I don't know why I'm randomly making a journal on the 17th day of my attempt to go sober. Like I said ealier, I have, like, a phobia of making journal entries. I have dozens of ideas of what I want to say, but I never say any of them because it feels like I'd just screw it up. Like, unless I obsess over my ideas and write a hundred drafts I am not allowed to share my thoughts.

And then I'll just do something like this.

Anyway, deciding to start my sobriety at the start of the month has made keeping track of how many days its been pretty easy. It's January the 17th, that means I've been sober for 17 days. Frankly I can't believe I've gone this long... it suuuuucks. Every day I get this almost painful desire to drink. Absolutely anything and EVERYTHING sets me off. Frustrated with work - need a drink. Phone meeting I hate - need a drink. Online drama - need a drink. Feeling unmotivated to get work done - need a drink. Stressing out over relationship issues (which happens almost all the time) - need a drink. Even positive things do this. Like, if I finish a piece of work ahead of time and feel good - need a drink, to celebrate.