For those that have noticed the trend in my own drawings lately .. often moved those into scraps.

Been very depressed since december (and further back over the years actually but tried ignoring it), some days have been better but went deeper as time went.
After scaring one person from one meeting, that lead into talking out to my parents and loads of more meetings and start of one activity too, walking with one dog or two each friday afternoon.

Talked out to one doctor today and back on meds again + some for easier sleep, in one way not to happy over taking pills but if it can help, why not.
Tho I really didn't want to promise for the rest of my life and settled to the next meeting ... I have been really down and started to plan out how to end my life .. I am writing this out since for the moment I don't really care what you guys think .. I actually cared more for my cats incase something would happen since I didn't want them to suffer for neglect .. so my parent is gonna overthink whenever I ask them to watch over them for some days and keep extra contact.

It was either promise until next appointment or stay at hospital, since the doctor didn't really want to let me go.

Sure I had some bumps in my life, some rougher than others but for each time ... I see less how I really can give something back to the society, I got drawing skills but that is it ... and just feel like waste that take up space.

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might delete this journal at some point