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Mental Illness, a brief explanation
12 years ago
Has it ever happened to you that you feel like there's a battle raging in your mind? Like there's something deep within you that jsut wants to get out and tell things to others, no matter the consequences or reactions?
It happens to me. All the time. Been like this for years.
There's literally a battle raging between three parts of me. On one side, you got the human, the pretended "real" me. What he wants is to live a normal life as an average joe, without the burden of fantasy or limitations of medication. This is what I aspire to be.
But then you have another side of me, the part that I call the "beast" inside of me. What I see as the "inner" me. What it wants is for the human to do waht it wants, but always towards its twisted goals. Thaat envelope of flesh is nothing compared to the fury and destruction it seeks to bring out. There are times where I've almost made it come out, but I always swallowed it back in because I've still got the notion of "right-and-wrong" and a "reason". If I didn't have any of this, either me or someone near me would've have been kileld by now. Not hurt, killed. I have it in me, that psycopathic glint of malice that can be my demise. That's why I CHOOSE to be alone most of the time and avoid social encounters as much as possible.
Then theres a third part of me fighting both parts at once. That part I call the "dragon"; more precisely, "Darvo". That is the real me. What he wants, even I don't know. he is fighting for a goal that is unkown to me but it always seems that he's htere to support me in times of need, it's like a constant presence alongside me, a comforting voice when I'm down. He's been there in mayny forms; before he would appear to me as a large blue feral dragon, and through the years he's been given shape and form in my mind until my hand wove a web of a - for now intangible - universe. HE lives within me, and he giides my actions, my words and my hands. HE is the true me. The one that nobody sees but is there, as though my skin was but a mask he wore to hide among humanity.
... I hope this explains a bit how I am. And that it answers questions. Feel free to ask anything that I might've not been clear on.
Oh and I updated my profile, if you want to take a look.
See you next depression.
Darvo F.
It happens to me. All the time. Been like this for years.
There's literally a battle raging between three parts of me. On one side, you got the human, the pretended "real" me. What he wants is to live a normal life as an average joe, without the burden of fantasy or limitations of medication. This is what I aspire to be.
But then you have another side of me, the part that I call the "beast" inside of me. What I see as the "inner" me. What it wants is for the human to do waht it wants, but always towards its twisted goals. Thaat envelope of flesh is nothing compared to the fury and destruction it seeks to bring out. There are times where I've almost made it come out, but I always swallowed it back in because I've still got the notion of "right-and-wrong" and a "reason". If I didn't have any of this, either me or someone near me would've have been kileld by now. Not hurt, killed. I have it in me, that psycopathic glint of malice that can be my demise. That's why I CHOOSE to be alone most of the time and avoid social encounters as much as possible.
Then theres a third part of me fighting both parts at once. That part I call the "dragon"; more precisely, "Darvo". That is the real me. What he wants, even I don't know. he is fighting for a goal that is unkown to me but it always seems that he's htere to support me in times of need, it's like a constant presence alongside me, a comforting voice when I'm down. He's been there in mayny forms; before he would appear to me as a large blue feral dragon, and through the years he's been given shape and form in my mind until my hand wove a web of a - for now intangible - universe. HE lives within me, and he giides my actions, my words and my hands. HE is the true me. The one that nobody sees but is there, as though my skin was but a mask he wore to hide among humanity.
... I hope this explains a bit how I am. And that it answers questions. Feel free to ask anything that I might've not been clear on.
Oh and I updated my profile, if you want to take a look.
See you next depression.
Darvo F.
