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Devil with a Black Dress On.
12 years ago
General
I really should be sleeping because I have to actually wake up tomorrow, but my sleep schedule's so fucked anymore that I'm not even tired.
I had a quiet day- off, spent it being way too lazy. After Thursday's disastrous attempt to hang out/our first fight, (long story, not worth getting into, basically Verizon sucks) the guys invited me to hang... so everything's officially patched up. We were gonna have a bonfire at Delbro's house but that was a bust, so it was back to our usual hangout spot. I actually dressed up to see them tonight- dress, stockings, boots, eyeliner, the whole deal- for... well, no good reason at all, actually. It's not like I have to impress them... we're bros. I was just in a girly mood and decided to play it up. It was pretty entertaining to see their reactions though... literally, I got a shocked, "Whoa." XD They're so used to seeing me in camo pants and cut up guy shirts. It made playing kung fu a bit awkward though, since the wind was blowing and kept threatening to make me pull a Marilyn Monroe. The first half of the night was spent trying to find people to come to the bonfire as well as me playing wingman and trying to set them up with chicks. Once we gave that up, it was our usual night of cigarettes, energy drinks, making fun of each other, kung fu, frisbee, bad jokes, setting things on fire, punk and ska. At one point, three fawns came out of the woods maybe 40 yards from us and grazed before Chris scared them off. Another, Delbro got ahold of my "knuckledusters" -my brass knucks- and spent a good 20 minutes throwing punches with them and pretending to beat the shit out of Chris with them. Oh, and they made plans to jump a local, identified Nazi and beat the shit out of him, and invited me to partake. XD Other than that... it was such a normal, chill night (for us at least) that it wasn't overly noteworthy. I'm starting to relax more and be less shy though. I'm starting to feel like I belong though.
Maybe it's because I'm so "one of the guys" with them, but by the time I got home I felt more like a dude in a dress trying to pass himself off rather than a girl showing off her feminine side. -_- I had a bagel, tea, and watched Kenan & Kel reruns. I also realised that my tiny butterfly wing jar is missing from my shadowbox. D= It was small, delicate, and contained a fragment of blue butterfly wing I'd found last year on a nature exploit. Prolly sounds weird but there's a melancholic sort of beauty about it. The butterfly was probably victim to a bird... they often leave behind torn fragments such as that. The colors & patterns of the wing were so gorgeous though I wanted to preserve them forever, so I did. =/ I want my jar back...
In other news, the full moon's tomorrow (yay) and I have plans to celebrate/participate in ritual... once my parents are asleep of course. Being so broom-closeted gets frustrating... I actually started keeping a journal of my craft-working and divination exploits around Samhain. It's worded super plainly & is more of a log than a journal, but... it's helping me notice patterns in effectiveness and also recurring omens/signs from divination. I've also started trying to get back into meditation... I don't know if it was the Witches' Ball or what, but I've been inspired to take the craft more seriously and really hone my skills as a witch rather than be a dabbler.
...Wow. I just journaled about a journal I have. X___x
I've been wanting to write poetry lately but I'm in another creative block. -.- The words... I can almost touch them, but they slip away just before I get them in my grasp. So to keep myself writing, here I am journaling (and journaling about journaling.)
Earlier, before I was invited to hang with the bros, I found myself thinking about them and how their friendship's affected me. It made me realise just how far away childhood's slipped. We often talk about life and pick apart the universe. But we're all broken people. Different degrees of broken, but broken. Or at least... world weary. I dunno Delbro's story, he doesn't open up much, but he just gives off that "tough guy front to keep from getting hurt again" vibe. (But then, he's a Cancer, and they all tend to do that, haha.) He seems almost... bitter, at times. Chris has a past that's a bigger wreck than mine. And then there's me, the walking trainwreck. It's not even that we mope about life being unfair or any shit like that. There's just... a /realness/ to our conversations. The innocence of childhood is long gone for us. I actually keep thinking I would like to write a story with characters based off of us, but that takes me back to my current creative block.
Side note, I hung out with an ex-mate (some of you will remember him from my first AC ever) last weekend. We seem to have run out of things to say to each other. It wasn't a bad time, we had fun and all, but there was... idk. A sense that even the friendship feelings have died now. Or something. I dunno. It was weird, because we both know so much about each other but at the same time it was like hanging out with a stranger... albeit one that knows all your habits and preferences. Usually his resurfacing in my life means an impending disaster/crisis (I swear he's my bad luck charm) but there hasn't been anything bad... Maybe I've just run out of things to lose.
Urgh. If I don't pull myself away from my phone and meditate soon I'm never gonna get enough sleep to run on tomorrow. Goodnight, darlings.
-Lani/Dazz
I had a quiet day- off, spent it being way too lazy. After Thursday's disastrous attempt to hang out/our first fight, (long story, not worth getting into, basically Verizon sucks) the guys invited me to hang... so everything's officially patched up. We were gonna have a bonfire at Delbro's house but that was a bust, so it was back to our usual hangout spot. I actually dressed up to see them tonight- dress, stockings, boots, eyeliner, the whole deal- for... well, no good reason at all, actually. It's not like I have to impress them... we're bros. I was just in a girly mood and decided to play it up. It was pretty entertaining to see their reactions though... literally, I got a shocked, "Whoa." XD They're so used to seeing me in camo pants and cut up guy shirts. It made playing kung fu a bit awkward though, since the wind was blowing and kept threatening to make me pull a Marilyn Monroe. The first half of the night was spent trying to find people to come to the bonfire as well as me playing wingman and trying to set them up with chicks. Once we gave that up, it was our usual night of cigarettes, energy drinks, making fun of each other, kung fu, frisbee, bad jokes, setting things on fire, punk and ska. At one point, three fawns came out of the woods maybe 40 yards from us and grazed before Chris scared them off. Another, Delbro got ahold of my "knuckledusters" -my brass knucks- and spent a good 20 minutes throwing punches with them and pretending to beat the shit out of Chris with them. Oh, and they made plans to jump a local, identified Nazi and beat the shit out of him, and invited me to partake. XD Other than that... it was such a normal, chill night (for us at least) that it wasn't overly noteworthy. I'm starting to relax more and be less shy though. I'm starting to feel like I belong though.
Maybe it's because I'm so "one of the guys" with them, but by the time I got home I felt more like a dude in a dress trying to pass himself off rather than a girl showing off her feminine side. -_- I had a bagel, tea, and watched Kenan & Kel reruns. I also realised that my tiny butterfly wing jar is missing from my shadowbox. D= It was small, delicate, and contained a fragment of blue butterfly wing I'd found last year on a nature exploit. Prolly sounds weird but there's a melancholic sort of beauty about it. The butterfly was probably victim to a bird... they often leave behind torn fragments such as that. The colors & patterns of the wing were so gorgeous though I wanted to preserve them forever, so I did. =/ I want my jar back...
In other news, the full moon's tomorrow (yay) and I have plans to celebrate/participate in ritual... once my parents are asleep of course. Being so broom-closeted gets frustrating... I actually started keeping a journal of my craft-working and divination exploits around Samhain. It's worded super plainly & is more of a log than a journal, but... it's helping me notice patterns in effectiveness and also recurring omens/signs from divination. I've also started trying to get back into meditation... I don't know if it was the Witches' Ball or what, but I've been inspired to take the craft more seriously and really hone my skills as a witch rather than be a dabbler.
...Wow. I just journaled about a journal I have. X___x
I've been wanting to write poetry lately but I'm in another creative block. -.- The words... I can almost touch them, but they slip away just before I get them in my grasp. So to keep myself writing, here I am journaling (and journaling about journaling.)
Earlier, before I was invited to hang with the bros, I found myself thinking about them and how their friendship's affected me. It made me realise just how far away childhood's slipped. We often talk about life and pick apart the universe. But we're all broken people. Different degrees of broken, but broken. Or at least... world weary. I dunno Delbro's story, he doesn't open up much, but he just gives off that "tough guy front to keep from getting hurt again" vibe. (But then, he's a Cancer, and they all tend to do that, haha.) He seems almost... bitter, at times. Chris has a past that's a bigger wreck than mine. And then there's me, the walking trainwreck. It's not even that we mope about life being unfair or any shit like that. There's just... a /realness/ to our conversations. The innocence of childhood is long gone for us. I actually keep thinking I would like to write a story with characters based off of us, but that takes me back to my current creative block.
Side note, I hung out with an ex-mate (some of you will remember him from my first AC ever) last weekend. We seem to have run out of things to say to each other. It wasn't a bad time, we had fun and all, but there was... idk. A sense that even the friendship feelings have died now. Or something. I dunno. It was weird, because we both know so much about each other but at the same time it was like hanging out with a stranger... albeit one that knows all your habits and preferences. Usually his resurfacing in my life means an impending disaster/crisis (I swear he's my bad luck charm) but there hasn't been anything bad... Maybe I've just run out of things to lose.
Urgh. If I don't pull myself away from my phone and meditate soon I'm never gonna get enough sleep to run on tomorrow. Goodnight, darlings.
-Lani/Dazz
*noses carefully*