This feeling a feeling deep in my gut I have no idea what it is. ....Turning yearning....feeling of loss and of needing.....but what did i lose? What an I missing I really don't know anymore .....what is this feeling? I feel so lost in a sea of black I have a bright sky to look up at where all my friends sit cheeking me up only for more to fall back down again. so meany times on my high and lows my mind only making it hard to run away from the insanity the darkness. the feeling building up in side me filling me with doubt and the need for....something....maybe someone. I have not felt anything for so long I don't know I don't know is this the feeling of love or loss? the feeling of needing some one?.....or the need to be alone ? what is this feeling that seems to grow stronger and stronger with each day with each fake smile and with each "i'm fine" i have no idea.... * grabs belly* cant some one tell me ? .......I think I want something to change in my life....anything.....I mean i moved....but that did not help...this change...is something bigger then that * grabs head* I have had a never ending headache no mater how meany pills i take it will not go away not that I take a lot of them.....is that's what it feels like to go mad? i'm so lost should i jump in to the sea and see what happens? I don't know if i'll ever git out again .......i'm lost anyways .......and no one can seem to pull me out....thew I like to tell them i'm okay...I like to say i'm fine ..is this all a cry for help? am I not yelling lowed enough for the people to here me ? but....they try to help they really do...maybe it helps me a little to talk to them.....but its just...never enough....they don't understand. i'm...so stupid.....so useless so mindless....so .....so lost....in madness in darkness in doubt....i'll put on another fake smile ...for as long as it takes ....to make everyone i love happy...i'll take the knife in the back as meany times as you like to stab me ......because i'm that kind of girl. I'll keep smiling no mater what...even if i don't always smile..to make it seem i'm not as bad as i really am.