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Some of lifes hard choices
13 years ago
General
'Aluminum to me, aluminium to some. You can shine like silver all you want but you're just aluminum.' Barenaked Ladies, Aluminum
Not entirely pertaining to myself, and definitely not looking for any sympathy or pity here, but this is a subject that has now come up finally in my family and its a tough one to really answer. I think everyone has a different view of things, after all. But this actually concerns death, life, mercy, and the medical system.
My grandmother had a rather massive stroke a few years ago, about 5 or 6 now, and she lost control of nearly her entire right side, and some brain damage. Shortly after, about a year I would say, she had another and lost even more of her mentality, and she was in a coma for a while on life support. The topic came up of pulling the plug, so to speak, at that time and her husband, sons and daughters all got together (as much as is possible when theyre spread out around the world and all) to decide what to do. In the end, she was kept alive, and came out of the coma with absolutely no short term memory. For example, for the past 4 years she was surprised to find out that my sister has a daughter, and every time they would visit it would be for the 'first' time.
In a care home and all, requiring medications, and at one point she even vocally expressed the desire to be let go. But sure enough, she has survived this time with the help of the care home aides and nurses and whatnot, even though shes a fraction of the person she once was.
Now... she had another stroke just this past week. She has lost the ability to swallow, and shes so far gone that she basically has no feeling anywhere, no sensations, not even awake ever. Shes on IV and help and all that, drugs galore, etc. Again, it came time for the question of keep her on life support, or let her pass on.
Our whole family is Christian, we all believe she is going to a perfect place when she leaves our world. Still, it is hard to let go for some people. This would be a tough call... a very blurred line of what makes a person a person. Keeping someone alive only because you keep feeding them drugs and tending to their every need is borderline cruelty, in my eyes, and this is where modern medicine can come close to crossing the line of doing more harm than good. Should she have been let pass on 5 years ago after she lost most of her senses? Maybe. Its hard to say, she may have been able to make a full recovery. Just like now. Slim chance, though. And now... they COULD keep her alive even longer now, but should they? Is it right to maintain a life that is so far lost?
Shes not the same person as she was, that much is for sure. Parts of her died when the strokes occurred. It is so hard to let go, though, of the ones you love, and when you have to make those decisions...
So, honestly, I have a pretty narrow and poor view on life and death. Ive never had anyone close to me die, Ive never had good relationships with any of my relatives or grand parents. When I think of my own parents dying... sure, it will be sad and I will definitely miss them, I love them very much after all! But I dont want no stinking funeral or an urn on my shelf of their remains, I dont wanna do a eulogy or anything. Theyre dead, what do they care? Theyre making plans for themselves and each other, but I want no part of it. I agree with the idea of a wake, to get together and 'party' and remember the good times as you just celebrate their lives, and in the case of my parents, their passing. They are going to a better place, too! Why not be happy for them?
Such is my view, at least.
TL;DR, is it right for medical care actually cause cruelty and prolonged suffering at the behest of family members? How long should life support last when a family isnt willing to let go? How much of a chance of recovery is enough to keep life support going before you say 'enough is enough, time to let he/she pass on?'
I dont know, and I doubt there are true answers. Sorry, just had to get this out there. I am a human being, I do have feelings, I can get bothered by events that happen to people around me.
My grandmother had a rather massive stroke a few years ago, about 5 or 6 now, and she lost control of nearly her entire right side, and some brain damage. Shortly after, about a year I would say, she had another and lost even more of her mentality, and she was in a coma for a while on life support. The topic came up of pulling the plug, so to speak, at that time and her husband, sons and daughters all got together (as much as is possible when theyre spread out around the world and all) to decide what to do. In the end, she was kept alive, and came out of the coma with absolutely no short term memory. For example, for the past 4 years she was surprised to find out that my sister has a daughter, and every time they would visit it would be for the 'first' time.
In a care home and all, requiring medications, and at one point she even vocally expressed the desire to be let go. But sure enough, she has survived this time with the help of the care home aides and nurses and whatnot, even though shes a fraction of the person she once was.
Now... she had another stroke just this past week. She has lost the ability to swallow, and shes so far gone that she basically has no feeling anywhere, no sensations, not even awake ever. Shes on IV and help and all that, drugs galore, etc. Again, it came time for the question of keep her on life support, or let her pass on.
Our whole family is Christian, we all believe she is going to a perfect place when she leaves our world. Still, it is hard to let go for some people. This would be a tough call... a very blurred line of what makes a person a person. Keeping someone alive only because you keep feeding them drugs and tending to their every need is borderline cruelty, in my eyes, and this is where modern medicine can come close to crossing the line of doing more harm than good. Should she have been let pass on 5 years ago after she lost most of her senses? Maybe. Its hard to say, she may have been able to make a full recovery. Just like now. Slim chance, though. And now... they COULD keep her alive even longer now, but should they? Is it right to maintain a life that is so far lost?
Shes not the same person as she was, that much is for sure. Parts of her died when the strokes occurred. It is so hard to let go, though, of the ones you love, and when you have to make those decisions...
So, honestly, I have a pretty narrow and poor view on life and death. Ive never had anyone close to me die, Ive never had good relationships with any of my relatives or grand parents. When I think of my own parents dying... sure, it will be sad and I will definitely miss them, I love them very much after all! But I dont want no stinking funeral or an urn on my shelf of their remains, I dont wanna do a eulogy or anything. Theyre dead, what do they care? Theyre making plans for themselves and each other, but I want no part of it. I agree with the idea of a wake, to get together and 'party' and remember the good times as you just celebrate their lives, and in the case of my parents, their passing. They are going to a better place, too! Why not be happy for them?
Such is my view, at least.
TL;DR, is it right for medical care actually cause cruelty and prolonged suffering at the behest of family members? How long should life support last when a family isnt willing to let go? How much of a chance of recovery is enough to keep life support going before you say 'enough is enough, time to let he/she pass on?'
I dont know, and I doubt there are true answers. Sorry, just had to get this out there. I am a human being, I do have feelings, I can get bothered by events that happen to people around me.
No. Just no. People should never prolong the lives of others when the death is imminent otherwise.
And even then if it extends the life in to nothing more than just more pain and suffering, while the individual is even clearly conscious, wouldn't that be even worse torture?
Such a pain is impossible to describe, so I couldn't honestly know what to say to you about it. Suffering is sometimes worth the company, but only at their will, it is nice to have someone around to bliss and bless you longer, but... its case by case.
I can't do anything to stop or continue what your planning, but your both lucky, and unfortunate at the same time, giving the situation.
Of course the UK law is horribly conservative regarding this matter, it's illegal to help, even a dying person, to end their suffering even if they are fully conscious, capable of thinking and want it to end.
It's a horrible thing to think about but as they say, it's all part of life...