Today was my follow-up visit with the eye surgeon to make sure everything turned out okeydokey after my surgery last month. Which meant waking up way-too-early and being a sleep deprived zombie as I blindly waited with a dozen white-haired old people (I'm apparently the only person my age who has these types of vision problems =/ ) for the doctor to show up (late again) and shine bright fucking lights into my lemur eyes. Not a fun time. However, everything checked out okay. I have another checkup in six months, and then it's once a year for the rest of my fucking life.

I came home, changed back into my pajamas, and laid in bed. I'd only gotten like... 3 hours sleep last night and I was off today so I immediately turned into a lump. XD I texted my wife for a while until I fell back asleep. I was telling her about the newest reasons why my love life is a disaster and how I think I'm just not destined for a happy ending when she told me things will get better and good men are just hard to find. I said I'm just not... the good ones don't want me. To which she replied, "Then I'll just have to believe enough for the both of us." I said, "I think you'll have to, because my belief is gone." ...Which immediately triggered a song getting stuck in my head, Looking Glass by Birthday Massacre. Cue me listening to that song on repeat until I fell asleep. Some of the lyrics fit my mood so well today:

Tell me what I want to say. Save me for another day. Break me- it's the game you play. Hate me as I turn away. A boyish notion of false emotion. These words are spoken, despite my love. A fool's devotion was set in motion. My eyes are open now. It's a glass cage, so I can't pretend. You hide beneath the physical. I see it coming, but I can't defend. You cut so deep, my belief is gone. My belief is gone.

I had horridly fucked up dreams while I slept, and I slept fitfully. Of course, I saw his face... When I at last awoke, it was after 5pm. The light streaming through my window was the grey with dusk and I felt so very alone. I turned my phone back on and stumbled out into the kitchen. The house was empty, as I knew it would be (my parents went to a concert) but they left me a buffalo chicken pizza, as they promised they would. It was cold... deliciously so. As I sat in the living room and ate I decided I have finally made the transition to vampire- up until dawn and sleeping until dusk. I need to find a night job because my body seems to operate best then.

Anyways. At some point I started crying again, so I messaged Chris to see if he and Delbro were up for hanging out, maybe for some drinking, because being alone was just not healthy and I miss the guys. Chris wanted to...? And said we should both text Delbro, but then they both vanished. =/ I made Chris the mix cd of my favorite pagan/medieval folk music he's been asking for, just in case. I saved the cd's playlist to my iPod and gave it a listen to see if I thought it was a good enough mix and wound up spending the next hour or so lost in the music. It was at this point in the day that things started to turn around for me... Good music /always/ helps. It got too hot in my house so I went outside. It snowed for the first time this season, so I admired the snow-covered everything and the way it all sparkled under the moon, while singing songs to the moon goddess. I wound up back inside before too long but ten minutes later I was back outside. At this point, the Celtic songs on the playlist were playing... and us Celts are VERY good at making toe-tapping music. So I said 'Fuck it' and danced in the snow. XD I'm sure if my neighbors saw they think I'm absolutely crazy... oh well. XD I danced until I was numb and exhausted and then I dragged my ass back inside. I feel refreshed after doing such a silly thing, and though I'm back to listening to songs about heartbreak and dwelling on that whole dealio, I'm doing so with a lot more detachment. Funny how music can express my feelings...