Well, just got done watching Wreck it Ralph, Really cute movie. One of my new favorites from Disney.

But i sit here back on my computer after watching all of it... talking to a few friends... hearing about how great their other half is... just makes me feel even lonelier than i have been lately.. which has been pretty lonely... -sighs- idk... maybe I'm just not supposed to be with anyone like that. always the best man, never the groom sort of eh?... i don't wanna sound like I'm just whining "Oh woe is me i'm SOOO lonely! i want a girlfriend! Wahhhh!".... that's not it... I have friends.. and that comes first and foremost. But the fact is.. friends have their own lives to live. they get married, have kids, move away, ect... And i just feel kinda left behind.

For those of you who don't know.. I'm Disabled, in a wheelchair. I was born with a Brittle bone disease. and I'm about 3 feet tall. not that i mind any of that. ive dealt with tons of broken bones not to mention plenty of operations, bodycasts and hospital down times as a kid. and i came out okay more or less. i was fine. a happy kid. i have a great family *while a bit overbearing and strict* but a great loving family none the less.

But now.. just turning 21. I just feel kinda.. alone.. and empty... and while i REALLY hate to admit it... I'm a little envious of my friends who are married and have moved on or moved away to something great. and I'm not that kind of person. i don't like to envy. I just wish.. i had that kind of companion.. a really awesome, special, close friend i could be happy with. be myself around and they could do the same in front of me. some one to.. share all of this affection i have with.. instead of having to keep it all bottled up... Just kinda sucks right now... no cash, house is falling apart and nothing can be done about it.. Living on disability, being so confined to home because we don't have the cash to go anywhere (gas mostly being the reason for that) and the fact i live in the friggin' middle of nowhere Alabama... Cant get a job no matter how badly i want to work, I cant drive because i cant put together a vehicle i can drive (hand controls needed) so here i am.. stuck at my desk. and i hate it. don't get me wrong I love my computer. but what i wouldn't give to just be able to feel like i could live my own life.. get out there.. and maybe i wouldn't feel like this. lonely and depressed....

Sorry for the ranting guys... I just need to blow off some steam and i don't really know what else to do. didn't mean to sound all whiny and what-not...