I got news that someone from the school I used to attend died. I was kinda rocked, I honestly expected a car accident or foot ball related accident. Apparently he OD'ed. Without breaking AUP and all that nonsense insert "drugs are bad mmmkay" here. I have to admit the reason I knew him is our paths crossed a lot and we generally hung around the same "dens" and people. We never really grew fond of each other and him being a football star and me being the "freak" we didnt get along in class. For what ever reason he would contact me to get people I knew. I was basically a contact book. Never knew each other any more than venting our life pains with substances that seemed to only make it worse but we continued to lie to ourselves that it was going to help us.

I graduated high school, I grew up, I stopped my past and got clean for the sake of the man I was dating, now my husband. He gave me purpose. A reason. Bryan was a star, a football phenomenon. At 6'2 and over 200 pounds he was a wrecking ball of talent. I never talked to him after I left, I never heard much about him except his successes. He must have been hurting because he struggled with drugs ever since his freshman year, him being a grade below me I was out before his senior year so I cannot say how his last year in high school went.

I feel as if he was cheated, I didnt amount to anything and I have nothing I am good at yet he had everything, money, fame, a talent and he was smart. He dies. That just seems like a cheap shot and a dick move. No second chance no intervention- nothing. Just fucking dies. His parents probably didnt know the real him and I cannot say if his home life was that great, something was wrong for him to medicate like that. It seems like he got cheated and I was allowed to progress and yet I have nothing to offer. It depresses me because he had everything in front of him and its all gone, a dead dream with a dead kid. How is that remotely fair? I cant but help but think "why him, why take someone who had everything".

If you struggle with drugs and I dont mean pot, PLEASE get help. Dont waste life. Sometimes you can help get yourself out of a hole, other times you need help. Dont dig a pit too deep no one can help you out of. Get help, be it professional which I recommend, or open up to a friend, dont suffer because you feel like you are obligated to. Dont get cheated, the odds are in the houses favor but dont make a mistake that insures it wins.