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When you come to realize the truth.
12 years ago
Now I want to first start off by stating that this journal is simply me not venting but expressing my own thoughts and views on my life at the present time. Some may take offense to it, some may just not even care and to be honest I'm not expecting any responses to this journal. So here goes...
At first you start off alone, wondering how in the world are you ever going to be accepted in this world for the point of view in which you see things. I'm not just speaking of being a furry but naturally being different from the vast majority. But to me, it was the start of quite the lonesome road, where I would look back at myself and wonder what I was actually doing. I've changed and adapted but never really found a home. I knew what I was, what I believed in or didn't. I knew what made me happy or sad but never really took the time to express myself.
The journey at the start was lonely I'll admit, but I did find some people along the way that helped me stay sane, happy, or just plain content with who and what I was. Most of those people had a journey of their own that crossed mine for a little while but eventually their path veered from mine. I either never saw them again or simply lost all connection with them but there were those special few that still travel the same road as I do. Eventually those special few would become something very sacred to me, they would become... Friends.
Now you might say to yourself that, "Well ya everyone has friends." But I would reply by saying no, not everyone has friends, not the same definition of the word. A friend that you can constantly rely on to pick you up when you fall, the nurse you back to health when you've fallen ill, or simply someone that listens when you need to speak. Those types of friends are rare. Those types of friends will simply call you because they want to say hi or just because they'd like to see you even if it's for a single unique minute.
But I now go back to my journey, the road to be traveled. Will I travel alone or will I travel with a pack? My younger self would choose to travel alone but my present self would say a pack. Which to choose? Which would be better for me? Well this choice I have thought about for a long time and the answer might surprise you a bit, it surprised me.
Before I was alone and liked that I had all this time for myself, to do what I wanted, when I wanted. But as I grew I found myself longing for a partner, no... A pack. People I could lose myself in conversation with, people that would be there for me when I needed it. Those special group of people I could call... Friends. Over the years, people fell unto the path I was walking and I took them along for the journey. Eventually I had found myself a pack, a group of friends that I could trust on, be with, talk with, laugh with... It was the good life; never alone.
But before I knew it, the pack had moved on, focused on other things. The path had veered again but this time I was not able to follow, struggling to continue they became further and further away until almost completely out of sight. My running became jogging, my jogging became a fast walk until I started walking at my own pace. I thought to myself, maybe it's just meant to be this way? Maybe I'm not cut out for a pack, maybe this bear must continue down the path best known to him, the lonely path.
So I travel alone, eventually bumping into new people, saying my hello then continuing on. Life is not an obstacle but contains them, it's whether you decide to take those obstacles or simply walk beside them that defines you. For me, I walk alone but I walk strong. I choose to live my life to the fullest even if that means going on alone. Because for me, I'm never quite alone. I'm watched and I'm loved, by those who have past and by those who I love.
At first you start off alone, wondering how in the world are you ever going to be accepted in this world for the point of view in which you see things. I'm not just speaking of being a furry but naturally being different from the vast majority. But to me, it was the start of quite the lonesome road, where I would look back at myself and wonder what I was actually doing. I've changed and adapted but never really found a home. I knew what I was, what I believed in or didn't. I knew what made me happy or sad but never really took the time to express myself.
The journey at the start was lonely I'll admit, but I did find some people along the way that helped me stay sane, happy, or just plain content with who and what I was. Most of those people had a journey of their own that crossed mine for a little while but eventually their path veered from mine. I either never saw them again or simply lost all connection with them but there were those special few that still travel the same road as I do. Eventually those special few would become something very sacred to me, they would become... Friends.
Now you might say to yourself that, "Well ya everyone has friends." But I would reply by saying no, not everyone has friends, not the same definition of the word. A friend that you can constantly rely on to pick you up when you fall, the nurse you back to health when you've fallen ill, or simply someone that listens when you need to speak. Those types of friends are rare. Those types of friends will simply call you because they want to say hi or just because they'd like to see you even if it's for a single unique minute.
But I now go back to my journey, the road to be traveled. Will I travel alone or will I travel with a pack? My younger self would choose to travel alone but my present self would say a pack. Which to choose? Which would be better for me? Well this choice I have thought about for a long time and the answer might surprise you a bit, it surprised me.
Before I was alone and liked that I had all this time for myself, to do what I wanted, when I wanted. But as I grew I found myself longing for a partner, no... A pack. People I could lose myself in conversation with, people that would be there for me when I needed it. Those special group of people I could call... Friends. Over the years, people fell unto the path I was walking and I took them along for the journey. Eventually I had found myself a pack, a group of friends that I could trust on, be with, talk with, laugh with... It was the good life; never alone.
But before I knew it, the pack had moved on, focused on other things. The path had veered again but this time I was not able to follow, struggling to continue they became further and further away until almost completely out of sight. My running became jogging, my jogging became a fast walk until I started walking at my own pace. I thought to myself, maybe it's just meant to be this way? Maybe I'm not cut out for a pack, maybe this bear must continue down the path best known to him, the lonely path.
So I travel alone, eventually bumping into new people, saying my hello then continuing on. Life is not an obstacle but contains them, it's whether you decide to take those obstacles or simply walk beside them that defines you. For me, I walk alone but I walk strong. I choose to live my life to the fullest even if that means going on alone. Because for me, I'm never quite alone. I'm watched and I'm loved, by those who have past and by those who I love.
