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Ever had a dream like this? (Emo stuff)
13 years ago
Moar Friends!
First, thanks for reading, and possibly commenting. Some backstory before I get to the dream itself.
I believe it was February of 2008. I was still just a kid, still inexperienced and nervous. I'd been in an on-and-off relationship with a beautiful girl by the name of Charlene, from Washington. Things were looking stable, I was happy. One day, as I was roleplaying in a forum, I met an incredibly attractive girl who instantly took to me. She said that if she couldn't be with me, she'd commit suicide.
Now, I know what you might think. I should have backed away. Called her bluff. Stayed the course. But I was a terrified 16-year-old kid. I didn't know what to do. So I panicked and decided to break off a solid and beautiful thing with someone I loved for a passionate fling with someone I just met.
Worst mistake of my life... But I'll say I learned plenty from it. Countless times I suffered the brunt of her bouts of depression and anger, clinging to whatever thread of love I believed there to be. I was head over heels for her, and I didn't see what she was doing to me. At her junior prom, I trusted her to go with a date, for nothing to happen. She cheated on me and I forgave her like a fool. Every time I tried to get away, she'd find a way to slink back into my life to remove any resolve I had and shatter any connections I'd formed.
Was she a succubus? A demon temptress from another world who appeared to me as the perfect woman, only to torment me and scar my heart? I'll never know. Two years ago, I finally said no more. I blocked her on every social network I could think of. Forgot about her and buried my hurt and heartbreak under a thick shell of artificial hatred. Burned anything that reminded me of her. Literally.
Yet every once in a while she slips back into my psyche to break past my defenses and tear the old wounds open. She wants to be my friend, she says. She can't love me that way anymore, she says. Has she no shame? Does she not realize she broke me? Ruined love for me for years? Last I spoke openly to her, I carved her named on my hand during a psychotic episode where I all I could think of was claiming her for my own, no matter what she or anyone did to stop me. I calmed down, however.
Recently, I tried to move on, unblocked her from Facebook. A few months ago, she added me. Emotions flooded my mind, most prominently hope. Hope I could return to the sweet emotional torture. When I contacted her, however... She didn't even recognize me until I flat-out told her she added me.
Words can't describe how I feel about her now. So I keep it all inside... I forget and try to focus on what good I have left that she didn't corrupt.
Now, my dream... Well, like many dreams I didn't realize it was one until I woke. For some reason I cankt seem to explain or remember, her love for me had returned. I was happier than I'd been in countless months. I thought my life was finally looking up.
Then my eyes opened. I was in my room. I lay dazed a moment. If that had been a dream... Then I was still nothing to her... I could feel a weight on my heart but I couldn't bring myself to cry. I was just...
Empty.
I believe it was February of 2008. I was still just a kid, still inexperienced and nervous. I'd been in an on-and-off relationship with a beautiful girl by the name of Charlene, from Washington. Things were looking stable, I was happy. One day, as I was roleplaying in a forum, I met an incredibly attractive girl who instantly took to me. She said that if she couldn't be with me, she'd commit suicide.
Now, I know what you might think. I should have backed away. Called her bluff. Stayed the course. But I was a terrified 16-year-old kid. I didn't know what to do. So I panicked and decided to break off a solid and beautiful thing with someone I loved for a passionate fling with someone I just met.
Worst mistake of my life... But I'll say I learned plenty from it. Countless times I suffered the brunt of her bouts of depression and anger, clinging to whatever thread of love I believed there to be. I was head over heels for her, and I didn't see what she was doing to me. At her junior prom, I trusted her to go with a date, for nothing to happen. She cheated on me and I forgave her like a fool. Every time I tried to get away, she'd find a way to slink back into my life to remove any resolve I had and shatter any connections I'd formed.
Was she a succubus? A demon temptress from another world who appeared to me as the perfect woman, only to torment me and scar my heart? I'll never know. Two years ago, I finally said no more. I blocked her on every social network I could think of. Forgot about her and buried my hurt and heartbreak under a thick shell of artificial hatred. Burned anything that reminded me of her. Literally.
Yet every once in a while she slips back into my psyche to break past my defenses and tear the old wounds open. She wants to be my friend, she says. She can't love me that way anymore, she says. Has she no shame? Does she not realize she broke me? Ruined love for me for years? Last I spoke openly to her, I carved her named on my hand during a psychotic episode where I all I could think of was claiming her for my own, no matter what she or anyone did to stop me. I calmed down, however.
Recently, I tried to move on, unblocked her from Facebook. A few months ago, she added me. Emotions flooded my mind, most prominently hope. Hope I could return to the sweet emotional torture. When I contacted her, however... She didn't even recognize me until I flat-out told her she added me.
Words can't describe how I feel about her now. So I keep it all inside... I forget and try to focus on what good I have left that she didn't corrupt.
Now, my dream... Well, like many dreams I didn't realize it was one until I woke. For some reason I cankt seem to explain or remember, her love for me had returned. I was happier than I'd been in countless months. I thought my life was finally looking up.
Then my eyes opened. I was in my room. I lay dazed a moment. If that had been a dream... Then I was still nothing to her... I could feel a weight on my heart but I couldn't bring myself to cry. I was just...
Empty.
Maybe in a way she was a succubus, this woman who wanted to drain you of everything, probably just for the fact that she could. Seems like one of those people who try to control others because they can, to be honest.