My life gets progressively stranger by the day, and while a lot of inner turmoil keeps getting stirred up, in a strange way I am thriving in the chaos. Saturday, Dad took me to this outlet mall that was an hour drive from my town, and bought me my leather coat. It's not quite the cut I had in mind, but it's nice, and real, and I'm pleased. It also means that The Great Wardrobe Shift quest has a new achievement unlocked: Leather Jacket Obtained (+600 XP). That shopping trip also meant I spent the most amount of time outside that I've spent in weeks. The cold air, the simple /connection/ to Nature that I make when I spend any amount of time outside is rejuvenating to the depths of my soul. Buildings are too cagey and this spirit needs to roam untamed. I get depressed inside buildings. Is it any wonder that I'm a tree hugging Nature worshipper? I need the wilderness to breathe.

The past keeps resurfacing for me. People who have long been dead to me keep trying to come back and be an active part of my life again. It's getting to point of ridiculousness. I dream of hopping a train and never coming back, never returning to this godforsaken town. I need a clean slate, to wash my hands of this life and be somewhere where the (metaphorical) dead don't come back to haunt me. It's so hard to move forward while everyone is trying to drag me back into the past.

A family member recently passed away, though I did not know them well, so I feel... sort of detached to the situation. My cousin's dog also passed, which hit me a little harder because I had just been playing with said dog on Christmas. :/ Which, probably makes me sound like a bad person, but... -shrugs- C'est vrai, mes amis.

The snow has returned, for which I am grateful. I'm hoping it stays a while... I find it calming. It also seems to fuel the witchy mindset I've been in the past few days. Not that I need much of a push to slip into witchmode... ^^; I've been listening to the Dreamside a lot lately, particularly this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTp.....e_gdata_player

It's lengthy, but I highly recommend it. The lyrics just... fit how I've been feeling:
You may find me under the willow tree. I might be dead, or just thinking. Like always... I always do in this place. Yes, I suffocate, just as you do. Maybe I pretend to know where I stand, but I make mistakes, just as you do. I feel like Siddhartha on a search through this life. I am searching. Never said I knew. I never said so. Searching... Never said I knew. I'm just searching. Never said I knew it all...

Anyways... Hope everyone's doing well. I need to drag myself away from my phone.

All of my love,
Lani