Relationship status = tanked. He doesn't want anything to do with me and "doesn't know what his future holds" and such. He had said he wanted to try and work things out. Shows just how much I can't trust his words at all. Ah well. Maybe I can eventually find a therian/furr/horse person/farmer or something more aligned to the things I'm into now. Lord, another artist in my life would be awesome right now...

However, I moved to south NJ (Salem county) to help take care of my gram. That's gone astray. I know I keep being told it's not my fault, but as her caretaker.... Well, suffice to say she passed away two days ago. I'm helping her oldest (daughter), my Aunt Pat, to put pick up the pieces, sort through stuff, and such. It's so surreal. She's been an important part of my life for all of my life.

The house seems so foreign now.

The property needs to be sold, but who will own it is still up in the air. I don't have the equity, nor the credit rating. I had plans for a meadery, or something, but never got up the effort to put together a business plan (as I have no real idea how to put one together). So I don't know where I'm going to go from here. I don't know when I might be going, if I have to leave....

Lord, I miss her so much. Yet at the same time I'm numb. Shocked still, I think. Guilt-ridden even though I'm told it's not my fault. She was under my care, and I'm no CNA. There is so much to do, and every where I turn there is a memory.