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emergency emotional support needed.....
12 years ago
okay i am going to level with y'all. i am a wreck right now.
i am relapsing. i started cutting again. im struggling with my eating disorder again. im having gender identity issues. i am VERY depressed, and very anxious. i have been missing school again. my grades are slipping. i have plans to kill myself as soon as my family stops depending on me so much...
and im just barely hanging in enough that i am scared of myself....
i don't even know what to do with myself.
and on top of it all, i lost one of my best friends, and i hella miss him, even though he didn't treat me the best. and he used to be one of the few people that could make me sane again.
and all the other ppl in my life are all "hes a jerk you dont need him" and i just miss him so much. so, so much. despite everything he put me through, and all the tears i shed....
and im hysterical and rambling and im sorry.
i just feel like ive run out of options and im just reaching out in any way possible for help....
i am relapsing. i started cutting again. im struggling with my eating disorder again. im having gender identity issues. i am VERY depressed, and very anxious. i have been missing school again. my grades are slipping. i have plans to kill myself as soon as my family stops depending on me so much...
and im just barely hanging in enough that i am scared of myself....
i don't even know what to do with myself.
and on top of it all, i lost one of my best friends, and i hella miss him, even though he didn't treat me the best. and he used to be one of the few people that could make me sane again.
and all the other ppl in my life are all "hes a jerk you dont need him" and i just miss him so much. so, so much. despite everything he put me through, and all the tears i shed....
and im hysterical and rambling and im sorry.
i just feel like ive run out of options and im just reaching out in any way possible for help....
I too had a friend who could make me sane and that I really liked. She never treated me very well. She almost never responded to voicemails, email, you name it. I felt constantly ignored. Nevertheless, it broke my heart when she moved away. (Even now, references to her will sometimes sneak into my poetry.) I’ll not forget her, but she is part of my past now.
Life isn’t always the shits. We just tend to focus on the shitty parts more than the good parts.
Killing yourself wouldn’t do a damned thing. (I’ve almost taken that path a few times.) It’d just leave a Goo-shaped hole in the world, a sort of sucking wound in the universe. If you need one good reason to live, just one reason, you must live for yourself. If you feel no one cares, remember that at the very least you should care about yourself.
In the same way, live for what you love. Let a passion or passions be your drive. Music. Your favorite TV show. A gorgeous day. A person or people worth knowing.
You’re a damned amazing person! For goodness sake, your fursona is a yellow-footed rock wallaby/deer/angel! That just shows how epic you are.
You’re young. You’ve got plenty of time. Your sun is still rising! Give yourself time to enjoy the day.
Now go build a blanket fort and watch Doctor Who.