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Why is it so hard?
13 years ago
So, I’m trying to figure out – why as hard as I try, I’m still failing at the social side of life. I’ve finally come to terms with my fursona – which while even the majority of people on FA and in the furry community think isn’t something you need to ‘come out’ as – I still find myself hiding it from people.
How you ask? I had a very heated discussion with a family member recently on how it is apparently wrong for men / women to wear the opposite genders clothing – if this is their viewpoint, how could I ever hope to explain my fursuits, like, the Applejack costume I have?
It’s upsetting that as much as I enjoy fursuiting (even though I really haven’t had a great number of chances to do it – nor do I really consider myself a great performer) that it’s a hobby that most friends and family I have just don’t/won’t/can’t understand or accept. I don't expect them to, but to not have a single one - and actually to fear what some of them might think, makes it that much harder.
What is really weighing on me, is well, me.....my incessant need to justify that there is nothing wrong with me being a fur and how that ends up being transmitted into some need to go out of my way to inject my ‘furrieness’ into other things – as if I was 8 years old or something.
The most disheartening part, is that in my zeal – which I can only attribute to some strange concept of ‘making up for lost time’ that I feel I need to do – is that it’s hurting my relationships with my current friends and family (there is someone in particular that I wish to humbly apologize to – you know who you are).
I am finding it difficult (as it has always been for me) to try and meet new people that in this particular case I can do ‘furry’ things with, to help take the pressure off both meme and my existing relationships. Internet friends are not something I’ve understood – as I find I don’t have much to say (normally – as this entry seems to be an anomaly) or when I do say something, it comes out as awkward, since communicating on the net is not as articulate as it is in RL.
I find myself angry and frustrated with myself, that these issues STILL haunt my everyday life.
To complete the circle of relationship issues – I have family asking about why I’m still single – really? Really? Great – just what I need. It’s tough enough for me to make friends – dating is even more difficult. I’ve tried both before and after my joining of the fur community – and I usually find that in all cases I’m a blathering idiot in mixed company.
And, although I’m sure somehow I could try harder - I am left wondering if I'm just incapable of it, or am I really just not trying hard enough?
Anyone that has read this far, I greatly appreciate your interest – I very rarely, in fact almost never, air my personal problems out for others to see – as I have been blessed with many things in life, I always feel that my problems are so minor to what others face I guess all I can do is to keep trying, hopefully I can open up and meet people at MFF, try and spread my wings as it were (no pun actually intended). Until then, I will continue trying, and hopefully will find the balance that I’m missing in life.
How you ask? I had a very heated discussion with a family member recently on how it is apparently wrong for men / women to wear the opposite genders clothing – if this is their viewpoint, how could I ever hope to explain my fursuits, like, the Applejack costume I have?
It’s upsetting that as much as I enjoy fursuiting (even though I really haven’t had a great number of chances to do it – nor do I really consider myself a great performer) that it’s a hobby that most friends and family I have just don’t/won’t/can’t understand or accept. I don't expect them to, but to not have a single one - and actually to fear what some of them might think, makes it that much harder.
What is really weighing on me, is well, me.....my incessant need to justify that there is nothing wrong with me being a fur and how that ends up being transmitted into some need to go out of my way to inject my ‘furrieness’ into other things – as if I was 8 years old or something.
The most disheartening part, is that in my zeal – which I can only attribute to some strange concept of ‘making up for lost time’ that I feel I need to do – is that it’s hurting my relationships with my current friends and family (there is someone in particular that I wish to humbly apologize to – you know who you are).
I am finding it difficult (as it has always been for me) to try and meet new people that in this particular case I can do ‘furry’ things with, to help take the pressure off both meme and my existing relationships. Internet friends are not something I’ve understood – as I find I don’t have much to say (normally – as this entry seems to be an anomaly) or when I do say something, it comes out as awkward, since communicating on the net is not as articulate as it is in RL.
I find myself angry and frustrated with myself, that these issues STILL haunt my everyday life.
To complete the circle of relationship issues – I have family asking about why I’m still single – really? Really? Great – just what I need. It’s tough enough for me to make friends – dating is even more difficult. I’ve tried both before and after my joining of the fur community – and I usually find that in all cases I’m a blathering idiot in mixed company.
And, although I’m sure somehow I could try harder - I am left wondering if I'm just incapable of it, or am I really just not trying hard enough?
Anyone that has read this far, I greatly appreciate your interest – I very rarely, in fact almost never, air my personal problems out for others to see – as I have been blessed with many things in life, I always feel that my problems are so minor to what others face I guess all I can do is to keep trying, hopefully I can open up and meet people at MFF, try and spread my wings as it were (no pun actually intended). Until then, I will continue trying, and hopefully will find the balance that I’m missing in life.
