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Love/Sex Rant
12 years ago
As much as I love sex, I really hate it. I hate that I love it. I hate that it's made out to be a necessity. I hate that people feel the need to act on every temptation, whether it means ruining something wonderful in their lives.
I hate masturbation. I hate that I'm addicted to it. I feel the need to always feed in to it, even though I almost always feel worse after I'm done. This brings me to my hatred for porn. I hate porn because it's just watching people fuck. It does not stimulate my mind whatsoever, for it only stimulates my primal instincts, which is not enough to get me off. Whenever I watch or look at porn, I usually have to add a little bit of mental spice to it. This is why I prefer to read erotica, because I need that mental stimulation. I need those scenarios in a much more imaginable way, full of vivid details. I always have to come up with scenarios while I'm having sex of any kind if I am to have any hope of getting off.
Speaking of sex, I only like making love. I may be horny a good portion of the time, and I even have my temptations like everybody else, but as soon as I get off, the drive behind those temptations vanishes and I'm left with feelings of emptiness and unjustifiable guilt. These feelings usually only take place immediately after masturbation, but it is the reason why I almost never hook up. I love sex, but I only love it when I'm with someone I'm mutually in love with. When we make love, it's so passionate and euphoric. When we finish, I never feel guilty because I know that we will always have each other and that our time together will not end with a mere ejaculation.
I have my fair share of fetishes, but I know that many of them I will never experience, whether they can actually be achieved or not. Many of them I'd be willing to never experience so long as I had someone worth giving them up for. They are driven by the sexual temptations that I hate so much. Those temporary feel-good sensations that ultimately make me feel sick to my stomach. There are some fetishes that I only like when I'm with another person. Take bondage, for example. Seeing bondage does nothing for me. I feel that even though I know that it's consensual, the fact that it comes from the idea of being a forced sex slave turns me off, seeing as it goes against my ideals. However, when I'm with someone I'm in love with, I don't mind my hands being tied up, for it's done in a playful manner. It's not my favorite thing ever, but it's definitely a fun thing to do. I'm also not saying there's anything wrong with consensual bondage, it just doesn't tickle my fancy.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that sex doesn't turn me on, love does. I'm not even kidding. I hate the dirty talk and hardcore fucking you see in porn, yet I get an instant hard on at the thought of lovey dovey stuff. All I ever want in life is love. That hope for that one specific kind of love is what keeps me going each day. It doesn't matter how many friends I have or how many people like me, I will still fall victim of my constant depression. The taste of romantic love has proven to be the greatest method of dealing with my depression. It is what makes living worthwhile for me. I had exactly what I wanted and it was wonderful, but I gave in to the temptations I hate so much and I destroyed it. The hope to have it again one day is what keeps me going. That's all I can do, though. Just hope.
End of rant. :P
I hate masturbation. I hate that I'm addicted to it. I feel the need to always feed in to it, even though I almost always feel worse after I'm done. This brings me to my hatred for porn. I hate porn because it's just watching people fuck. It does not stimulate my mind whatsoever, for it only stimulates my primal instincts, which is not enough to get me off. Whenever I watch or look at porn, I usually have to add a little bit of mental spice to it. This is why I prefer to read erotica, because I need that mental stimulation. I need those scenarios in a much more imaginable way, full of vivid details. I always have to come up with scenarios while I'm having sex of any kind if I am to have any hope of getting off.
Speaking of sex, I only like making love. I may be horny a good portion of the time, and I even have my temptations like everybody else, but as soon as I get off, the drive behind those temptations vanishes and I'm left with feelings of emptiness and unjustifiable guilt. These feelings usually only take place immediately after masturbation, but it is the reason why I almost never hook up. I love sex, but I only love it when I'm with someone I'm mutually in love with. When we make love, it's so passionate and euphoric. When we finish, I never feel guilty because I know that we will always have each other and that our time together will not end with a mere ejaculation.
I have my fair share of fetishes, but I know that many of them I will never experience, whether they can actually be achieved or not. Many of them I'd be willing to never experience so long as I had someone worth giving them up for. They are driven by the sexual temptations that I hate so much. Those temporary feel-good sensations that ultimately make me feel sick to my stomach. There are some fetishes that I only like when I'm with another person. Take bondage, for example. Seeing bondage does nothing for me. I feel that even though I know that it's consensual, the fact that it comes from the idea of being a forced sex slave turns me off, seeing as it goes against my ideals. However, when I'm with someone I'm in love with, I don't mind my hands being tied up, for it's done in a playful manner. It's not my favorite thing ever, but it's definitely a fun thing to do. I'm also not saying there's anything wrong with consensual bondage, it just doesn't tickle my fancy.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that sex doesn't turn me on, love does. I'm not even kidding. I hate the dirty talk and hardcore fucking you see in porn, yet I get an instant hard on at the thought of lovey dovey stuff. All I ever want in life is love. That hope for that one specific kind of love is what keeps me going each day. It doesn't matter how many friends I have or how many people like me, I will still fall victim of my constant depression. The taste of romantic love has proven to be the greatest method of dealing with my depression. It is what makes living worthwhile for me. I had exactly what I wanted and it was wonderful, but I gave in to the temptations I hate so much and I destroyed it. The hope to have it again one day is what keeps me going. That's all I can do, though. Just hope.
End of rant. :P
I'm a thirty-five year old bachelor and virgin, to adjust to society's values (which can kiss my tail). I have vows of chastity as a Freemason, as well. All that is to be saved until after marriage, when I can share it with that special someone whom I will share my life with. But the odds of finding an equally pure-hearted person these days are slim to none, so... Here's to dying a prude.
As far as normalcy goes I'm pretty much asexual. I'm like you in the sense that I need love and affection to get things going, and the person needs to be really special to me, otherwise I just honestly find regular sex one of the most boring things ever. I literally can't help but find it a waste of time. For me intimacy needs to build up from a playful scenario, and be enjoyed in full rather than just shooting straight to the 'grand finale'.
Not to mention there are a couple of things that DO get me going, and they're all part of that playfulness. But people nowadays are too immediatist, too uninspired. My first mate's idea of sex was what he'd seen in boring, mainstream gay porn movies, and that was it.
In a sense I'm pretty much automatically off the market, since I have really high standards, and I end up having a crush once per year (that's more often than not not reciprocated) so to all sorts and purposes me getting into a relationship I genuinely enjoy is as likely as the Big Bang (ironically o.o)
I just occupy myself with plenty of hobbies. And mind you, I have lots and lots of friends I hang out with all the time. We're WIRED to want a companion, to crave intimacy when we're lying there in bed alone at night... So what? We're also wired to maim and kill anything that stands in our way but you don't see me stomping people to death at Walmart just to get a new telev.. okay, bad example.... but y'know what I mean XD
I agree with a lot of this. Don't get me wrong about intercourse, though. I love it too, but the love, the scenario, and the foreplay all have to be there to lead up to it.
Like you, my standards are very high these days. Physical attraction is easy, but that's usually as far as it goes with most people. I need to be able to feel the connection. I want the other person to be able to stimulate my mind. Due to my standards, I see myself being single for a while, unless by chance I find someone wonderful sooner than anticipated.
I also agree with the fact that we're far too overpopulated to be encouraging reproduction. I get that a lot of people do want to raise children, but there have been too many unwanted pregnancies and people taking advantage of certain legal benefits of reproduction. Not only that, but I foresee several more issues arising for the up and coming generations.