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why do i bother.. don't read this
13 years ago
your new beginning
ok its pretty much midterms week+pms+money issues+mom issues+ no one's shoulder to really cry on so here i sit. if you don't want to hear a pittiful rant then leave now
ok you ready? well first off my computer had been having some major issues because it hasn't been cleaned ever so its been piling up on viruses and crap sense about 2009 and i still can't wipe it till i have enough $ to buy windows because i currently have vista which i have been informed to be one of the worst internet things ever...
i also have no tissue to i'm blowing my nose on paper towel..
i'm stressing over school because i'm stupid and bad memory runs in my family.. i'm trying to stay organized by planning everything but i don't have enough time, money, or ability to do everything i want to..
having a car would in a way make things easier because my mom can pretty much not drive at night but having a car would make my $ problems 100% worse so can't exactly do that
i've been on the hunt for some more friends because as we all grow, our differences become greater so i'm looking for more people that have things more incommon with me (sorry if you're offended current friends if you are reading this but ya i can't really take any of it back.)
i thought i would have more time with my mate now that i can get to him via bus BUT no x.x due to out own heckteck scheduals and the fact that my bus does not run later than 6 i think i see him less than i did when we were in high school which sucks.. i hate having a weekend boyfriend and with his delay text it makes it impossible to have a real conversation with him unless we're actually together which makes him feel even more like a weekend bf... i've confronted him on this before but he can't really help it.. confronting him on it just makes us both more upset..
-goes through another paper towel-
any who. i'm trying to save money but its hard when i have to pay a lot for school lunch if i don't pack it because school lunch is high price x.x
still have lots of hw, still trying to run art club, still trying to meet new friends, still trying to save money for next semester, still trying to find time to drive, and still trying to clean..
i just wish i had a shoulder to cry on.. my mom is part of the frustration tears so she is our, my current friends are fighting their own battle which makes mine look like a sissy fight so i really don't want to impose on them, and my boyfriend would reply " -hugs you tight- its going to be ok hun, i'm here" just after i cry myself to sleep because i sent my pleed 20 min ago...
i'll just get lost in my manga.. forget i'm me and live in the pages of my book only feeling the main characters problems..
i hope things start to get better!
i can chat with ya some if ya want.
-tailwags-
thanks though =3 i'm fine just had a lil rage quit moment
im sad that i never really got to hang much with you, i'll try to shoot you a txt when i get my phone back =D
wuff =D
I'm just gonna throw this out there and get it off my chest and I"m sure off yours a bit: I think the issue between you and I is we're both overly-sensitive to the other person's tone. Like I'm not trying to be a bitch to you and I know you're not trying to be a bitch to me. However, it inevitably comes across that way when we talk anymore. Idk why, but it does.
And my analysis/advice: You're taking way too much on, especially with all the clubs you're trying to be in and starting/running art club. You need to divert more of the responsibility to Willow as she is co-president. And, maybe instead of having 2 meetings a week, you should whittle it down to one again or maybe even 1 every other week. It sucks, but maybe it would help you. These are just suggestions. As for the money: Hun, you're 19. You shouldn't be worrying about money as hard as you are now! You can always apply for scholarships with Zinch.com (my favorite). Maybe you should also get a different job.. one that pays better and doesn't have you traveling all over the place via bus. As for your mate... there's not much I can say there, but I know it sucks... you can always talk to me though. What's your mom doing?
i agree i should maybe change it to just monday again and willow is kind of pissing me off i wanna demote her >.> she last min texted me today that she couldn't make it because of doctor app which it feels like she has one every other week if not more x.x
ya i need to apply for more scholarships and i'm working on getting another job x.x just trying to get one in foco so it'll be easier to get to when i live there.
i will try to talk to you more ^^; its half burden you and half i feel like my problems are so pittley ass compared to yours lol like i just imagine when you're reading about my mate and just being like "grow a pair! i haven't had any in weeks and before that, months!" lol
I"m sorry I couldn't make it to the club on Wednesday and that sucks it got canceled. I've noticed Ian doesn't join us anymore.
And the way you worded the first sentence kinda hurts. Just saying. I appreciate your honesty, but ow. I don't like texting when I just get responses like "O" and it's always "^^;;;" Like you're embarrassed to talk to me or something. I don't like having to drag a conversation out of people.
heh..I think our newest Insider is about to get fired for being a fuckwit, so maybe you can apply with me :D We can carpool :p
And I would never say "grow a pair" involving you not seeing your mate! It sucks no matter how long it is! And I watch a LOT (I can not stress how much) of porn... so I'm doing okay xD
Oh, and... you and I are going to sit down once the physical catalogs for Spring semester come out and we are going to register on time :p I don't want you at school until all hours of the evening, you could get diddled. Plus I'd like to have a similar schedule :D Then you, Peter, and I could all do stuff without regard to school!
ya i hung with ian Wednesday evening and he's been in the middle of a big move so i can understand no time ^^;
ya sorry didn't know how to sugar code it ^^;
and i can understand the texting issue and sometimes i do feel embarrassed because i don't really understand always what you're talking about as far as music and lil about furry stuff but that's kind of just another reason we should hang out =3 to re connect
i kind of felt like you were shooting me down a bit today at church ^^; putting up an emotional shield so i couldn't get close
lol good to know =3 you should share your good sites with me lol
and yes we must plann together because everyone wants to diddle me after hours =p
and yes we all need to try and get a class together x3 would be awesome if it was an art class