I'm a little insulted... Go ahead and name me as the author of the second story. Robbie actually DOES end up with the "owner" of that penis in the story, but there's a great deal before that and it's definitely not the focus. The focus is the poor guy having a crap, serious but eye-opening experience and being determined to overcome it.

If you've got critique, please tell me directly. How could I have made that story better? ^^;

My intent with the RSE is not to pick a fight, but to sorta... recount my experiences with some of the stories that I do encounter. I don't make it a habit of naming the authors because I don't want to pick fights. I do apologize if you were insulted by my recounting, and I admit that I'm a little more acerbic here than if I were to critique authors directly, especially since these are entirely unasked and generally it's bad form to provide critique unasked.

If you are serious about a more serious critique of your story, then feel free to e-mail me at pyrostinger[at]gmail.com and we'll talk.

Honestly?

I found that you criticised a story of my friend's also. Now, this friend would be torn up if they saw this "review". I am certain that I would be in the position of persuading them that they should not give up writing again. Confidence issues? Hell yes. But, sometimes, the person writing is just trying to express themselves. I happen to think that the idea that you so kindly tore apart was quite clever. All of the "reviews" are negative and I did not see a single positive thing in any of them. Why is that? Perhaps someone should take one of your stories and "tear it a new one", as the saying goes. And, no, that will not be me because I've learned to critique and a little thing called kindness.

As a writer, you should know better. I will stick to the critique from respected authors, as it so pleases me. I am thoroughly disgusted and shall not pretend otherwise.

If you would like to offer critique on my stories, then I would invite you to do so. Be as vicious as you like. As your stated intent would be to savage my works, then I would do well to ignore the overly vitriolic parts and see how I could improve my writing. I'm also pretty painfully aware in some of my earlier stories and would dearly like to be made aware of my failings so that I could strive to improve them.

As for your friend... well, I'm very sorry to hear that they would be devastated and would consider giving up writing just because of a single negative reaction (and I mention the word "reaction" instead of "critique" because that's what Random Story Encounters are: reactions). Obviously, this person does have confidence issues but if they were to approach me for actual critique, then they would get something different than an RSE which is not intended to be critique.

Now, I find that your words that there are no positive RSEs disingenuous, because you did not see this one or [url=http://pyrostinger.dreamwidth.org/19870.html]this one. Yes, two overall positive reactions out of 24 so far, but there are a lot of writers out there making mistakes. Don't think I'm trying to put myself above others as an arbiter of all things good quality. But these are my reactions to these stories, not something somebody should hold up.

I think that just about everybody attempting to put pen to proverbial paper is trying to express themselves. But if it's put out there for public viewing, then the public is going to view it and inevitably not everybody is going to be a fan of the works for some reason or other. There is only so much shielding that one can do. Really, I hope your friend is able to move past this and continue writing. The trick with negative words is that there is a nugget in the center, and if you are to build as a writer you need to move past the fact that the words weren't kindly or positive and into what the person who wrote or said them was trying to say. This may be a mechanical issue or something else that has to do with the bones and meat of the story that should be heeded should the writer want to become a better writer.

Pyro isn't at the forefront of FA writers, but I'm pretty sure he fits under the qualification "respected." He generally knows what he's talking about, and people respect his writing enough to publish it. I would say his ethos is not exactly questionable.

I stopped reading after the first paragraph of the second scene of your story, by the way, mainly because of the presentation--I felt like I had gotten about 400 words worth of content from the 1400 words I had read so far. You just have a lot of words and clauses and even sentences thrown in that don't need to be there. I skimmed the rest of the story from then on, and that seems to be true throughout, because I don't feel like I missed anything important by skimming.

Like, all of this section (except for Bastard!)adds completely nothing to the story, because we can and will infer every single thing it says from events that just happened: "Bastard! Scott swore inwardly in sudden realisation. Amos’ smugness, Robbie’s fear... It could only add up to one thing – the poor sod. He had been no more than a passing victim to Amos and another name, if the rex even remembered it, on Amos’ infamous ‘list’."

Also, yanno, you really don't have to be gay or bi to know what semen smells like.

I think there's some workable content there, but you should present it better and shave off the layers of unnecessary detail. Once it's easier to see the content and continuity more easily, maybe you'll start seeing ways to improve it, as well. (I question the necessity/execution of most of the plot, but that would take too long to write out. And I question everything, so don't take it personally.)

Um...you're actually putting down a lot of what the commissioner asked for, cripes. And I respect those that are respectable ;)

And I don't mind if you disagree. Just that I disagree with being overly negative. I wonder how you'd feel in my shoes? Actually, it's not even my stories being torn apart that I care about - bring it on. It's my friend's.

Because people will say what they want online without care or regard for somebody;s feelings. Call it freedom of speech or call it whatever pleases you. But these actions remind me very vividly of the petty girls that told me that my hair was too frizzy and that I was ugly. One against a group. The feelings that I have in response to both situations are the same.

However, I will look into my use of clauses in future stories. Though, to be fair, it does depend on the competency of the reader also (I don't deny having to look things up when I'm analysing a text that I find personally difficult). I didn't explain every point in another story and, well, pyrostinger didn't get it. Final point: the part that you quoted was to show SCOTT'S realisation and to imply that Amos had been 'getting away' wtih things for far too long.

Uh, I'm going to assume you mean "Rabbi" and not "Rabbit."

Would be a funnier joke if it was a rabbit. ;3

I have to say, writing is a bit more than just porn. I mean, not that you need to have any kind of premise, but if you really do want to have a premise and setup, at least make it somewhat believable. Nothing necessarily wrong with coming up with the action and creating the premise to fit...just don't half-ass it. I'd really like to know where you found the first story; I could use a good laugh.

That would be cheating.

What would be cheating? Naming the author, or fitting a premise to the action?

The second example is precisely why I avoid any kind of porn set in a well-known setting. I have yet to read any of that sort of 'fic' which I could finish. Granted, it was a commission, so the author probably didn't have a lot of choice about the topics, but still... some things should not be Rule 34'd.

As far as the first story, it was simply rushed. You can end up at that level of depravity a lot easier if you build it up slowly. First, he has to do something embarrassing and/or humiliating, but not so bad that he would just turn it down. Then -surprise-, it was recorded. And will be sent to any company you apply at. Effectively blackmail. Now the threat about 'never getting a job in the industry again' is at least quasi-believable. And so our luckless protagonist is blackmailed into doing something even more embarrassing/humiliating, being OPENLY recorded, and the spiral downwards continues.

The author just wanted to get to the 'good stuff' (apparently his opinion, certainly not mind) and left out those steps, forgetting that anticipation can make a treat all the sweeter.

You'd avoid it simply because of rule 34? Understanding if the topic/kink doesn't float your boat, but it seems to be cutting out some good stories.

And I wrote that second story. I worked extremely hard on it and the commissioner loved it. All I did was take the characters, the storyline provided and work the plan into something that I thought was interesting. Hey, people miss out a lot when they don't finish the story. I think that it is less a "fan fiction" as my story has been "degraded" to (at least, the comments concerning that appear derogatory) and more a story that happens to use characters from that TV show.

But hey, what do I know?

Any time you write porn about an established setting (in your case, Dinosaurs), by definition you take the story line in a whole new direction of your liking. The wider the divergence, the smaller the receptive audience. And it sounded like you diverged pretty widely.

I have yet to encounter a story using already established settings which I have enjoyed. Likely, due to the 'ease' of writing from someone else's material, there is a plethora of really, really BADLY written fic, and precious little which is written decently. Mostly because decent authors can come up with their own setting rather than needing someone else's.

I'm not bashing your authoring skills, mostly because I haven't read anything you have written so I can't say how good or bad an author you actually are. You were commissioned to work with a specific already established setting, so you worked with what you had. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and that your commissioner enjoyed it. For commissioned works, that's really all that counts.

But most porn set in an already established setting which I have encountered generally fall into one of these categories:

1) Self insert fic. Putting a proxy of the author, or the commissioner, into the setting for wish-fulfilment. See also: Mary Sue

2) Very extreme fetish work. Way further than I prefer to go. And by very extreme, we're talking watersports, scat, snuff, and other extremely marginal and extreme fetishes.

3) Poorly tagged, so you don't realize that you're going to run into aforementioned extreme fetish until you get there.

4) Tends to prefer 'cute' pre-established settings to cause even greater shock value. Examples include My Little Porny, PokePorn, and old nursery stories (like Red Riding Hood)

I'm not saying yours fits into this mold, and again, I'm not bashing your skills as an author. I'm merely stating what I have personally observed, and why I avoid the entire genre on general principles. Burned once, twice shy.

No need to lecture me on it. I'm just saying "to each their own" at this point because I respect differing opinions. Although I think that, if a fan fiction varies from the original, it attracts a wider audience. I feel rather branded (but I'm not actually angry at this - I'm angry at something else, so I do apologise here) but I still maintain that my story did not deserve to be slated on the one-tenth that was read, if that.

My last opinion is to judge stories on individual merits, although I don't make a habit of writing "fan fiction". That's...hm...the only rule 34 story that I have done so far. But I have nothing against it, even if I do wince at the term "fan fic". Agree to differ on this one, certainly.