Out of the amount of time I've had this account on this site, I've never posted a journal until now. But I just want to post this to put out the fact that everything I seem to communicate with seems to hate me because it refuses to get to the one person I want to talk to and will send anything to everyone else. I feel that this is just going to seem like an excuse, but I don't know how to explain it. It's something "magical". SOMETHING doesn't want me to contact them. But you know what? I'll tell you who this person is. It's my girlfriend. It's the one I've loved for over FOUR YEARS. It's . I wouldn't usually put my issues out in the open but I don't care. We haven't had the best time in the past year. I will admit, at first I was just giving the excuse "I've been busy with work and school". Now I just wish SOMETHING would go out. I'm not perfect and I've messed up and hurt her so many times that I've wanted to hide away from EVERYONE. Now it's like something is telling me "It's too late to fix anything with her" but I just don't want to believe that. Maybe I'll be able to talk to her again soon, but I just wish it could be right now. My text messages don't seem to go through, my messages on facebook fail to send to her mobile and will only send through facebook, and phone calls now automatically always go to voicemail (like it just did). The strangest thing? After I call and it goes to voicemail, I go to my recent calls list and her name isn't on it. This is eating me alive and it's like I'm going crazy. I hate this so much.