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The Vasectomy Debate, Plus Commission Update
12 years ago
SO as was stated and explained in This Journal
juindalo and I are coming to an interesting point in our lives as a couple.
I fought like a Son of a Bitch to get my IUD even GIVEN to me and put in when I was 20-21.
I finally went through every since Doctor in an OBGYN Practice as well as basically did something dangerous to prevent pregnancy that finally made them understand I was fucking serious about this.
I Literally went and bought a cervical cap online. Which as most women know you MUST be fitted and measured for. Period. Well I got it stuck and had to go to the Dr to have it removed, it was embarrassing as HELL, but also showed them I was fucking serious.
I could have damaged my cervix, or gotten a really severe pelvic infection or god knows what else with that online purchase. SO I was lucky. I have been lucky too often in my sexual life time.
I am always safe and always use precautions and as much Birth control as is necessary to prevent pregnancy. As the other journal stated, I am actually Phobic and yes it is a real phobia. Aside from that With all the medical shit I have to deal with, medication I take, and the fact that 90% of my issues ARE genetic, I wouldn't wish my medical life on my worst enemy.
That being said, I had planned on Having a Tubal Ligation, and until recently when the Fucking IUD I fought so hard for moved, that was still the plan.
I have since been told that is NOT an option. Period.
SO as my pain increases as does my paranoia, Juin has kindly offered to get a Vasectomy.
He and I have talked about this for a couple of years now, in that I have had enough surgeries and medical shit, he has no problem taking this proverbial bullet so to speak.
We are engaged to be married, we have been in a relationship for 4 years next month, and will be celebrating 3 years being engaged on Christmas if we aren't married by then (Yes we had a ceremony last year for like a hand-fasting at the beach on October 21st, so we consider ourselves already married, but we are not legally married)
Anyway, here we come to the conundrum.
Juin is getting some SERIOUS Flack for wanting a Vasectomy.
My mother is pushing to get the tubal ligation even though it is dangerous as hell and the Dr already said no, and I fucking BEGGED.
He has spoken to my step father who has had a vasectomy and is basically the only one who agrees with this decision.
Juin spoke to His Father today, and he had to go through the whole gambit of "Maybe you'll change your mind, you're still young, you don't know what you want blah blah blah" The same Bullshit I went through at 21.
Now mind you I can See this happening to a 21 year old. Male OR female, cause yes you ARE young, and even though it has ALWAYS been set in my mind, no one believes a 21 year old about shit.
I am now 28, Juin is 26, we are approaching our 30's (admittedly I'll get there before he does, but still) We are monogamous, we are engaged to be married, neither of us wants children, I am a medical nightmare in that even my Drs are like "Oh hell no" at the thought of me having kids..ALL of them, and I have a LOT of Drs.
So why the stigma?
Why are so many people reacting in such an odd way to his decision?
I mean I studied sexual sociology in college and I know the whole gender role thing. And I know that it is a sort of thing to say that guys lose their virility after a vasectomy. But there is no medical basis for that.
Hell My Step Father said that after the vasectomy was when he really started to enjoy sex MORE because he knew he was 100% safe, or as close as it got (yes eww, but still relevant)
So I ask you my friends and watchers, what do you think?
Social stigma?
Gender Roles?
Age?
If someone came to you with these stated reasons and said they were getting a vasectomy, how would you react and why?
Side note, I have been slowly but surely moving in with Juin, and by the end of the week my computer WILL be set up here, which means I can get back to art FINALLY.
I am so happy that I can finally have the space and peace to do so. I am excited to share my new ideas with you all, post these old commissions which I have spent a LOT of time on adding new things as a learn new techniques etc. And Juin and I have a special Surprise waiting for you all which will be posted next week that will be LOTS of fun!
Hey if we can't have sex for a while, then I guess Drawing it is the next best thing right!
juindalo and I are coming to an interesting point in our lives as a couple. I fought like a Son of a Bitch to get my IUD even GIVEN to me and put in when I was 20-21.
I finally went through every since Doctor in an OBGYN Practice as well as basically did something dangerous to prevent pregnancy that finally made them understand I was fucking serious about this.
I Literally went and bought a cervical cap online. Which as most women know you MUST be fitted and measured for. Period. Well I got it stuck and had to go to the Dr to have it removed, it was embarrassing as HELL, but also showed them I was fucking serious.
I could have damaged my cervix, or gotten a really severe pelvic infection or god knows what else with that online purchase. SO I was lucky. I have been lucky too often in my sexual life time.
I am always safe and always use precautions and as much Birth control as is necessary to prevent pregnancy. As the other journal stated, I am actually Phobic and yes it is a real phobia. Aside from that With all the medical shit I have to deal with, medication I take, and the fact that 90% of my issues ARE genetic, I wouldn't wish my medical life on my worst enemy.
That being said, I had planned on Having a Tubal Ligation, and until recently when the Fucking IUD I fought so hard for moved, that was still the plan.
I have since been told that is NOT an option. Period.
SO as my pain increases as does my paranoia, Juin has kindly offered to get a Vasectomy.
He and I have talked about this for a couple of years now, in that I have had enough surgeries and medical shit, he has no problem taking this proverbial bullet so to speak.
We are engaged to be married, we have been in a relationship for 4 years next month, and will be celebrating 3 years being engaged on Christmas if we aren't married by then (Yes we had a ceremony last year for like a hand-fasting at the beach on October 21st, so we consider ourselves already married, but we are not legally married)
Anyway, here we come to the conundrum.
Juin is getting some SERIOUS Flack for wanting a Vasectomy.
My mother is pushing to get the tubal ligation even though it is dangerous as hell and the Dr already said no, and I fucking BEGGED.
He has spoken to my step father who has had a vasectomy and is basically the only one who agrees with this decision.
Juin spoke to His Father today, and he had to go through the whole gambit of "Maybe you'll change your mind, you're still young, you don't know what you want blah blah blah" The same Bullshit I went through at 21.
Now mind you I can See this happening to a 21 year old. Male OR female, cause yes you ARE young, and even though it has ALWAYS been set in my mind, no one believes a 21 year old about shit.
I am now 28, Juin is 26, we are approaching our 30's (admittedly I'll get there before he does, but still) We are monogamous, we are engaged to be married, neither of us wants children, I am a medical nightmare in that even my Drs are like "Oh hell no" at the thought of me having kids..ALL of them, and I have a LOT of Drs.
So why the stigma?
Why are so many people reacting in such an odd way to his decision?
I mean I studied sexual sociology in college and I know the whole gender role thing. And I know that it is a sort of thing to say that guys lose their virility after a vasectomy. But there is no medical basis for that.
Hell My Step Father said that after the vasectomy was when he really started to enjoy sex MORE because he knew he was 100% safe, or as close as it got (yes eww, but still relevant)
So I ask you my friends and watchers, what do you think?
Social stigma?
Gender Roles?
Age?
If someone came to you with these stated reasons and said they were getting a vasectomy, how would you react and why?
Side note, I have been slowly but surely moving in with Juin, and by the end of the week my computer WILL be set up here, which means I can get back to art FINALLY.
I am so happy that I can finally have the space and peace to do so. I am excited to share my new ideas with you all, post these old commissions which I have spent a LOT of time on adding new things as a learn new techniques etc. And Juin and I have a special Surprise waiting for you all which will be posted next week that will be LOTS of fun!
Hey if we can't have sex for a while, then I guess Drawing it is the next best thing right!
Theres so many options if you decide you want kids, a vasectomy isnt the do all and end all!
People have such a knee jerk reaction to these things.
I think its his choice first, if hes happy with it, and you're happy with it, why not?
Just make sure he has some frozen, just in case.
It's like my mom in particular who would rather me try and push my Dr, or just in general after my Dr has said the tubal Ligation is dangerous for me at this point would want me to go through that!?
Part of me thinks, that not just her, but others are thinking I am pushing Juin into this. That I am MAKING him do this, like A)He doesn't have a mind of his own, or B) that no man would voluntarily have this procedure done.
That is where the question of sociological gender roles and taboos come into play ya know?
And we have talked about perhaps one day later in life adopting a child.
My genetics are a dicey thing and there are SO many older children in this world that need homes. Not jsut in other countries, but here in America.
We are definitely keen on the idea of when we are much older and secure in our lives perhaps adopting a teenager or a child that would otherwise not have a family of their own because they aren't a cute baby.
Personally I could do without all the baby stuff.
And if we DID decide to engender a biological child, we would have to get a surrogate because of my phobia.
But yeah I think it;s standard practice to offer to have some sperm frozen for the future.
Thanks for your input, it means a lot :)
I dont think its fair how it seems to be okay if you do it and put yourself at risk than if he does its and is done in a lunchtime basically!
But in the end, just do what is right for you pair as a couple. Its not his parents or your parents genetials! I know they probably mean well, but it just means if you do decide to have kids then they're 100% planned!
Plus if you were both happy to adopt when the time was right, you'd be making a huge difference to a little life! And if you decide to go surrogate, then that kid is definitely not an accident!
I agree with you guys, parents aren't there to get a say in what goes on in either of your special places D:
You know how it is with parents, we always want their approval and such.
But we are adults, and we know what we do and Don't want. And Juin is being so sweet and kind about all this. I am freaking about having the IUD taken out and the damage that alone will cause, but he is being brave for me and about getting the procedure done.
I don't know if it violates any site rules, but there is a teaching video on youtube, 100% uncensored that goes through the entire procedure from start to finish so you can really see how easy it is.
It's actually kind of interesting how they do it. And I as a medical buff (need to be with my issues) I ALWAYS watch whatever surgery I am getting before I get it done.
Anyway, thanks again.
We are going to be doing a fund raiser here soon for paying for this and we need at least 1 "test" piece a piece, I'll note you.
But even then humans work differently! Don't let your mum pressure you into something with high risks! I can't stress that you guys need to do what is best for you both, and nobody else! :3 xx
I'm better at sketches haha D:
Juin and I have this book we just bought of like 297 sex positions, and we are going to offer like the old school wing its. You pick a number between like 1-5 for laying down type positions, 200-205 for oral sex etc (the book is divided into sub categories) and we will take the characters and put them in the pose. And since the book does NOT show genitalia (just breasts) We can modify it from the original pic. It;s really just a pose ref, who goes where.
But it should be fun! Like a grab bag ya know? You don;t know what position you'll end up in!
And at Juin's suggestions we will do a mystery character section as well. For those single Furs that wanna get a little strange.
We will draw their character and one of our own creation.
And don;t worry, we are not letting ANYONE stop us form doing what needs to be done with the Vasectomy.
We talked with my mom more yesterday and joked around a bit so she is being more calm about it..I think.
She has been weird lately anyway.
But yes there IS a stigma that it makes the guy less of a man. And you are absolutely right with people wanting to keep their pets intact for the same reasons. Even though it is REALLY unhealthy for them to be going through their reproductive cycles unless they are being studded or Bread. My Aunt and Uncle wanted to try and breed their Italian Greyhound, and they like just last year FINALLY got him neutered, and you know? he doesn't look like a bag of sticks anymore, and he is happier and MUCH more relaxed then when he was intact.
We have a Bengal Cat, and he was fixed when we got him as a kitten, part of a catch a release program, but I couldn't IMAGINE having him still intact. He can be a little snot as it IS. But for a breed of cat like that to be intact? Good lord...I don't even want to think about that!
Now to earn the Money LOL! This shit is expensive!
My step-father mentioned that the reason (aside from him already having 4 kids) that he didn't freeze his was that it is like renting a very expensive storage unit. I need to research that more honestly.
We actually WATCHED the procedure. Juin found the video on his own, he did the research, talked with my Step-Father etc.
It really upsets me that my Step-Dad can support us but yet my OWN MOTHER would subject me to ANOTHER surgery, and for what!?My Dr was the one who strongly suggested the vasectomy when he was doing the ultrasound and found the IUD had moved. He said it was WAY safer, quicker and less risky to the patient. That was his #1 suggestion!
And I have a MALE OGBYN. He knows the Urologists, and the success rates etc. He was very helpful when we first had to think about this seriously.
Other people have said this and that, but when my medical history and genetics come into play they STFU....
Except my mom...*sigh*
But thank you again for the information. I was wondering if there was a gener Bias at play here, even now in a more enlightened time...so to speak...
If everything is completely settled and agreed on between the two of you, then everyone else can just butt the hell out. It's really nobody else's business, ya know? Oh, and don't forget that it takes a few days to be completely sure it's safe, etc. Although most guys I know of, have NO interest in anything until the healing is pretty much done.
Libido affected though? Not in the least, trust me.
For me, I CANNOT carry a child inside me. If I were to find out I was pregnant, I would cause myself bodily harm, and probably never want intercourse again from the terror of re-living my worst nightmare.
Genetics aside, medical issues aside, money etc, all that, Biggest point for me honestly is that the phobia of pregnancy I have is so strong, that I know and my Drs even know without a shadow of a doubt if I were to find out I was pregnant, I would end up harming myself.
It scares me to think about that whole fear that blacks you out and you jsut know that something REALLY bad will happen.
Juin is happy with his life, and he has personal reasons of his own for not wanting children. But we both decided in the beginning of our relationship, that if the urge arose, and baby sitting our cousins, nieces and nephews didn't cure the urge, that we would adopt, and adopt an american child that is older. One that could REALLY use a home.
Thank you for the input, I greatly appreciate it. And yes, the procedure we watched performed said 6 weeks to get all remaining swimmers out of the various tubes and ducts etc.
We were going to TRY and arrange to get the Vasectomy and the IUD removal done around the same time so we would both not want anything to do with each other LOL
Just passing the ice pack back and forth. But it seems I may have to have it taken out before we have gotten enough money for his procedure. :/ oh well...
Guess we'll have some super awesomely spectacular sex once this is all said and done LOL!
Trust me, I have my own set of phobias to deal with, so I can completely. I guess the biggest difference though, is mine are virtually unavoidable if I want to live a normal life in any sense. I literally cannot travel by any means but on foot without experiencing high levels of anxiety and outright panic. Doesn't matter how, even riding a bicycle makes me anxious. I was diagnosed as agoraphobic several years ago, and I've learned I have to fight every day to keep from walling myself off from the whole world out of fear. And I can understand fear of pregnancy because, hell, that's a Big Thing even when you're okay with the idea, and if you aren't... There is something NOT YOU inside your body. In any other circumstance, people would be sympathetic and understanding, if not freaked out by the thought themselves! Just because it's a physiologically normal process doesn't make it less of an issue when you're phobic.
There's just way too much cultural baggage tied up in male virility. Some of it's a holdover from the times when 'spread your seed as far as you can before you die' was a genetic imperative for survival of the species, which obviously isn't the case anymore. But far too much is the equation of a man's worth with the size and/or function of his d**k. Which is utter bull.
I salute Juin for volunteering. Really, it seems like the only rational option. Heck, I would have had one years ago if I could have afforded it. And yes, I know it's easy to say that when it's a remote possibility, but I believe I would still go through with it.
Here's hoping that things work out smoothly (for once).