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Feeling incredibly happy and badass right now.
13 years ago
*Long read* Feeling incredibly happy and badass right now. For years I've struggled in school and accomplished little of note except wasting money. I've managed to whip every other part of my life through determined effort but school has always been a hit and miss endeavor for me. It was depress, it made me feel broken. Now matter how hard I tried for some reason I could never commit to school the same way I commit to work, life, and people. It really destroyed my confidence with school, which didn't help the vicious cycle.
I've slowly been focusing more and more on it as the rest of my life has been "fixed". I've been busting hump catching up on behind school work after procrastinating due to life stresses. 4-8 hours a night after a full day of straight BS at work these days. I started looking at the path ahead and realized I might not make it, despite all my hard work I might not make my dead lines and I might have another bad semester.
My reaction to that was I didn't care at all, I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed. I was straight up determined. This semester too late to save? Whatever, work hard and do everything possible to make next semester easy. If I need equipment I'll work hard and scrimp and save to buy it. (And ask my dad of course, he'll kill me if I keep forgetting to ask him lol).
Que the revelation. So after all this time I realized I finally have that spark towards school work. Years of failure seemingly no matter how much I wanted it, feeling depressed over it, feeling broken because of it. GONE. Like that. The linger words of the one who instilled that self defeating mentality in me in the first place? Blown away. I have complete and full confidence towards my school work now, and nothing will stop me. I can't even describe the amount of confidence I have right now, it's over 9,000 :P.
To top it all off, I stopped by school today (hybrid course, being done mostly online). I was wrong, I have more time than I thought. It just went from being hectic and close to plain easy. Freekin sweet. My exact words when the teacher told me the dates upon asking. He's seen me come and go for years, I think seeing me take care of my stuff will make him happy too. He's old and worn out, but still a teacher at heart under his cynicism it seems :P.
So ya, I feel on top of the world right now. My last remaining major obstacle in life has just been crossed.
I've slowly been focusing more and more on it as the rest of my life has been "fixed". I've been busting hump catching up on behind school work after procrastinating due to life stresses. 4-8 hours a night after a full day of straight BS at work these days. I started looking at the path ahead and realized I might not make it, despite all my hard work I might not make my dead lines and I might have another bad semester.
My reaction to that was I didn't care at all, I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed. I was straight up determined. This semester too late to save? Whatever, work hard and do everything possible to make next semester easy. If I need equipment I'll work hard and scrimp and save to buy it. (And ask my dad of course, he'll kill me if I keep forgetting to ask him lol).
Que the revelation. So after all this time I realized I finally have that spark towards school work. Years of failure seemingly no matter how much I wanted it, feeling depressed over it, feeling broken because of it. GONE. Like that. The linger words of the one who instilled that self defeating mentality in me in the first place? Blown away. I have complete and full confidence towards my school work now, and nothing will stop me. I can't even describe the amount of confidence I have right now, it's over 9,000 :P.
To top it all off, I stopped by school today (hybrid course, being done mostly online). I was wrong, I have more time than I thought. It just went from being hectic and close to plain easy. Freekin sweet. My exact words when the teacher told me the dates upon asking. He's seen me come and go for years, I think seeing me take care of my stuff will make him happy too. He's old and worn out, but still a teacher at heart under his cynicism it seems :P.
So ya, I feel on top of the world right now. My last remaining major obstacle in life has just been crossed.
Deathblow_6
~deathblow6
Go kick some ass!
