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A chink in the armor (warning! Rant Ahead!!!)
17 years ago
The Rantings of an Art Crazed Chow, Second verse, same as the first.
*** Please be warned! Rant ahead, if easily offended please read no further.***
Not too many things set me off anymore, I try to go with the flow and ride the waves. Now and then, something happens which gets the blood boiling. Yes folks something did happen to get that old blood simmering, pull up a chair and let me tell you what happened.
I have several strikes against me, being male, being old, and being black. It is easy to accept being old, it happens, and being male is a given, heaven knows if I was born female, being black is a coping thing and I manage to keep a cool head about myself when matters of race comes up. It started on the FA forums in Rants and Raves with a thread on racism. I said my two cents on it and left it at that. Later on, while browsing I came across a piece of art which I found appealing to me, I won't go into details and was about to fave when I chanced to scroll down to the comments. Yep, all the comments were quite favorable except for one saying the piece was racist. Yep, quite an easy call considering the content of the piece and normally I would let such things slide. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to just click on the commenter's page, look through the gallery and.... Oh how I would love to go on but like I said before folks could be easily offended.
I left a comment, sighed and continued on but still a sick feeling crept into the pit of my stomach, feelings of self doubt and such, the symptoms I usually get when I let something bother me. I look in the mirror each morning, shave the stubble when I feel like it and look deeply into the brown orbs belonging to a moderately brown face. The questions are simple depending on what the mood is. This morning the question was "What do I want to do after work since it is Friday." Sadly I fear that the next morning will front a different question, "Why???"
A few moments ago, before I drafted this, I took a moment to examine my gallery, looking through what I have posted since I joined FA and I have noticed something. I hardly have any humans of color drawn, what few humans I do draw. True, my story Artist's Light has one human who is black and one would say represents myself, but nothing more. In the beginning I have equated the character of Dsan Tsan as myself as an anthro, but over the years I've more or less pushed the chow to become his own entity. Many times I have thought of posting at least one picture of myself, a RL picture but chose not to for some unknown fear. True there are those who have met me in person and would tell you that I am quite a fine person, yet I wonder if their opinions would matter in the end.
(sigh) Oh I could go on and on but this is getting too long, too depressing and such. More questions to be asked, such as now that I have outted myself, should I just walk away? Or should I stay and just try and blend into the background, keeping my mouth shut, my opinions to myself and be a good doggie. I don't wish to seek validation for myself and my existence, I just want to exist. I do not wish acknowledgment of who I am, I just want to be myself.
I just want what everyone else wants, nothing more.
(sigh)
Not too many things set me off anymore, I try to go with the flow and ride the waves. Now and then, something happens which gets the blood boiling. Yes folks something did happen to get that old blood simmering, pull up a chair and let me tell you what happened.
I have several strikes against me, being male, being old, and being black. It is easy to accept being old, it happens, and being male is a given, heaven knows if I was born female, being black is a coping thing and I manage to keep a cool head about myself when matters of race comes up. It started on the FA forums in Rants and Raves with a thread on racism. I said my two cents on it and left it at that. Later on, while browsing I came across a piece of art which I found appealing to me, I won't go into details and was about to fave when I chanced to scroll down to the comments. Yep, all the comments were quite favorable except for one saying the piece was racist. Yep, quite an easy call considering the content of the piece and normally I would let such things slide. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to just click on the commenter's page, look through the gallery and.... Oh how I would love to go on but like I said before folks could be easily offended.
I left a comment, sighed and continued on but still a sick feeling crept into the pit of my stomach, feelings of self doubt and such, the symptoms I usually get when I let something bother me. I look in the mirror each morning, shave the stubble when I feel like it and look deeply into the brown orbs belonging to a moderately brown face. The questions are simple depending on what the mood is. This morning the question was "What do I want to do after work since it is Friday." Sadly I fear that the next morning will front a different question, "Why???"
A few moments ago, before I drafted this, I took a moment to examine my gallery, looking through what I have posted since I joined FA and I have noticed something. I hardly have any humans of color drawn, what few humans I do draw. True, my story Artist's Light has one human who is black and one would say represents myself, but nothing more. In the beginning I have equated the character of Dsan Tsan as myself as an anthro, but over the years I've more or less pushed the chow to become his own entity. Many times I have thought of posting at least one picture of myself, a RL picture but chose not to for some unknown fear. True there are those who have met me in person and would tell you that I am quite a fine person, yet I wonder if their opinions would matter in the end.
(sigh) Oh I could go on and on but this is getting too long, too depressing and such. More questions to be asked, such as now that I have outted myself, should I just walk away? Or should I stay and just try and blend into the background, keeping my mouth shut, my opinions to myself and be a good doggie. I don't wish to seek validation for myself and my existence, I just want to exist. I do not wish acknowledgment of who I am, I just want to be myself.
I just want what everyone else wants, nothing more.
(sigh)
As for me, I'm very specific about what offends me, and less specific about what simply disinterest me, and I generally consider myself hard to offend. (For the record, what offends me are violence, force/coercion, drugs, alcohol and smoking... There are things that DON'T offend me at all that do others, which I won't go into.)
That said, I don't know what you "outed" yourself about, and I'm not entirely sure if it's worth asking. I will say this- For the years I've known you, I'd say you're more or less typical in the furry community, just in terms of what you are.
If you want to reach me privately, just note me or email me- You have myt email, and I (and the mouse) have two open ears waiting to listen... :) I'm still on the same small IRC network I've been on the last several years, too-- Or, rather, a certain mouse is. :)
d.m.f.
d.m.f.