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Internet Issues and Snappishness
12 years ago
General
(A note, I'm explaining some frustrations here and going into a topic some might find controversial. Just warning you.)
So, I found out all those problems I've been having are not the fault of Livestream, procaster, or my computer. After talking to tech support with my internet provider they informed me that they were getting a lot of error messages from my modem. So either my modem is bad, or my lines are bad, or both. I think it's the modem, but we'll know when the technician gets here, and he is scheduled to do so on Monday. So hopefully by Monday my connection problems will be fixed finally and there will be no more blinky streams.
This leads me to discuss what some people might see as snappish behavior on my part when people are offering me help. So I am going to try and explain how it is from my perspective.
Imagine walking down the sidewalk and a car drives by, splashing you with mud. There is nothing you can really do about it until you get home, or at least get somewhere that you can clean up and change. Now, imagine if every person that walks past you points at you and helpfully says, “Look! You're covered in mud!” and “You should wash that off!” and “I hope you have clean clothes!” and so on. Meanwhile you are doing everything you can to try and fix a problem you can't fully fix, and it seems like dozens of people are 'helpfully' telling you what you need to do and pointing out the fact that you're covered in mud. I get fifty people a night in my streams, and fifty 'helpful' people gets grating. I know you mean well, I really and truly do, but fifty people pointing out that I am covered in mud just makes me bristle.
Compound this with the fact that for years now I have had to deal with the stigma of being a woman in the tech world. Even if you don't mean it, I get so many “Hey, you should let your husband look at it!” suggestions and insulting remarks stating that the problem is my fault because I was messing with something a woman had no business messing with and it makes every helpful remark feel like I am being judged as incapable of fixing my own problems, because invariably SOMEONE will make a sexist remark, or a 'joke' that's actually a sexist remark, because insulting someone when they're stressed and frazzled is fun, right?
(By the way, I BUILT my computer, that includes installing the motherboard, seating the processor, and plugging and installing everything.)
If you really want to help, just say you hope things get better. Say you're okay with waiting while I try and fix things. I don't need 'help', I need my friends supporting me when I'm stressed and frazzled. I need to not feel like people think I'm a stupid girl who can't fix her computer or diagnose a simple modem problem. (You cannot imagine my relief when the technician said that the problem was damage to the line or the modem itself as I was honestly starting to think that the problem was all my fault.) The Procaster client has a status bar that tells me how long I've been streaming, what my current upload speed is, how much strain is being put on my CPU, and my FPS. I know when I'm down. I know when the anti-lag feature kicks in, I know when it chokes. And I am actually okay with being told, “Oh hey, it's down.” but getting a constant play-by-play “It's up, now it's down, up again, down, still down, up for a moment...” and it starts to get frustrating again.
So if I snap at you when you were honestly just trying to be helpful, I am sorry. But understand that when you try and help me, to me you're one person in a crowd of fifty who feels the need to remind me that I have mud on my face.
So, I found out all those problems I've been having are not the fault of Livestream, procaster, or my computer. After talking to tech support with my internet provider they informed me that they were getting a lot of error messages from my modem. So either my modem is bad, or my lines are bad, or both. I think it's the modem, but we'll know when the technician gets here, and he is scheduled to do so on Monday. So hopefully by Monday my connection problems will be fixed finally and there will be no more blinky streams.
This leads me to discuss what some people might see as snappish behavior on my part when people are offering me help. So I am going to try and explain how it is from my perspective.
Imagine walking down the sidewalk and a car drives by, splashing you with mud. There is nothing you can really do about it until you get home, or at least get somewhere that you can clean up and change. Now, imagine if every person that walks past you points at you and helpfully says, “Look! You're covered in mud!” and “You should wash that off!” and “I hope you have clean clothes!” and so on. Meanwhile you are doing everything you can to try and fix a problem you can't fully fix, and it seems like dozens of people are 'helpfully' telling you what you need to do and pointing out the fact that you're covered in mud. I get fifty people a night in my streams, and fifty 'helpful' people gets grating. I know you mean well, I really and truly do, but fifty people pointing out that I am covered in mud just makes me bristle.
Compound this with the fact that for years now I have had to deal with the stigma of being a woman in the tech world. Even if you don't mean it, I get so many “Hey, you should let your husband look at it!” suggestions and insulting remarks stating that the problem is my fault because I was messing with something a woman had no business messing with and it makes every helpful remark feel like I am being judged as incapable of fixing my own problems, because invariably SOMEONE will make a sexist remark, or a 'joke' that's actually a sexist remark, because insulting someone when they're stressed and frazzled is fun, right?
(By the way, I BUILT my computer, that includes installing the motherboard, seating the processor, and plugging and installing everything.)
If you really want to help, just say you hope things get better. Say you're okay with waiting while I try and fix things. I don't need 'help', I need my friends supporting me when I'm stressed and frazzled. I need to not feel like people think I'm a stupid girl who can't fix her computer or diagnose a simple modem problem. (You cannot imagine my relief when the technician said that the problem was damage to the line or the modem itself as I was honestly starting to think that the problem was all my fault.) The Procaster client has a status bar that tells me how long I've been streaming, what my current upload speed is, how much strain is being put on my CPU, and my FPS. I know when I'm down. I know when the anti-lag feature kicks in, I know when it chokes. And I am actually okay with being told, “Oh hey, it's down.” but getting a constant play-by-play “It's up, now it's down, up again, down, still down, up for a moment...” and it starts to get frustrating again.
So if I snap at you when you were honestly just trying to be helpful, I am sorry. But understand that when you try and help me, to me you're one person in a crowd of fifty who feels the need to remind me that I have mud on my face.
I'm more likely to blame my own computer and modem and occasionally curse flash for crashing for the 100th time when the stream isn't working properly. That being said, I'll watch my words and be very careful in the future. *hugs*
If you ever feel like no one appreciates women in Technology just think of all the wonderful products and programs created by women working in the field *hugs* Sorry you've been so stressed lately Gen. Just wanted to give an example that might brighten your day. (or night as it were)
3 year now... not one fix yet (problems usually occurring after heavy rains or very hot days). Then, of course, there's California's glorious power transmission system; Never expanded or fixed. Today... a 9 hour lack of power.
Thankfully I have a good fridge and freezer, which I kept totally closed.
As for the gender issues, which always seem to flair up from ignorant morons all I can say is "Give'm HELL!"
I know I did say some *it's up, it's off* things yesterday and I realize it wasn't very thoughtful of me, for that I apologize.
hug?
Next time that happens I should lend you...
... my sister. *nods*
She tends to be a bit opinionated about when people talk about "stuff women shouldn't do" ontop of very much being the example that in this regard one shouldn't judge folks by gender(because generally she'll be very much happy to tell them her viewpoints in this regard. ... she might have been sent at the principal once because a boy wouldn't stop annoying her and she decided to retaliate.)
Then again, I guess it might be a family thing for when a boy had his ass handed to him by my mother for picking on her brother when they were younger.... when that same boy returned with his father to complain about being "beaten" by my mother's brother.... my grandfather was very much happy to correct him on who did the beat and warned him that he would be very muchy happy to sic my mother on him should he mess with her brother again :P
(... there's also the anecdote, back again from their teenage years, where a kid was messing with my deaf(at the time, having not implants then) aunt's hairs with a hockey stick when they were riding in the bus, and my mother decide to pick said stick and break it on her knee in retaliation. This apparently got her a stern talk with the bus driver but wouldn't have prevented her from acting her the same even if she had to do it again).
O.O
Seriously????
Is this 2013 or 1913?
Now the topic with being a woman in a tech world and saying you don't belong in it because of your gender is really dumb and sexist. Don't listen them. I.T or Information Technology is a growing field and I see that more women are joining it and I gladly welcome it. Maybe its because of my young age (somewhat young) but I don't understand how people can judge base on gender. I like that you know your way around computers. Hell, You even gave me advice and the idea to set up more monitors for my computer.(Thank you very much ^^) So don't listen to them, anyone has the right to be involved in tech world. Keep on going!
I prefer the tech world with more minds, we can create much more with it! :D
*hugs to ya*
TM
I'm not trying to justify it at all, but I wonder if the sexist insults are intentional or just based on the ignorance of not knowing you well enough to realize that you're that rare of a gem.
Of course, I can't stand condescending bastards much either...