all I have ever wanted to do my whole life is work in music, and for the last several years I have slacked well recently I have gotten my butt into gear and have started working on my vocals again and building up my collection of music and in the process or trying to write my own stuff. trying to write my own music though has become rather frustrating because everything I write sounds like crap or a musical. I have tried getting online to research song writers but I have had no such luck and each day I am coming across people who are younger than me and who are living and breathing the career I would love to be doing. granted this is only a part of my frustration. I'm frustrated with work, which is actually rather a minor frustration compared to all else. I don't know.....

I don't know what to do anymore, yes I have met a lot of wonderful people and characters this past year and am enjoying getting to know them better with each and every passing day but and the same I just wish I new where my life was going. truth is all the frustration is really with myself. with myself for slacking and not sticking with performing. I'm tired of living with what if's all the time and I am just trying to do and skip the maybe. but how does one keep venturing on when having fallen through so many let downs and disappointments? hopefully i'll either figure out how to write lyrics or someone will decide hey lets right a song together or by chance some miracle will happen and someone will over hear my voice or actually see that my being weird is a good thing. who knows? but I can dream right?