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An analysis of my little self
12 years ago
General
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I wrote this while FA was down in an attempt to better explain/understand my little side. It's a tad long, but it did help me a lot with better understanding myself. ^.^
Recently I've been reading around FA and observing various people within the cub community, and how being a cub has shaped their identity (and vice-verse). It's interesting that a concept so simple could have such diversity, but I suppose the same can be said for any subculture (or in our case, sub-subculture x3). I said a while back that I intended to make a journal describing what being a cub means to me and the sorts of things cub me desires, but that's always been difficult because up until recently I considered my identity to be very fluid, and even now when things have settled a bit I still find myself shifting from various different “modes”, like a car occasionally shifting gears. So I guess I'll start with the basics, and go from there.
Who are you in cub form?
My cub fursona is a 5-year-old cat boy named Matt (although I call him Matthew to distinguish him from another fursona of mine) who lives in a loving family with both of his parents, and although he is their only child he has a close extended family to make up for it. He is very bright for his age and learns new things very quickly, allowing him to be moved up to first grade from kindergarten. He is very shy around strangers because he still needs to wear pull-ups due to a small/over-active bladder problem (which I will mention more about later), but once he warms up to them he is very open and loyal as a friend. On the flipside, he can also be a tad clingy, and struggles with separation anxiety and a slight fear of being alone for extended periods of time.
Occasionally when he is stressed or upset, Matt will regress mentally to about age 2-3. In this state he becomes a lot clumsier with his motor and speech skills, has accidents more frequently, and absolutely refuses to be left alone. Usually these moments only last for a little while and he reverts back to his normal self with a bit of coaxing.
What do you want as a cub?
Essentially what any 5-year-old wants. I don't always want to be coddled and love to be able to explore my growing independence within the safety of whoever is taking care of me. I am not a baby and will most likely complain if I am treated as one, because I am very proud of the things I am able to do. I don't mind being helped by an adult if I ask for help, but if not I prefer to work things out for my own. I do best with caretakers/grown-ups who can respect my boundaries and isn't afraid to play and have fun with me, but still retain their parental (or whatever) role around me.
Why are you a cub?
Most of the people who I interact with regularly know that I am FTM transgender, which I think plays a big role in my cub self. In my early childhood, particularly around Matt's age, I didn't really have many friends because I was different from most of the other kids, and so I immersed myself in a world of imaginary friends, computer games, and other fantasy. My parents were very loving and did their best, but even they weren't substitutes for real friends my age, and as a result I was a bit detached from others (although it really didn't become apparent until a lot later) and feel as if I grew up too fast.
Even as a child I'd often daydream of being younger, and longed to go back to a time when things were easier and I was less self-aware. But over time I've wanted to move forward rather than linger in the past. Matt is sort of my attempt at that by giving him the childhood I feel I missed out on. He is biologically male which eliminates a lot of problems I had, and is less afraid of the world than I was/am. He still has his little quirks and bits from my personality, but he is free to live out his life without any of the major stresses I've had in my life.
Diapers (and related)
Of course like the majority of those in the cub community, a lot of my cub identity is based on an interest in diapers. I might even consider it one of the main factors in who I am in the community as it was how I discovered it, but it's not one I choose to linger on because I feel there is more to being a cub than the sort of underwear I wear. I have worn them IRL and enjoy doing so, and while I admit they can be sexual for me at times, more often than not I simply wear for comfort.
Matt wears pull-ups for most of the daytime, but wears diapers at night or during long car trips. I prefer them to diapers as I enjoy the sort of freedom they bring – with diapers one is forced to use them, with underwear one is forced to use the potty. I try not to use them, though, because I'm big, but sometimes I can't help it. That being said, I only wet them and dislike messing and would prefer it not be discussed around me. I am also not into forced diapering and would prefer that be respected.
Conclusion
So this might be a bit long-winded for some people, but as anyone who knows me well can say, I have a bad habit of trying to over-analyze parts of myself and when doing so can come off as a bit... eh, clinical? I don't really know the word. But I thank anyone who's read this, and all of my friends (cub or otherwise) for being awesome. :3
Also I recognize that some things I've said here might go against what some people feel as cubs, so I will say that this is all based on my experience, which is individual and that I recognize people feel and want different things, which is what makes the community so nice and diverse.
So yeah, bye for now,
Matt :3
Recently I've been reading around FA and observing various people within the cub community, and how being a cub has shaped their identity (and vice-verse). It's interesting that a concept so simple could have such diversity, but I suppose the same can be said for any subculture (or in our case, sub-subculture x3). I said a while back that I intended to make a journal describing what being a cub means to me and the sorts of things cub me desires, but that's always been difficult because up until recently I considered my identity to be very fluid, and even now when things have settled a bit I still find myself shifting from various different “modes”, like a car occasionally shifting gears. So I guess I'll start with the basics, and go from there.
Who are you in cub form?
My cub fursona is a 5-year-old cat boy named Matt (although I call him Matthew to distinguish him from another fursona of mine) who lives in a loving family with both of his parents, and although he is their only child he has a close extended family to make up for it. He is very bright for his age and learns new things very quickly, allowing him to be moved up to first grade from kindergarten. He is very shy around strangers because he still needs to wear pull-ups due to a small/over-active bladder problem (which I will mention more about later), but once he warms up to them he is very open and loyal as a friend. On the flipside, he can also be a tad clingy, and struggles with separation anxiety and a slight fear of being alone for extended periods of time.
Occasionally when he is stressed or upset, Matt will regress mentally to about age 2-3. In this state he becomes a lot clumsier with his motor and speech skills, has accidents more frequently, and absolutely refuses to be left alone. Usually these moments only last for a little while and he reverts back to his normal self with a bit of coaxing.
What do you want as a cub?
Essentially what any 5-year-old wants. I don't always want to be coddled and love to be able to explore my growing independence within the safety of whoever is taking care of me. I am not a baby and will most likely complain if I am treated as one, because I am very proud of the things I am able to do. I don't mind being helped by an adult if I ask for help, but if not I prefer to work things out for my own. I do best with caretakers/grown-ups who can respect my boundaries and isn't afraid to play and have fun with me, but still retain their parental (or whatever) role around me.
Why are you a cub?
Most of the people who I interact with regularly know that I am FTM transgender, which I think plays a big role in my cub self. In my early childhood, particularly around Matt's age, I didn't really have many friends because I was different from most of the other kids, and so I immersed myself in a world of imaginary friends, computer games, and other fantasy. My parents were very loving and did their best, but even they weren't substitutes for real friends my age, and as a result I was a bit detached from others (although it really didn't become apparent until a lot later) and feel as if I grew up too fast.
Even as a child I'd often daydream of being younger, and longed to go back to a time when things were easier and I was less self-aware. But over time I've wanted to move forward rather than linger in the past. Matt is sort of my attempt at that by giving him the childhood I feel I missed out on. He is biologically male which eliminates a lot of problems I had, and is less afraid of the world than I was/am. He still has his little quirks and bits from my personality, but he is free to live out his life without any of the major stresses I've had in my life.
Diapers (and related)
Of course like the majority of those in the cub community, a lot of my cub identity is based on an interest in diapers. I might even consider it one of the main factors in who I am in the community as it was how I discovered it, but it's not one I choose to linger on because I feel there is more to being a cub than the sort of underwear I wear. I have worn them IRL and enjoy doing so, and while I admit they can be sexual for me at times, more often than not I simply wear for comfort.
Matt wears pull-ups for most of the daytime, but wears diapers at night or during long car trips. I prefer them to diapers as I enjoy the sort of freedom they bring – with diapers one is forced to use them, with underwear one is forced to use the potty. I try not to use them, though, because I'm big, but sometimes I can't help it. That being said, I only wet them and dislike messing and would prefer it not be discussed around me. I am also not into forced diapering and would prefer that be respected.
Conclusion
So this might be a bit long-winded for some people, but as anyone who knows me well can say, I have a bad habit of trying to over-analyze parts of myself and when doing so can come off as a bit... eh, clinical? I don't really know the word. But I thank anyone who's read this, and all of my friends (cub or otherwise) for being awesome. :3
Also I recognize that some things I've said here might go against what some people feel as cubs, so I will say that this is all based on my experience, which is individual and that I recognize people feel and want different things, which is what makes the community so nice and diverse.
So yeah, bye for now,
Matt :3
CodyTehFox
~codytehfox
Very well thought out. :3 As always, it's fun to read about why people act the way they do. Not a whole lot of this was new to me, but there was a bit more detail than I've previously known about some things.
Ollie-Ottsenfree
~ollie-ottsenfree
OP
*nodsnods and hugs* Thanks for reading, Cody! ^.^
