Life is a strange yet wondrous thing.

Work has been terrible and I have been a stressed out, panicky mess as of late, at least while on the clock. However, my holidays have turned out to be things of joy and beauty so far. My closest friends have started wishing me Happy Yule instead of Merry Christmas and have otherwise tried to accomodate my difference in faith. While I hate raising fusses and am just fine with celebrating the love & family aspects of Christmas, I found their gestures endearing. It's lovely when people respect things like that. My present haul so far has been far more than I ever could've asked for and way more than I expected, since I wasn't expecting anything. ;_; My bff got me a prop warhammer, a Nightmare Before Christmas tee, and a pair of Mjölnir earrings. My brother gave me a tee that was a Doctor Who/Alice In Wonderland crossover, while his mom got me a DIY messenger bag kit thing and "velvet" nail polish set that makes your nails fuzzy like velvet. :o It's super neat. mailed me the entire Chronicles of Narnia after learning I've never read the series. gave me art. At my work Christmas party/Secret Santa gift exchange, my "Santa" -who turned out to be my asst. manager, Craig- got me Thor bubble tape, Avengers pens and the Dark Knight trilogy on dvd... while another coworker gave me some homemade cookies. My sister got me a snarky tee shirt and a collection of paranormal crime stories. Mama & Papa went above and beyond- I'd only asked for a leather jacket and a new Living Dead Doll. Two blindboxed figures (one Doctor Who -which was a Sontaran- and one Living Dead Doll mini figure), candy, pins, a Manic Panic lipstick set, Tales from the Crypt dvds, and the two best things: a beeeeeeautiful hardcover edition of my FAVORITE Neil Gaiman book, American Gods, and the black & white release of Living Dead Doll's Boris Karloff Frankenstein doll, which is so perfect and beautiful that it puts the rest of my collection to shame... There's also a promise for a future leather jacket shopping trip. Considering how tough this year has been for the family, financially and otherwise... I hadn't expected much at all from anyone. I've gone a year or more without really spending money on non-essential items so I've grown used to doing without. I haven't spoiled myself in ages so to just get spoiled like this... Makes my little kittywolfy heart feel loved. I'm still waiting on things in the mail from other friends... I don't deserve all this ; 3; Thank you everyone. You've made the holidays very special and have restored some hope in this disillusioned, depressed girl.

Today I was dreading going to my relatives', but I had the nicest experience that I've had at a family gathering ever. For the entirety of my life. People talked to me instead of ignoring me, and I even got invited to a future "Girls' Night" with my cousins. ; 3; This is the first time since I can remember that I've been invited to do anything with them. I'm not going to assume this means I suddenly have the close knit family I've been chasing after but... this is literally all I've ever wanted, to belong, and I'm feeling hopeful.

A stern talking to my stalker seems to have made him back off. -thumbs up- Alex is still poofed and has yet to return my stuff (no surprise). Zac & ex-Chris have been good companions lately. I miss bro-Chris and Delman. :/ Oh and Theseus came back from the dead for a while but I think he's gone for good now... I blatantly challenged his melodrama and his lies and he stopped talking. Good. Theseus is as poisonous for me as my ex-Master was... the fact I call him 'Theseus' should be a good indicator of that, at least if you know your myths... Anyways. He is dead and gone to me, alongside my ex-Master. Good riddance.

I've found the perfect phrase to describe my current love life: la douleur exquise. It is defined as the "heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable." I've fallen in love with this phrase. The fact it obviously has French roots just makes it better... I studied French in high school, and still adore the feel of the language on my tongue. My coworker for whom I've been Tarot reader/counselor has, in turn, started playing counselor for me. I like her point of view on things, and, as she's a lesbian, I feel comfortable talking openly about the not-straight parts of my love life. I had a heart to heart with her earlier about the mess I'm in, and she helped me clear my head. She's a simple believer in fate and in things sorting themselves out in the end. I used to believe in those things. I almost envy her for it. Still... I'm going to try to believe. Or... I'll trust her belief. Things will sort themselves out. Freya will bring me love when it is right for her to do so.

I've had weird dreams lately, some of Alex, some of work... and one that is recurring from my teenaged years, where I was a Celt warrior fighting against the damned Roman invaders.

Goodnight, my darlings. -gives cookies to anyone still reading this- You all have my love.

-Lani/Dazz