I am so tired of feeling pain. i have come to realize that love is pain or it always leads to it. I want nothing more than to stop feeling so i can let her go but i cant seem to. I cant help it I mean I went to school and tried to get my life started so i could be with her but i dont know if it will be possible, and it hurts to think that im the only one who is trying that im the only one who has to give up my home town and move away. I dont want to leave my family but leaving home and going on your own is part of growing up and ive learned that, and doing it for the one I loved made it a little easier. it makes me question whether or not she truly loved me like she says she did or still does, she says she wants to move on but it feels like shes just giving up because shes scared. I am tired of loving and not having those feelings returned. it feels like im destined to have nothing but unrequited love, to love and yet never have it returned. i feel it even worse now that i have lost my mother, i have a gigantic hole in my chest since i lost my mother made even bigger by the whole in my heart from not being able to be with the woman i love. I havnt even dated another person since we broke up i dont even feel anything towards any other women. I guess im just ranting because of the holiday season and the pain it has started to bring me. someday I hope she understands how i feel and returns those feelings but alas i fear it will not happen, just like it didnt happen when i worked so hard to save up the money for her to come stay with me for a little, I fear that fear is what stands in the way of her and her feelings.