-sigh-
ok, to answer some of the responses to my last journal.
With the comment of being chased off I felt intimidated and slightly scared to be on my page, I made the other page thinking it would make me feel better. It didn't so I came back to this one. I know many people, when they have fights, try to scare the other person away and I thought that was going to happen to me. As no one had come after me I felt safe enough to return.

For the art with someone else's character in them, those were posted up before the incident so I thought they were fine to keep up. if that is not the case, and an Admin tells me to remove them, then I shall do that. but for now I'll keep them up. Not to cause any drama. But just because I like the memories that go with some of the pieces.

I'm not trying to cause any sort of drama, I don't want a fight. I want to move on and try to forget this whole mess. Even if some people don't.

To respond to the fact that I need to learn between fiction and reality, I know the difference. I just prefer fantasy. I chose to respond in character most times to people because of the circumstances, or how they approach me as it were. I don't always rp, though it may seem that way to others. there is more going on in my life than other people have noticed. I won't say any more than that. since I doubt any of you really care what I say anyways.

I also know that some of you will be reporting most, if not all, of what I said to others so tell them this. "I'm sorry for everything." I don't care how they respond, I just want them to know I'm sorry.

Thinking back on all that's happened I was a shitty friend. But they weren't the best either. I had to change the way I was, thinking that if I acted as I truly felt they would hate me. well I guess it didn't work out so well in any case, did it? If you don't think I'm sincere when I say this, fine. think that. I don't care. I know I mean what I say and that's all that matters to me. They can blame me, they can hate me, they can even curse me. I know I deserve it. You may think I'm looking for pity, well I'm not. I just want them to know I am sorry for what I said, it was wrong and I'm stupid. Just a stupid kid who wasn't raised as well as my parents thought I was.

I guess I'm more messed up than I thought. So I'll be working on that, I'm gonna work on trying to be a better person. Maybe one day I'll be forgiven, but I won't hold my breath. alot of people can really hold grudges. I know I can. and my biggest grudge is making someone who was a big part of my life feel like shit.

I feel kinda stupid, no more than stupid, that I let myself do that. But I can't go back in time and change it. I can only try to fix it. which I doubt is possible. Again, I'm Sorry.

Anyways this journal is getting kinda long and if I don't stop soon it may be too long to post it. So if anyone wants to talk more send me a note. Even if it is just to accuse me more and make me feel like shit, I guess I deserve it.