Read it if you want, or just walk on by.


Honestly, I ask myself this all the time. Every time it seems like I start to feel right, shit gets tossed around. Yes, the majority of the time it is purely mental. My own damn mind won't let me rest it seems.
It was the worst in high school, then it got better for about a year. Lately, though, it's been getting worse... I just, don't feel right in my own skin most of the time anymore. Everything just feels so wrong, I feel like... like I don't belong, like I don't deserve anything i have.. my beautiful mate, my family that cares about me and my friends...
I'll be completely honest... I have, and still do, think about suicide. I have scared myself more than a few times, like when i am in my car, stuck at a railroad crossing, and i realize just how easy it would be to just let the brake go... I could never bring myself to do it though... it wouldn't be fair to my family and my mate.
I just want it to stop... I'll go from happy and content to isolated and depressed in a matter of seconds, almost like a switch in my head being flipped. No matter what I do, i can't make it stop, and anger builds up on top of that. Anger at myself for not being able to control my own mind, because I know it annoys people around me...
Not sure what more there is to say, and I don't really know what I expect by posting this... I guess just to get it off my chest.
Thanks for your time...