Yeah I know not every one is cruel or shallow but thats just not been my experience with people. Most of the people I've come to know as "friends" are never there when I needed them the most. I've always done my best to be there when my friends needed me the most but when it comes time to returning the favor they had better things to do. I suppose I'm just gullible that way. I have tried to live my life by the "Golden Rule" which is.. Treat others and do for others in the same manner as you would like to be treated.. and you know what I hate to say it.. that's just not true. People will always treat you how they feel like treating you despite how kind or respectful you treat them. Sadly thats just the reality of things. My problem is I keep holding out thinking that I might be wrong .. but time and time again I'm proven right. While you're right there are a lot of good people out there, most people are cruel shallow and selfish and the holidays just brings it out on some people.

Thanks Skyler. I'll be fine. I'm going to be 39 if I've not taken myself out by now Its a safe bet Im here to stay. Despite my "issues" I know things get better eventually. I sometimes just need to get crap like this out of my system rather than keep it bottled up. Believe it or not I do take the advise friends on FA give to heart. Sometimes this is the only place I have to talk about anything.. so I do appreciate you guys a lot. More than you will ever know.

::nods:: I will. Thanks again *hug*

Ow... Dear Balto, you just need to spend one TRUE holiday with you real friend. The meaning of Christmas is in people! In friends! I wish you hind you real friend!

Ow... Dear Balto, you just need to spend one TRUE holiday with you real friend. The meaning of Christmas is in people! In friends! I wish you find you real friend!

Thanks I appreciate it. Many people wonder why I tend to be so withdrawn and quiet. its just on going stuff like this in my life growing up that took its toll on my confidence. I had very abusive parents and I really didn't have any friends growing up except for one. I guess he was my Boris. It's honestly why I can relate to the character Balto (at least as Dream works told the story) Growing up feeling like an outcast not really feeling like i belonged any where. Kids can be very cruel to one another. So not only did I get the abuse from my family I got it at school too. Parents never let me go any where but to school and back so hanging out with friends and going out on weekends never happened for me. School home and yard work on the weekends. That was my life for 19 years. No wonder Im a mess. My family really screwed me up emotionally. Thats another reason I moved to Texas. I needed to get away from my family. They don't know where I am and I don't plan on ever seeing them again. Not that they care. Any how It took me several years to even get to where I am now. Its done its damage but I think Im getting better about things like this. I hope any how.

I appreciate the kind words. It means a lot thank you Charlie. I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest. I really hate this part about the holidays. It dredges up way too many bad memories for me and it hurts too much hearing others talk about their nice Christmas' and holiday memories.

My family is actually like three friends who I live with it. I don't like visiting any relatives, neither having dinner together, neither any xmas stuff, it's just a relaxing, happy day. Xmas means a day for me where I can mostly forget everything and rest. Imo it doesn't have to mean such thing as "family together" "love" etc..
The problem is that everyone feels like they must do something "xmas like".

And remember that mostly the best friends are being forgotten and the worst people is who they remember:)
Also, yes, there are a lot of cruel people[though, I don't know many in mah lil country], but it should make you feel better, because you know that your belong to the better people. Maybe I said it before but it's something important to be reminded of:)

The sad fact that I have to agree with that yes, you have no choice to take whatever comes before you can stand on your own feet, but you always have another chance, I believe I end one day my shyness, leave this country and live a real life not living on the PC and consoles. You should believe that you'll have the xmas you'd like to have once, if you want^^

Good example is Balto:D
I know it's only a story, but I love it too, see that he had no choice but to live on a ship with Borris while he wanted to stay in town. No-one knew him well while he was a great guy and soon they recognized and welcomed him. It just needed time and ambition:)

You're right and I do I agree 100% with you. Also I think you hit the nail on the head regarding "Balto" that is exactly why I chose this fursona and name because it fits me. I cried during that movie because I knew a lot of the pain the character went through and I understood the longing to be loved and accepted. I never had that. I was also constantly bullied and picked on as a kid and never accepted into any circle of friends. I guess thats why I tend to be so gullible. May be .. just maybe some one will prove me wrong. Deep down I never noticed what I had inside I actually got into Art because it made people notice me and find a reason to like me. Its pathetic I know but at the time thats what kept me going. Now its more of an out let and a way to express myself and I still like that fact that it makes people smile. That means more to me than anything.

I also think part of my problem is I have such a hard time getting to meet new people. I never really socialized with people so I never learned the skills in having a simple conversation. Its very hard for me. I actually have to work at having a conversation. Most of the people who have met me at a con could probably notice I have to work at keeping a conversation going. ::sigh:: Who would have realized it would be so hard.

By the way I love your Icon hehe it makes me smile. Thank you again for your advise. I will take that to heart.

We're then somewhat the same, I don't have actually many friends and those I have are kinda...um just asking about homework, talking about special events, playing with consoles and stuff, but I don't want anything from them, I stand there if they need help though. I started to draw because I believe that an anthrophomophical world would be better and could exists and also because I'm optimistic and it makes me happy to see happy cartoons:)
Instead of art I got into the net where I can show who am I really and almost every person through the net or those who I actually told more then "hi" says that I'm a good fella.
True that I'd like to have more friends but it's not my fault that I live here where people are can't be the friend who I'm looking for. That's why we live right? Find the place we belong to, until that, nothing matters:)
Starting a conversation is again hard for me too, mostly because I'm afraid I might say something bad or it's just lame from me to do that. I wasn't bullied that much though, even more, people tried to be friends with me, but I get easily shy and can't say more than 2-3words and I try to don't look interested a bit too much which ends most conversations.
Even if I could, I just wouldn't go to a con, I can't bear more than 15-20 unknown people in a single room who I don't know, so you're a step ahead of me:D
But everything has a good point, while others are hyperactive and get into a lot of crisis, I actually have time for everything and don't have to be afraid that I end up drunk, end up in hospital or couldn't pass an exam because of being addicted to parties and such stuff, while others do.
For a funny example, I hate P. E. and I'm not so famous that I can easily stay in the locker room. They lock the door and I'm staying in the locker room alone, getting a book/hendheld or a sketch-book to draw and no-one asks where I am:D

When I was a lil kid I always tried to act a bit more like Balto:D
Though only a book made me cry, Balto meant something as well since I watched the trilogy about 10-15times and maybe just because of his character:)

So see? There are a lot of people like you and you don't have to be afraid of such things:)

Yeah I think you are right .. I think sometimes we tend to think this is only something we go though and never realize that we are not alone in the same struggle. I suppose its encouraging to know that a lot of us share the same struggles so it a way knowing that fact makes things a bit better. Thank you for sharing that. I can agree with a lot of what you have said I think you are right we seem to have a lot in common there. *hug*

I wish I had something to add. I've actually known others who had nightmarish Christmases growing up, so you're not the first to feel this way.

Regarding your comment above that you tend to have trouble keeping conversations going, that's actually not been my impression at all. I've enjoyed speaking with you and it certainly was not difficult or forced from my perspective, so I'd say you do just fine! Maybe you don't give yourself enough credit?

Perhaps you just need to build some new, pleasant memories that will erode the bad ones. Easier said than done, I know. But there's no need to be forever unhappy at Christmas, and perhaps your friends can help give you something to be happy about. Family is where you find it.

If I can do anything for you, don't hesitate to call on me.

Thanks I appreciate the kind words. Maybe this year will be different .. I hope so any way. As for Family I really don't have any family. My parents don't care to see me anymore and told me so, and my brother and sisters don't give a damn about anything but themselves. So I can't see things getting better there but I will try to focus on things that don't remind me of my past. I plan to spend Christmas at home with my dog Charlie. I got him a stocking with treats in it so I think he will like that. :) Anyhow, thanks again for your kindness I really appreciate it.

I hope that someday, you will find a new family that will not deny you freedom and companionship.


Merry Christmas!

Thanks Brown i appreciate it.