Okay, lets just get it out here first and foremost that I am asexual.
Now, let me also remind everyone that asexual does not always mean aromantic, that for me it just means that I do not want to have sex with anyone.

You with me so far? Great.

Now to the heart of the matter: I'm feeling conflicted about the dating scene. I'm by no means an attractive person. I'm overweight, I really don't care about putting much into my personal appearance aside from making sure I'm clean and my clothes are clean. Hell, I the most I ever do to my hair is brush it and put it up. I'm very utilitarian.

I have also never been in a relationship or been kissed in a way that isn't familial. Never really had the desire to even be in a relationship with anyone up until this point, actually. Which is why I'm conflicted. I'm so used to being single, to not having to rely on anyone else for my happiness or sexual satisfaction. I've seen how damaging relationships have been for my siblings, and it scared me off them for well over the past ten years. And yet now I find myself wanting to have someone to, as cheesy and it sounds, kiss and cuddle and just be close to with respect to that fact that I don't want to have sex. Kissing is fine. I don't see it to be sexual if it isn't made to be. It's intimate, it's comfort and joy and affirmation that the other person cares about you. And yet I don't think anyone would ever want to deal with someone who's Ace and doesn't want sex out of a relationship (and did I mention that I'm rather plain and ugly? I did? Well, I say it here again, then).

So, I'm stuck in the mud here. I'm afraid of the consequences of a relationship, and the expectations other people have, and yet I find myself starting to want one. Somehow it feels like I'm just expecting too much in exchange for so little.