FA+
Shop
Another Year Older
11 years ago
So about a week ago - was my B-day, I try and not make a big deal about it - and I very much dislike advertising it - not because I'm 'old', but rather I feel doing so would make me look like an attention whore. Didn't do much that day anyways - basically just decided i didn't wanna do any chore - they could wait until tomorrow!
This was a milestone b-day - 30 - which in truth i know isn't that old, nor to i feel depressed that I've reach that point. I won't lie though - I've been feeling a bit off as of late - Think I've finally gotten to that point, that I feel i should be able to go out and have fun and not feel guilty about it and, i just don't think I've over come that.
I know to some, that concept doesn't even make sense, but, realize (please know i'm not complaining here, this is just the facts as i see them) that I was so focused on making sure I would have the future I wanted for myself, a professional career, a place to call my own - that I focused all my time, effort and money to do so. I dreamed all 4 years of college to be able to buy a fursuit - to go to a convention - but the school i went to was far too demanding (and expensive) to do that. And, I won't lie as I'm not perfect, watching people my age, and younger at the time doing those things, made me envious.
And now, I've gotten to the point, where I DO have the means, the time, and the stability in my life to do those things....but i still feel like doing so is selfish and i guilt trip myself into thinking the time/money could be spent in better ways - or worse, that I'm just being an attention whore that wants to go suiting out in public.
I'm hoping, at some point this summer, I can change that - give myself the leeway to actually DO these things. Was gonna try and goto Comic-Con, but apparently that sold out months ago :( Even got another fursuit in the works as we speak - so I can't complain at all right now
Life is very good regardless of that, got my love
here with me, and helps me to see that I'm being ridiculous with all those thoughts. Hope to see lots of you at MFF this December!
This was a milestone b-day - 30 - which in truth i know isn't that old, nor to i feel depressed that I've reach that point. I won't lie though - I've been feeling a bit off as of late - Think I've finally gotten to that point, that I feel i should be able to go out and have fun and not feel guilty about it and, i just don't think I've over come that.
I know to some, that concept doesn't even make sense, but, realize (please know i'm not complaining here, this is just the facts as i see them) that I was so focused on making sure I would have the future I wanted for myself, a professional career, a place to call my own - that I focused all my time, effort and money to do so. I dreamed all 4 years of college to be able to buy a fursuit - to go to a convention - but the school i went to was far too demanding (and expensive) to do that. And, I won't lie as I'm not perfect, watching people my age, and younger at the time doing those things, made me envious.
And now, I've gotten to the point, where I DO have the means, the time, and the stability in my life to do those things....but i still feel like doing so is selfish and i guilt trip myself into thinking the time/money could be spent in better ways - or worse, that I'm just being an attention whore that wants to go suiting out in public.
I'm hoping, at some point this summer, I can change that - give myself the leeway to actually DO these things. Was gonna try and goto Comic-Con, but apparently that sold out months ago :( Even got another fursuit in the works as we speak - so I can't complain at all right now
Life is very good regardless of that, got my love
here with me, and helps me to see that I'm being ridiculous with all those thoughts. Hope to see lots of you at MFF this December!
Plus, it will be great to see you and Fritzie again.
At 40, I came up with, "Fuck it, I'm doing it!" attitude and haven't looked back. It's healthy to blow off some steam and just have some care free time.
Look forward to seeing you soon.
*hugs*
Guess I'd be more apt to jump at things if I was a bit farther along on some of my obligations like my student loans, which are almost gone... feels like that has held me back for so long ( going on 8 years 0.o ), that my default setting is, well I SHOULD be paying that off rather than spending hundreds on plane tickets and con hotel rooms -.-
See you at MFF!
HUZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH, NOW YOU GET A BIRTHDAY CAKE !