that's how i'm feeling lately. some people say i bottle things up and need to talk about it more. hence this journal.

i'm alone at the apartment and have been for over a week. it makes me uncomfortable and i keep getting lost in my thoughts. my thoughts aren't nice, they aren't happy, they aren't what i want to think. i keep remembering things that upset me. like about my nana, my dog Zues, my mom, my dad, my family, my friends or lack thereof lately.
i know i'm a burden and i don't always do what i should. and that upsets me but it's hard to change.

i forget why i'm doing this anymore. i originally moved away for training to do my job. and had to stay for a year at the job. that year has been over for a while. i moved in with my roomie after some issues with my aunt. my roomie saved me from doing something that could have hurt everyone i cared about. i'm thankful to her for so much. and sometimes i wish i knew how to better express that. i'd give her a hug, it's what my family did, but she doesn't like hugs.
i miss my family, i haven't seen them in almost two years. i've talked to them every once in a while. and it makes me want to cry that i've missed so much. not many people can understand how i feel. pretty much everyone i know is close to thier families. not one of my friends have lived so far from their families for so long. my brother said i should come home. and to hear him say that makes me wonder if something is happening that i'm not being told about. it makes me worried.
i'm gonna stop this journal now. i'm starting to cry.