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Do nice guys really finish last?
13 years ago
General
I hate posting journals about rants and emotional stuff. I really don't think people want to hear Coopertom bitching and moaning. I do enough of that on Twitter. I want to keep my venting to a minimum. I try to keep things happy and cheery which it is most of the time. I don't want to drag anyone down. I try my best not to let things get to me because in grand scope of things it really isn't that big of deal and nobody's problem but my own. I'm an optimistic person but there are some days that are just are a real kick to balls that knocks that attitude right out the window.
I'm a single guy with a couple of failed relationships and few coulda, shoulda, woulda, situations under my belt that has left my love life in this purgatory like state of condition. I'm really not getting anywhere and I don't know if I should keep going because I really don't know what a working relationship feels like. To me, they all eventually boil down into something that almost feels like a job to me. Where you have to work to keep the relationship going. Are all relationships like this? I expected something different. This has also left me questioning if I even would want another relationship with someone.
A conflicting drive on top of this is age. Do I batten down the hatches and really work towards any relationship because now is the time to do so? People say when the time is right you'll find the person you are looking for. This is kind of a scary tidbit of information. I'm in my late 20s now, I'm healthy and able to do anything I want. So now is the time to do it. There are a lot of things I want to do but they are pointless to do by myself if I can't share the experiences with someone. At the rate I'm going if I ever do find someone I'll be too old to do any of it. I still can go ahead do all the things I want to do but I don't know if it would be worse to do them sad and alone or not at all.
A disturbing trend I see as I have gotten older is that there are fewer fish in the sea now. It's not like it once was when I was in college where girls were single or dumped boyfriends in a blink of an eye. Those chances are long gone. The few single women I do encounter I tend to find underlying issues that explain why they are single and in their 30s or even older. This causes me to do some internal reflection on myself. Is there something about me or something I'm doing wrong as person to explain why I am still single. Well the furry thing could be a damper to women outside of the fandom but aside from that, I'm a nice, good looking guy with a successful career.
All of this really does make me think that nice guys do finish last. When I was in college I had a crush on a girl that was in a few of my art classes. We talked a lot and I even went over her place a couple of times to give her a hand on a few projects because I cared for her but she never really showed an interest in me. Later on that year she started dating this really nasty guy I knew from high school. He was just an over all asshole. I kept hanging out as classmates with her, just being a nice guy but she always would run back to her terrible boyfriend. I also found out that he was beating her too but she worshiped the ground he walked on. This guy really had 0 redeeming features. I graduated college and haven't seen or heard of her until today. I get some news today from a friend who saw her recently which sparked this whole lousy mood I'm in. Turns out shes been married to the abusive asshole for 3 years now. Hes unemployed and uses drugs now too. Here was this beautiful girl that I adored. I would have given the world to her but instead she rather have her face punched in by a drug addict.
What the heck am I doing wrong?
I'm a single guy with a couple of failed relationships and few coulda, shoulda, woulda, situations under my belt that has left my love life in this purgatory like state of condition. I'm really not getting anywhere and I don't know if I should keep going because I really don't know what a working relationship feels like. To me, they all eventually boil down into something that almost feels like a job to me. Where you have to work to keep the relationship going. Are all relationships like this? I expected something different. This has also left me questioning if I even would want another relationship with someone.
A conflicting drive on top of this is age. Do I batten down the hatches and really work towards any relationship because now is the time to do so? People say when the time is right you'll find the person you are looking for. This is kind of a scary tidbit of information. I'm in my late 20s now, I'm healthy and able to do anything I want. So now is the time to do it. There are a lot of things I want to do but they are pointless to do by myself if I can't share the experiences with someone. At the rate I'm going if I ever do find someone I'll be too old to do any of it. I still can go ahead do all the things I want to do but I don't know if it would be worse to do them sad and alone or not at all.
A disturbing trend I see as I have gotten older is that there are fewer fish in the sea now. It's not like it once was when I was in college where girls were single or dumped boyfriends in a blink of an eye. Those chances are long gone. The few single women I do encounter I tend to find underlying issues that explain why they are single and in their 30s or even older. This causes me to do some internal reflection on myself. Is there something about me or something I'm doing wrong as person to explain why I am still single. Well the furry thing could be a damper to women outside of the fandom but aside from that, I'm a nice, good looking guy with a successful career.
All of this really does make me think that nice guys do finish last. When I was in college I had a crush on a girl that was in a few of my art classes. We talked a lot and I even went over her place a couple of times to give her a hand on a few projects because I cared for her but she never really showed an interest in me. Later on that year she started dating this really nasty guy I knew from high school. He was just an over all asshole. I kept hanging out as classmates with her, just being a nice guy but she always would run back to her terrible boyfriend. I also found out that he was beating her too but she worshiped the ground he walked on. This guy really had 0 redeeming features. I graduated college and haven't seen or heard of her until today. I get some news today from a friend who saw her recently which sparked this whole lousy mood I'm in. Turns out shes been married to the abusive asshole for 3 years now. Hes unemployed and uses drugs now too. Here was this beautiful girl that I adored. I would have given the world to her but instead she rather have her face punched in by a drug addict.
What the heck am I doing wrong?
Just some Dr. Cox knowledge to help ya out. :D
I don't know... I suck at responding to things like this. Darn it...
In any case, I really hope for the best for you in the future.
no matter what happens after that.
I'm very lucky to have seen it in my family and never fell into that.
I found the man I loved hanging out with other guys I got along with.
I had a crush on him while I dated a friend to both of us.
He was my one and only crush ever in life.
When he moved back into town, my relationship was going down hill so I ended.
He was there for me, and I found he liked me as well. and had for a while as well.
I had to hang on to a couple of ok guys to get to him.
But I got him in the end.
What I'm saying cooper keep your chin up.
Your a great guy, you will meet the one, one day.
even if you and her don't know it then, you will sooner or later.
Hope that helps.
though you don't know me...so it may not, sorry.
Today I got a badge in the mail that I ordered from AC. My mom saw me open it, at first thinking it was a letter from a possible girlfriend. She seemed let down when I told her that the girl was an artist and it was just business. It really kinda bothered me inside. I WANT to find a girl, it's just that I don't want to do it while I live with my parents, not to mention how horribly ghetto and trashy my home is. Also, while I want to find a girlfriend within the fandom, I know of the issues of doing that, but at the same time, it's hard to connect with nonfurry girls.
You are not doing anything wrong, dude. Keep looking! :3
Women and children are dream killers. Stay single, follow your dreams, earn a rewarding career, and the females will come to you.
---Xana---
But what I wanted found me. And it wasn't until I stopped trying so damn hard and decided to just go with the flow.
Step number one is stop worrying so much about it. Worrying and floping over it isn't going to change anything, as much as we might like it to. Step number two is actually more important than the first step: before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself. Doing internal reflection is great, but not if you're just focusing on the negatives. I don't know you well enough to say whether you do or not, but it's imperative that you love yourself for you. No one else will complete you until this happens.
Overall, though, it sounds to me like you have nice guy syndrome. XD That girl in college that you fawned over, did you ever ask her out? I assume not since you only mentioned she didn't seem to have an interest in you. If not: why? Be prepared to take a leap on crushes, to be the first one to make a move, to go "Hey, listen, I think you're spectacular and I'd love to get to know you better." Being a nice guy doesn't have to mean being in the background. I at least know you well enough to know you have a personality that shines through a room so let that stand out! The girl you're looking for will be drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
As for the girl you had a crush on: she may have always been too afraid to leave. It's often far too easy to emotionally trap a woman in a relationship, especially if there's physical violence involved or she feels alone in the situation. Girls like to date the bad boys because of their confidence, but they don't want to settle down with them. So just have the confidence of a bad boy with the compassion and kindness of your average "nice guy" and you'll have a ringer.
Tl;dr: Love yourself, have confidence, and don't worry so much. XD And if you need to chat, my messengers are listed on my page, feel free to hit me up. c:
Yeah, I really do. I have done the whole not worry about it thing but I think I did more giving up then not worrying about it. I feel I do suffer from the nice guy syndrome but with the opposite effects. I love me. I think I'm awesome but I think this is what scares people. I'm a generally a very happy, out going guy so maybe women think I'm doing just fine on my own or its possible that I act like I'm out of their league by being over confident in my independence? I really don't know. Maybe my personality is too overbearing for people to deal with. The girl I had a crush on, I did try to smooze her a few times but of course the nature of my attitude she just played everything off as a joke and never took anything I said literally. Thus we just ended up as friends and she ran off with the jerk.
I just gotta keep doin' what I'm doin' I suppose.
On the topic of your job (since I saw you mentioned it), if you do find someone you really like, time's surprisingly easy to find. XD Trist works four nights a week, ~10/11 hours and we still find time to go on dates, have movie nights, exercise together, and have our separate "me" times.
And... don't listen to the downers. XD Everyone has their bad breakups or their lonely days and there are some people that just enjoy being single more. But their experiences only tell half the story and any decision to never date again is something people should make only after some thorough soul-searching. You're young, even if that encroaching 3-0 makes it seem like you're about to hit your mid-life crisis. Age is just another spot where it doesn't pay to compare to other peoples' experiences. Hell my mom was married, had me, and divorced by the time she was 18. I'm damn glad I didn't take that road. XD
That's so stupid but sadly I've seen a lot of girls in that same situation.
I just know you'll find someone that's right for you. I believe in you.^^
But anyways, I can tell ya a couple universal things now after finding my "mate" and I dont use that term lightly, as i have had plenty of relationships before. One is , they are work, they wont ALWAYS be work but they are work at times. The difference however when you find the person you really care for and want to be with is...you'll want to put in the work for it and it'll definitely be worth it. The other is to date outside your comfort zone. Too many painfully single people i know, shrug off perfectly good opportunities because of some uber minor crap.
But I know its hard, and it sucks bein single. If ya ever wanna talk or anything, hit me up on skype/yahoo/facebook. I'm almost always around.
It makes me madder haring girls rip me a new one for WHINING about "How Im doing things wrong and being Clinging and a welcome mat and blea blea blea"
Personally I think that everyone here is right its the Womans fault for being so Delusional that they can try to FIX bad boys...
It may sound like bullshit, but the right person will come along when you least expect it. Just keep being you.
my situation and maybe it's mostly in the cities nowadays
you HAVE to have a cellphone
you HAVE to have facebook
none of that means no friends no relationships
not the point....a relationship starts by friendship builds up as best friends to lovers
anywho....i feel ya...i wish i had someone but meh im forever alone because im not a cellphone addict nor a facebook user
but just think of it.....there are advantage of being single. you get to have things done faster...no comflicts on what to wear or whatever the crazy things about fashion....no complains that you didn't receive texts or something like that....and etc etc
as i agree with comments here some people are blind to see who is the real and true gentlemen
but please don't give up im sure some girl will find you interesting....and if she does don't miss that chance tehe
but not all women are the same. i mean im super shy and i never grow mean. and it's the truth. i see the society as a pyramid...cool kids on top below are people who wear layers of make up and cell addicts and facebook addicts......and im at the very bottom where girls don't wear make up and doesn't have 2 personalitoes to attract people on the fake side of yourself. i might be at the bottom but at least im being myself and not a annoying fake stranger.
Ur a very nice guy when I saw u at AC and I knew right away that anyone dating you would be having a great time everyday seeing you and hearing all your funny jokes.
Don't worry CT, you just havnt found Miss Right just yet.
The only real relationship I had was with my X-BF who showed me how to stand up for myself and he even showed me the furry fandom.
I kind of understand your situation.
I love this girl and we were great friends.
We joked and played around a lot, I even thought she might of loved me and she was showing signs that she wanted me to say something.
I even told her about the fandom and much it means to me, she finds my character very cute!
I then had the balls to just tell her how I feel about her, but she rejected me because she saw me more as a friend then her BF.
She then tells me she wanted to just be friends because she really is afraid of men because she thinks all men just want a girl for "Fun Time" (if u know what I mean)
I tell her I'm not like that.
I love her even now and I wish she was not afraid to date me.
I had other tries but they all ended up rejecting me because they all found my friends more attractive then me,
I also had a try with this Chick a long time ago who was introduced to me by my friend and she really loved it when I was very confident and was very protected over her.
women love a guy who's confident and has a soft spot sometimes
It's not the assholes that they love, they're just waiting for their Knight in shining armor to rescue them from the harsh world.
My brother-in-law told me girls are like princesses:
All they do is sit down and wait for the man to do something and save them from the castle they're trapped inside.
I LOLed about it but he then he says love is like a campfire:
It takes more then one person to keep the fire burning.
Hope this helps you.
well im in the same boat, except the part of being straight. >3> Im bi but i treat both sex the same way in the meter of respect. Women are really hard to come by when yah are a furry but i do believe there's some anime chicks that 50% of them dont care about u being a furry. :| but it does make it feel odd a bit that you are dating someone else not a furry yet you are, making the relationship sliiightly awkward. >_> dont know how it should but it does once you are with someone who isnt. buuut, here's this! every day, week, month, and year, people change. Interests start randomizing, same goes with love interests. Sooner or later some lady will come up to you and start flirting with you and such. But as well, dont expect some miracle would walk around the corner. Yah also need to take action too. "Express yourself!" think about that song for a bit then you'll get it. :| lol. Just, dont think its the end of the world, man. You have one you and over god-knows-how-many women out there. Furry or not, someone wouldn't mind a bit i bet! Try Eharmony! :P lol! Im kidding, that's a terrible idea! XD Trust me, it didnt work at all with me. XD People posts lies on that website. 8<
I date u if I culd lol
Silly me lol
Good luck
Never EVER search for a relationship because you will never find one that works. You end up just rushing into it with no real true feelings and sometimes it just ends badly.
For a long time I was like this. Going out with people and thinking I liked them but really I didn't and half the time I felt alone and ended up breaking up. For a long time through college I didn't think anyone would ever like me and it really depressed me and for a couple of years I would just flit in and out of relationships. Up till this year I was really down about relationships when I found Ári. We clicked almost instantly and he is lovely and treats me like his world. I'm just glad I waited and didn't go looking for a relationship.
As for the girl in the abusive relationship... People shouldn't call her stupid. You have no idea what is going on in her head. She may be terrified to leave him. I know some druggies who have tried to set their ex's on fire for even daring to bring it up. Then again, she could just be stupid. Not all girls are like that though and I know to hell I would never stay in an abusive relationship.
I'm not going to say just give it time because that is a stupid piece of advice but don't go looking for one. Let it come looking for you. When you least want a relationship for some reason someone comes along. Hope this helped just a bit. :)
- Elysia
Just... I'm a girl.
Who still has that bad taste in her mouth and who's having trouble getting that bad taste out.
I feel your pain.
Thing is, there's just the same amount of dumbdumb boys as there are dumbdumb girls.
Don't search for relationships seeing as those fall faster than... well, a feather.
Relationships take some building of honesty and trust, all that stuff.
Hopefully you get the right person next Coop.
So your saying I need to make some long distance phone calls and become good friends with a lesbian. Got it!
In all seriousness though, I was just trying to say I thought I would be miserable in this life and things changed in a blink of an eye for me. And you are too awesome to not have the same thing happen to you
i don't think you're doing anything wrong; i do agree that dating is a lot tougher as you get older, especially with such a strange hobby as the furry fandom. regarding the girl from college: did you ever ask her out, or make a move on her? it's easy for girls to have just plain friendships with boys, she might have never known you liked her. or she might have just not been interested in you for whatever reason, that's OK too--there have been girls you weren't interested in who liked you, right? it sucks that she ended up with a crappy guy, but it didn't happen through some failing of yours.
have you tried any of those online dating things, like okcupid? i've had pretty good results from there, when my account was active. nothing is wrong with you, you're a great guy and you will find a great girl one day! it's hard to not get down in the dumps and lonely sometimes, but try not to base a chunk of your happiness on whether you're single or not. you are your own whole and totally awesome person, you have no "missing piece" or "other half." when you find the right girl, she will make your life even more awesome, but she won't complete it--completing your life is up to you. :)
I tired online dating sites but all that got me was a ton of email from really freaky people and few stalkers that scared the bejesus outta me. I took them all down.
Please don't see it as a consolation in knowing that there are those that love you from a medium that we know as the furry fandom or the friend that closely reside near you. It's what you have and what you need. Sometimes, it's something we forget. And with such good people that are your friends, it is no doubt that they know others like you who are in the same boat. You are not alone.
There are plenty of wise word that have come before me and will most likely follow. But if you are to ever take from mine, know that love comes to a person unexpectedly and without favor. You will have yours. You just have to keep living. I was so fortunate to have loved many times over. If you read my recent journal, I exposed myself as you do now. I can only hope that it gives you clarity. That person wasn't the only one. I've had girlfriends, had a son and guys that that made it worthwhile if not for one night. And you may say could'uh, should'uh, would'uh, but those times weren't yours. She's still out there, finding her own experiences similar, the same or in reverse. You'll just have to meet each other at your own pace.
It's because I focused on my career rather than try to "complete" myself with a girlfriend. I am complete with my rewarding career, money in the bank, lack or responsibilities, and by living alone in absolute peace. I am both the richest and happiest of my peers because I designed my life the way I wanted it, not followed a stupid tradition or set of rules like chivalry. No one can ever describe me as "lonely" or "unhappy."
Negative responses are welcome.
and there's NOTHING wrong with you hun, dont ever blame yourself! you're a wonderful person and you know it :) dont worry, you're a funny-sweet guy (though i dont know you personally, i can just tell from the vibe you gave off when i saw you at AC, and from what you post on here) and you will find someone who's as perfect for you as you are for them :) there's always still time :)
we love you cooper <33
No I never tried to contact her again. I have this tendency when I see something turning south I run for the hills and not waste my time trying to revive it. When I was going to school with her I really did try to get her out of that relationship but she was madly in love with that jerk. I knew when it was time to throw in the towel. It just makes me sad thinking about happy we could have been.
I had a vasectomy when I was 21 so that I could never have children. $450 well spent.
I wish you the best, my brother. I am not going to hate you for thinking differently, on the contrary, I will show you more love!!!!!
You mention that your previous relationships ended up feeling like a "job". I'm not saying you should lower your standards, but I think ANY relationship will, at times, feel like a job. It will never coast for long. Once the initial glow is gone, you're going to have to deal with some issues, so you might spend some time figuring out just which issues you're prepared to deal with.
Oh, and then there will be issues that you might have considered deal-breakers, and they're plopped right into your life anyway. Will you cut and run as planned? Or will other issues have become more important? I promise you, my partner and I have been through situations that would have absolutely broken up most couples, and not without good reason. A physical separation of 4 1/2 years? Most people would never, ever consider dealing with that. Maybe we are insane because we did. But so what? It was no one's problem but our own.
Bottom line - that metaphorical door is always open. Either one of you can leave at any time. It gets messy, but you can do it. When neither of you wants to leave, when both of you vastly prefer staying together, then you have something.
I nnow you are a nice person, but as one of the above commenters pointed to, don't fall into "nice guy syndrome" which really means "timid self-entitled jealous guy".
All it takes is meeting the right person once =)
Of course, my opinion means nothing. Im kinda in same boat as you though I decided I pretty mich have never been willing to put the time and sacrifice to make a relationship last. Sometimes I regret it, but Ive realized Im happier on my own. Hough wjo knows. Maybe Ill meet the right person same day to make me wanna do all those things...
Outta curiousity , would u date anyone in the fandom?
One thing for me is I wouldnt want to, but I wouldnt wanna hide it either. Its kinda part of who I am
Don't worry man, you're a great guy, don't give up D:
I only got to talk to ya briefly at AC (I was the derpy-looking beige dog yelling about eating my pony and going to my room), since that con was made of awesome hectic crazy, but I hear FAU is more chill - if you want to get a beer and talk, let me know. At the very least I can try to give you a girl perspective, as I've been the idiot dating a jerk way longer than she should have before (but I'm learning, haha).
I totally agree! I believe friendship is the most important thing in a relationship above all else and should be a big reason you would want to spend time with someone.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ra.....niceguys.shtml
its usually what the A-Hole guys have more of than the nice guy, if your brave enough to talk to her in a coherent manner and radiate in a manner that shows confidence, its a turn on for them. its hard to be the guy that comes in second place, i know that feeling all too well.. but for women that ive tried flirting with without going anywhere, it seems they pick up on confidence.
i know it can be hard when you feel like its do or die time and you feel like an alien could explode out of your chest at any minute.. but pulling yourself together and showing you can be a guy worth talking to goes a long way. cause being shy in a corner looking boring has never gotten a woman.. unless your so attractive that the shoe is on the other foot.
Don't worry about chicks now. Focus all your energies on advancing your career as much as possible. Then you could be fucking the daughters of the bitches that reject you today and in the past.
TBH, you just sound like the garden variety bitter misogynist right now, and that arrogance, it's a beautiful thing. :D FYI, a relationship(if desired at all) shouldn't complete you, it should enhance an already productive individual. If you believe anything else you're going about it in the wrong ways
Now for your question. We're both working college students, my income is slightly above his since I've been taught a useful trade. I'm 5'0 and 132, which doesn't describe much, other than I'm short. Next thing you'll be telling me that my worth is determined by the amount of kids I pop out, lol.
5 footers are actually my favorite. I love the cheerleaders, tumblers, ice skaters, some ballerinas (the thing with ballerinas is that they can actually be too skinny where they have no boobs and you can see through their skin, fucking gross), etc. Nice tight bodies, sensitive A cups, easy to hold and manipulate during sex, etc. I love little girls, they make me feel so bad.
I've never even been in a relationship on purpose. I decided very early on that I was going to focus on the career that I wanted with no stupid distractions. Of my peers, I make the most money and live the cheapest. They stupidly decided they needed girlfriends and now work at their shitty minimum wage jobs while in debt with a worthless college degree and a fat bitch at home who had children against their will. They are miserable while I wake up in peace everyday surrounded by the glory of my own design. Everything is how I want it and I could not be happier.
I'm a skinny guy. 5"10, 140ish pounds. I wonder of being alcohol-free (another life decision of my design) has anything to do with it. I'm 10 inches taller than you and weigh only 10 pounds more. Isn't that terrifying?
Why yes, my husband and I are considered 'poor'. I don't know too many college students who are living on their owns and are paying out of pocket college expenses, who aren't struggling with money. I only work one job, how you managed to get multiple jobs, is beyond me. As a matter of fact I'll probably be quitting once I find a research position with one my preferred faculty members, but I digress. Check back with us in a few years when we have graduated, but I'll probably forget you exist, and will be in med school(probably will still be considered "poor", gotta cut down on loans, med school is expensive D:). Why yes, I am they best he can do, I am his soul mate and he is mine. He compliments my strengths and weaknesses and I do the same for him. We are blessed to have found each other at a young age, it takes some people a life time to find their mates.
I'm sorry you feel this way about women and relationships. While romantic relationships aren't for everyone(some people aren't meant to have them), it's unfortunate you feel alienated by half of the world's population. I hope that whatever wounds you have can heal over time and you can eventually form healthy bonds with women. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers.
I think it's funny we agree on children. They aren't right for my husband and I either. They are a wonderful choice for people who want them though.
When I said "you", I meant you + your husband's combined incomes still is poverty.
Please pray for me all you can. Everyone pray for me, it will make me change!
Children are completely unnecessary accessories. I am actually more opposed to children than I am relationships. And I disagree that they are wonderful for people who want them. What if the people who want them are old fashioned and their son turns out gay? Or what if your baby ends up being mentally retarded or disabled in some other way? You can't undo it. It isn't worth the risk. I wish people would take children more seriously.
Now, I want to impress you with how awesome my dick is!
Again, yes I know we are poor right now. That is a temporary situation, which is the point of going to college and not taking out student loans. As a matter of fact being poor benefits use, at our University of choice those who make under 80,000 get their tuition and college fees paid in full by the government. So it actually works out for us poor folk. :D We're both engineering majors, so I can guarantee that we will not be poor forever. So I'm not sure why you keep going "Well hah, you're poor!!111!!"
As for praying for you, it's actually for my benefit. The good book says to pray for those that stand against you. So change or don't change, I'm just merely following orders.
I agree and disagree with your points on children. For people who genuinely want them, they are a great addition. They are the people who will be taking care of you and running this country in our old age after all. I do wish that people would put more thought in their reason for having them, and the possibility they they won't turn out exactly like little clones of the parents. Children are individuals, a parent's love should transcend that child's sexuality, gender, and disability.
So, since you are in the "not hot" category, your mate will be poor by association. If you were hot, you wouldn't even be in college getting a worthwhile degree, you would just be there for the fun of it, taking worthless classes while some successful guy (even if it is their father) pays for it. Women on the lower end of the looks spectrum have to work harder and get real jobs. Hot chicks don't because they just go with some successful man who will take care of them.
Your husband made a mistake by getting married. He may be poor now, but he will be successful in the future and could score hot young chicks designed to fit him. Meanwhile, you would have fully evolved into a venusaur because while men become more valuable with time (if they aren't losers), women become a tiny bit uglier every single day after puberty. That's why women fear aging, because being old or fat is ugly, and ugly women have less worth than hot women regardless of their own careers. Hotter women attract more valuable (successful) men. Had he not gotten married, he could just drop you and get some dumb 18 year old. However, since he got married, this will actually work in your favor if you make less than him because he would have to give up half his worth to you if he does follow his instincts. This is why many women start out hot, nice, and horny to trick a successful man into marrying them, then become fat, ugly, and show their true personality (not the one she designed to fit him) (marriage to successful men is the evolution stone for women to evolve like pokemon; Bigger meaner versions of themselves) because it's win-win for her if he leaves or stays.
Women are completely replaceable and reconfigurable. In the presence of a successful man, a woman will automatically change who she is to please him. Those same strengths that you have now that make you soul mates can be copy/pasted onto that 18 year old in a second and she will be that way (If he doesn't get married) until the day she dies if he continues to be successful for her.
This is why it's so important that young men spend their youth preparing their careers to be as successful as possible without letting a woman latch on like a tick and suck the success out of them with destructive things like dating, marriage, and children. If they stay free, work their money correctly, and maximize their value, they can live in a world designed for them with the types of women that they like instead of trying to fit in a world full of compromise.
Funny you mention Venusaur, I love it and collect its merch. My pogeymanz, let me show you thems. I need to post a proper collection post in my scraps. I don't really have anything else to say. You seem to be stuck on you argument of "You're ugly, fat, and poor, so there!!!11!!" However I will continue to pray for you.
My husband is free to divorce me at anytime(this will be my first and last marriage, I was never to keen on the idea). No point in keeping an extra mouth around that doesn't want to be there. I don't need his money nor his presence. A relationship should not define an individual, but should enhance their life.
Funny how you mention I may have molded my personality to attract him. I didn't, I have too much pride to do that. I am who I am and if you don't like it you can keep it pushin'. I've never had to work to attract a mate and I never will. And to think I'd question myself due to some internet tough guy, it hilarious. The people I personally know who hide their personalities to attract mates are all men.
You are so stuck on the physical, that you can't see beyond that. Given our careers, my husband generally won't ever make more than I will. Physicians are some of the top paid people in the nation. That doesn't make him any less of my partner or my equal. My decision to go into medicine has nothing to do with superficial reasons. I'm going into medicine to help people. A lot of my free time will be spend doing missionary work, to help those who have minimal/no access to medical care. That's what I want out of my career. I figure I can be more useful as a doctor than an engineer.
I think Americans need to really sit down and figure out why they have this phobia of getting old. If I could become half the woman my grandmother is when I become her age I would be blessed. The real world is full of compromise, its childish to think otherwise. Again, I'm sorry you feel this way, there is a lot of self projecting going on if your posts. I
Concerning that girl you liked there are only two things i can come up with, one, her father was like that, a girls first male interaction is her father and so subconciously we always are drawn to ment that remind us of them. Two, she didnt have a way to get away, she was dependent on him, she didnt know anything better then this. If she was so committed to this guy those are a couple of the reasons. She may have very well thought you were to good for her, or just too good to be true. Who knows!
What you need to do is focus your thoughts on the kind of woman you would like to have in your life rather then all the women who have failed you and that you 'missed out on'. Look at how you live your life, if you did meet that perfect someone is there room for her in your day to day life? Leave some room for love and it will find you. :) Most of the time you have the right attitude, staying positive is the best way to be because you want to invite more positivity to your life.
Dont give up! My cousin didnt meet his dream gir until he was 30! And it was almost and instant connection for them so dont believe it can't happen even when your older. :)
One of the scary things I try to ignore is the lack of room I have in my life for someone. Due to my job I'm not around 12+ hours a day, 5 days a week. Monday thru Friday are completely shot for the most part. I only get 2 days a week to really do anything and those are spent most of the time catching up on the things I couldn't do during the work week like clean the house or cut the grass.
(Just wanted to make you laugh)
Work on yourself, maybe actually try getting to know a woman. Not as a potential mate, but as a person. We are people too. We have interests and we can't read minds. Being 'nice' to each other is also what friends do. If you are interested in being more than friends then you need to make your intentions be known, which is something 'nice' guys seem not to be good at.
"she rather have her face punched in by a drug addict." There is so much wrong with this sentence I don't know how to address this. Domestic about is much more complicated than this and for you to attempt to simplify it like this is disgusting. Obviously this person has some self-esteem and self worth issues to work out, it's nothing you nor anyone else can do to help her, because it she isn't ready to leave she will keep going back.
As for the abuse, I really have no sympathy for that girl anymore. I tried talking her out of that relationship multiple times. She made those life choices and she is paying the consequences for it now.
As for that girl, there's nothing you can do. It's best to move on and pray that she comes to her senses, and/or seizes an opportunity to escape. Its not always a victim's choice to stay in a relationship like that. I'm sure you didn't mean to phrase is that way, but do have some sympathy and compassion for her.
For example in business, the 'nice guy' will generally like their job more and be less stressed and be able to sleep at night, and the not-so-nice guy will brag about being on the fast-lane with more pay...but more stress, a guilty conscience, a list of people they stepped on, and so on.
Similarly in relationships, a nice guy might not be able to force someone else into a relationship like a not-so-nice guy...but...that's good. A nice guy doesn't manipulate or dominate others into a relationship, which means when they finally do find the right person and have a good solid relationship based on mutual love and respect...well it's all good. Your not-so-nice guy meanwhile will have enticed the hot girl (or guy) into a relationship based on their looks and keep them in it with money, and share a loveless sham-relationship with their chosen pretty trophy. But hey, let 'em brag about scoring the high-school cheerleader if that's what they want.
My advice is be yourself, be true to yourself, be patient, and don't rush into something fake.
While I'm mostly into other girls I will say you come across as a real good catch. I've noticed the fandom seems to attract creative and intelligent people. I know I run across many sweet nerdy girls. Also put yourself out where quality people meet. Taking a evening class at a local community college may be the answer (people there are trying to improve themselves). I have nothing against bars but few going there are looking to settle down.
Remember we all have flaws and it will take effort to make any relationship work but I predict you find that special someone. Soon.
P.S. Being in your 20's is not over the hill. (this is from a Gen-X person)
I agree on many points you've said about girls and things within life. This has hit home again some as it's my birthday in 3 days and I just keep thinking about another year gone another year lost to try and find someone if anyone -_-
I've felt that I've never really had a proper life and still feel like it won't happen and.... yeah
Anyway emo moment over, before I forget I noticed we sell a pack of 4 red party cups I thought straight of you and wondered why we sold them and noticed they're re-useable mugs in the style of red party cups. Whenever I can make it to AC I'll buy you some ;)
Yeah its a pretty scary feeling see the years add up.
As long as they're male.
However, I must ask; how was your sex life during these relationships?
Maybe that asshole had a more overpowering sex life with this girl than you had as just being a friend.
Now, I'm not saying go out to just looking for booty and be a dick, but, if you're a really nice guy and she knows that, and you know she's a good person, having a good sex life will be the cement that could keep a relationship going.
Not every girl is looking for JUST a nice guy.
I really don't know you at all, much less know about your sex life and it's really none of my business to care,
but, for the sake of this post, maybe you're too much of a cock tease.
you just need to sex her up a bit if you might feel that is what she wants
you could have been doing that all along; there's no way for me to know that.
good luck- but you'll never find someone if you just give up, and you don't need some fucker on the internet who calls themselves Hamilton Pennywise to tell you that.
-Hamilton
any way I'm sure you'll find some one your an awesome guy and your really funny any girl would be lucky to have you and I dont think you do anything wrong if they cant see you for who you are then there just shallow and trust me you don't want the shallow type
as for relationships i never really had one and I'm shy around girls and scared of guys cause I've been hurt so many times I have a mate now and I love her even if she lives far away Id never hurt her or anything wish she was close to here but ill have to deal with it until we me and trust me a lot of people wouldn't like me I'm very deep but its hard for me to show my emotions Ive asked out numbers of people but the answers where all the same they didn't have any interest in me like that except for my mate now one day some one will come into your life and they'll take you I know how lonely it can be so just HANG ON
and if you need a friend you have a lot I assume and I'm always here to
still wanna hang some time
When I first met my mate, I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship, I was more focused on getting my own affairs in order. During that time she would occasionally call me, ask me how I was doing; We would once a while go hang out around town, go out to eat, and more or less be friends.
This went on for about year before I finally made the next move (today I'm STILL surprised I had the guts to make that move!) on her.
Now, here we are, going on 4 years later, and we are still together; Happiest 4 years of my life!
Just keep doing what you're doing, ya never know who's gonna walk around that corner and bump into you!
When it comes to younger women I see nice guys finishing last. It's like women don't want to be catered to all the time. The fact that you could have anyone you want seems to net their interest more than "I'll always be there for you." This could be due to many reasons one of which could be the fear of commitment. Just my observations with younger folk.
The flip-side... the older a women gets it seems the more they crave the stability a nice guy offers. Delving a bit into my personal life... My step-father and blood father have both been some of the nicest men I've ever known. They couldn't keep women around them for long when they younger but both have marriages over 10 years now.
Long story short. Be your self and be true to who you are. You WILL find Mrs. right :3
Now we just go with the flow, he likes things i don't really like and I like things that he doesn't really like but we do like a lot of things together and try to do them often. I noticed that because of fear of something or messing it up was really making those fears happen but when I just go with the flow and not worry about it I was far from those things from ever happening. Relationships are about give and take but in the end if you both are happy it doesn't really matter what happens in life you both will have each other. Don't think of it as a job think of it like this, you effect everyone around you its up to you if it is good or bad. Relationships need work to keep them going after all can't be lazy and skimp on it, just have to commit. Also nice guys don't finish last, they finish with a crowd cheering for them and hugs. Don't change who you are to get a date, everyone needs that cheerful and nice personality, it can really change someones life. Also on a side note, I was on a log ride before and got a date with someone running it passing by and talking to them every time I came back to them. You just never know who you can meet if you don't try =3
As shitty as this may sound I picked up my current GF not more than 2 weeks after she left someone else, but that was not my orriginal intention. We've known each other now for over 2 years and she had a bad habbit like me of getting into a relationship and then ending them within the first 4-6 months. (yea does not mean were still out of the water yet lol) so after seeing this for like the 10th time in 2 years I finaly said "me, you, and a night out as friends" surprisingly it turned out to be more than that since. My point is sometimes that person your looking for may be alot closer than you think.
Dont give up I'm sure if mine fails in the next couple of months I'll be back singing that tune myself again. You'll find someone bud cause if i found someone you will too.
I wish ya best wishes of wishes and salty fishs.. wishes
Personally just be yourself, stop looking (I know age can be a factor here too) but just let the current take you along.
ANYWAY... Got to get back to mai Optimistic side...
*Hugz* ^^
Good Luck Bro!
-FuraWolf
As a female, I've had my share of ups and downs, and it's been...4 to 5 years since I've actually had a relationship with anyone, and my last boyfriend cheated on me for an abusive girl. Sometimes if you look desperate when looking for a girlfriend it either puts other women off or it attracts the wrong type of woman you are looking for. At most, you do not want to attract a girl that's going to hurt you in the end.
Be confident in that and something will happen when you least expect it to. :3
Never doubt who you are or what youre doing,, and dont let your lack of lady companionship define who you are, either. just stay frosty. :3
I'd marry you xoxoxo
Example: My fiance. He was 24, almost 25 when I met him. Nicest gentleman you'd ever meet. Never was in a serious relationship and had a few letdowns before. Kind of reminds me of what your saying. There's nothing wrong with it either.
Many will tell you that you just haven't met the right person yet, but don't let that get you down. There is nothing bad about being single. If other guys your age are in relationships, good for them, but don't let that define you. Just because you are single and they are not doesn't mean you're a failure.
Another thing to know, relationships ARE a lot of work. It takes lots of dedication, tolerance, and patience to maintain one. Things are not always easy, but if you really love that person, then it's WELL worth it.
Finally, if you are interested in someone, pursue them. Get to know them, all that good stuff. Don't be shy. And don't be so afraid of rejection. Don't let a fear like that ever hold you back.