I hate myself because there's probably a solution, but I'm too stupid or stubborn to see it, or too cowardly to consider it. I hate myself for expecting the universe to meet my needs. I hate the universe for not meeting my needs. I hate myself for having unmeetable needs. It's not because I'm hungry, because I just ate. It's not because I'm sexually frustrated, because I just took care of that. It's not because there's no one around or no one to talk to. I know it's an unmet need because I've been feeling the same pain for seven years and it's pushed me to near suicide multiple times. And I hate myself because it's a stupid need that doesn't make any sense. If I were anyone else in my situation my life would be perfectly fine. Great, even. But for some reason I have this need that I don't see any obvious solution for. The closest thing I know for this is a romantic need, but it's more than that. It's abstract. It's not like a need for a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I used to think it was like that, but it's not. I don't know what the hell it is anymore.

The need manifests itself similarly in my dreams as a need to get a Digivice and/or somehow escape to the digital world from Digimon, but that doesn't make any sense when I'm awake, I don't have that desire when I'm awake and it doesn't have any obvious parallels.

I didn't want to post this here but I have no freaking clue where else to post it and this is the only place I know of where I won't get ridiculed for it. I felt like I needed to make a cry for help, somewhere.