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Venting. I don't recommend reading :/
12 years ago
I don't expect a response to this. I don't expect - or maybe even want - pity. I just need a place to vent that isn't surrounded by everyone I love who won't get what I have to say.
I have a crippling, crippling self-esteem problem. I don't know what I can do to fix it. I'm doing so much, both internally and externally, to support myself and others, and people around me (and online) seem to like me, yet I've been grappling with this for years. Doctors say it's not depression, and I hope to god they're right, but it doesn't make it easier to actually live with it.
And now, as my second degree comes to an end, and the third is looming on the horizon (aka September), I find... I can't write my major paper. I just can't. Because of this self doubt.
Do I know enough? Can I even write d own what I know? What's too prosaic versus what's academically acceptable? I feel I'm jumping for a bar that's perpetually too high to reach. They say that the best paper written is the paper that's done, but what if I'm eternally chasing the perfect paper?
This fear is terrifying, and quite honestly, writing it down here is helpful. Again. I don't expect a response, I just needed to get all of my fears, or a quick summary of them, out in written form.
Woof.
I have a crippling, crippling self-esteem problem. I don't know what I can do to fix it. I'm doing so much, both internally and externally, to support myself and others, and people around me (and online) seem to like me, yet I've been grappling with this for years. Doctors say it's not depression, and I hope to god they're right, but it doesn't make it easier to actually live with it.
And now, as my second degree comes to an end, and the third is looming on the horizon (aka September), I find... I can't write my major paper. I just can't. Because of this self doubt.
Do I know enough? Can I even write d own what I know? What's too prosaic versus what's academically acceptable? I feel I'm jumping for a bar that's perpetually too high to reach. They say that the best paper written is the paper that's done, but what if I'm eternally chasing the perfect paper?
This fear is terrifying, and quite honestly, writing it down here is helpful. Again. I don't expect a response, I just needed to get all of my fears, or a quick summary of them, out in written form.
Woof.
i know life isn't always easy and it will really suck at times but we're young and if we make mistakes even big ones, we'll be able to get to where we want to be in life.
and its a lot easier with family friends and loved ones :)
It's just hard because I feel that at my age (ripe old age of 23) I have to be... self-reliant, almost? Even though I'm technically living at home, I should be... moving on, moving up, etc. So... it's hard.
But thank you for the support. Really.