I'm feeling reflective atm, forgive me for the long stream of consciousness.

There are times in your life where you have been down for awhile, constantly stressed, etc for long periods of time. During this time you are well aware you are nowhere near your best and despite your best efforts you just cannot achieve near as much as you know that you can. Your tired, your worn, your unproductive, and you always feel as if you are failing at things. It wears on you, it get worrisome, and you add to your own stress. The more you worry and think about it the less you can accomplish. I think you can see how this descends until you finally plateau out at a workable "survival" level. That level where you take care of your basic needs of living and staying sane and not much else. A level that accomplishes little except for pass the time.

For most, this is where your friends come in. They kick cheer you up, they kick your ass, they support you, they call you out. Good friends generally try to give you what they think you NEED rather than what you want. Good friends that you know you can trust are more valuable than a job, a date, or indeed most things in this world. Make sure you appreciate them and be there for them in return.


But what of those situations that happen that remove those friends, or happen when you do not have any friends who are that good and trustworthy? Why you continue on surviving until the problems go away or until you finally get fed up and start the wheels of change. Because honestly most problems of that severity do not simply go away. Now the trickiest part of all this is typically when we are in this "survival state" we do not see the world clearly. We have our walls up, defenses deployed, and we are dug in and expecting yet another day of survival. We pass by opportunities without a thought, we are tired, it would never happen, it takes too much work, I don't have this, I can't do that. These negative and undermining thoughts undercut our efforts before they even begin.

But life moves on and so to do people. One day you find that you don't care what the obstacles are and you start trying. And it goes badly. It always does at first. This is why sometimes it takes several failed attempts to lift yourself out of a bad situation. It's like trying to run a marathon after doing nothing but being a coach potato for months. You have the will, but you have much work to do before you can achieve your goal. The important thing however is that you begin to move. Because once you commit to action you have planted the seed of an idea in your own head. Survival will no longer be acceptable, and given long enough even the most laconic person will be willing to move the very world to improve their situation.


I understand many of these things. Intimately from both first and second hand knowledge. Yet I am no less vulnerable to these types of situations. However, after a year of surviving I began to move. I started accomplishing small things, insignificant things. I built up from there and began accomplishing larger things. Impossible situations stood before me, certain failures seemed imminent. The words can't, won't, and impossible followed me like locusts. These words had basing in logic and emotion. They were also wrong.



I stand upon a precipice in my life. The next year of my life will start off my next grand adventure into the unknown, leading me away from the safe survival of the last year in which I healed from torments past. I have no clue how it will end up, if it'll go well or disastrously, if I'll make new friends or continue more or less alone as I currently am. It is unknown and the unknown is scary, intimidating, insurmountable. It makes you want to reach for the comfort and safety of things you can feel and touch. It makes you want to discount it as a possibility.

But again, a saying I heard from an anime pops into my head. I cannot seem to shake these words for they bear too much truth.

"Your ticket to the future is always blank."
"The choices we make in life have unlimited possibilities. All I can do is think about them."

-Rem (Trigun)

She said it with such a calm excitement, and I too share that excitement. I can't help but look forwards at the future and be excited by the possibilities I will make happen despite any mistakes or happenings of the past. The future may be uncertain, but I will face it with an excited smile and an overabundance of goofiness :).