I was hoping it was just not fully getting over the flu. But I'm afraid it's more than that. I've battled with it, assuring myself it isn't the case but I'm afraid it is. I've fallen into a pit that no matter how hard I try, I just can't crawl out of. I've hit a spell of depression I'm afraid. Nothing seems to have gone right since Feb. 16th. My mind can't stop reliving the loss and the hurt. It's not so much losing the chance to meet an awesome person but it's also just...the compounding of the feeling that I don't belong here. What do I have to contribute to this fandom? Can't really draw worth crap and am steadily losing the motivation to keep trying my paw at it. I don't fursuit...I don't dance...I don't do anything. Why am I still here?! I know the answer to that well enough though. I've met such awesome folks in this fandom and I love em all dearly. There's so many more I want to meet at FWA but I'm so scared I won't be accepted by most. I'm just too dull and too plain. Yet I don't wanna up and leave this. I can't really. It's become too much a part of who I am. But not having the means to travel as often as I'd like has made meeting new furs difficult so I have to rely on things like Twitter and IM services to get to know many folks better but that's just not enough. And perhaps at FWA, things will go spectacular and I will make some new friends but I just don't see how these days. I'm just not all that fun. Yes I'll still go to FWA and yes I'll still be a furry probably for many days to come. I just wish I felt more furry. I wish I could related better to this.