many of you know about my past with addiction and abuse from my ex of 5 years; but those weren't the only time that we had. before the abuse and addiction started the relationship like many others was very loving. the abuse and addiction didn't start until a year after we were together; even though i was a recovering coke addict myself. any ways; even though my ex and i have not been together for 3 years what happened to him this past january has been eating at my soul and to be honest i do love him, i never meant for what happened to him happen and in ways blame myself for well the damage that has done to him.

let me bring you up to date; this past january almost 3 years exact of him and i breaking up he fell/passed out while being at a friends place. he was unresponsive but was breathing. early in the day he was complaining on headaches. i tell you first hand he had headaches just like me. they became migranes but with me having permament cuncussions due to me getting hit by a car; but enough about my injury lets finish with what happened to him.

chris was like i said unresponsive and was then rushed to the hospital in which they found hemoraging(sp) in his brain, an anerysum poped and his blood pressure was over the charts, he suffered multiple strokes and was in an induced coma for majority of that month maybe longer. i do not know since his family started their drama.

on new years eve we talked, a week before this incident accured. i was hoping that he would had been getting his health under control like he was telling me over the phone but you can not really tell just by being over the phone. it was nice talking to him. i did and do miss him. miss the good times not the bad times.

this past weekend i get a facebook message from his ex boyfriend, the ex before me and he tells me that chris is in a nursing home and is doing better.
my reaction is i am glad he is doing better but if he honestly cared about his health he would had quit smoking, stopped doing coke and got his blood pressure under control. durring the past 48 hours my mind has been thinking about him. i know for a fact chris is no longer the chris i was with, the diva i was in love with due to he will never be the same again due to the stroke.

i do blame myself for what happened to him. he never quit loving me even after the breakup. *sigh* and i know its not my fault for his health but i can not help but blame myself. *shrugs* so yeah and before ANYONE CRITICIZES ME for still loving my ex. remember one thing YOU could had BEEN in MY SHOES!