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My Top 5 Creepiest Baby List
11 years ago
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So I've been discovering that I have very little mothering female instincts. Babies have never excited me. When girls would squeal over holding some friend's/mother's/sister's/aunt's/etc's baby, I hold no more excitement than if someone would have asked if I could hold a bag of wriggly flour. I don't hate babies, nor am I afraid of them. I just don't get excited over them. I don't expect or want this to change. I'm happy with how things are. (Just to be clear, just because I don't want children, doesn't mean I have any issue with those who do. Please, go and live your lives how you wish. Just leave me to live mine.)
Because of this lack of normal mothering hormones or whatever it is that makes women want babies, whenever I come across something that normally makes girls feel all squidgy and happy about their future white-picket-fence life. I curl my lip and choke back the barf.
Here is my list of really creepy babies that freak me out.
The Old Spice Claw Game Baby:
So athropomorphic hair crawling off a cute guys head and manipulating things is creepy enough. What's worse is to suggest that Good hair promises babies creeps me out to no end. It's not the baby itself that's creepy, but the situation. And the reaction of the woman who is just so overjoyed that a baby popped out of this claw game is just too much.
The Mr Clean Baby:
So this thing looks like the albino version of the twilight baby -- which is equally disturbing. As this sucker grows the creepiness factor increases -- but the initial shock remains the same. All childhood forms of Mr. Clean are super creepy. Really whenever CGI is done wrong, the uncanny valley is the result.
The Twilight Baby:
http://tinyurl.com/ljdflle
Don't watch the movie -- unless it's a riff trax. Creepy baby is creepy, and of course the relationship with her mother's ex-lover layers that creep on super thick. Also I count the creepy anamatronic Chuckeesseme in this category. Here you go for some extra terror:
http://tinyurl.com/l98n2aj
Founding Myths Book Cover Baby:
http://tinyurl.com/lvrdcos
So many things wrong with this creepy picture. Really it's the combination of the creepy George Washington face, the pissed off eagle head and the baby ass. All the wrong things. What's worse is some genius commissioned an artist for this and put it on a mainstream book cover. You can buy this book! I hear it's pretty good. But do you really want that cover staring back at you? Maybe the hardcover version has a removable slip cover.
The Bloodstained Rabbit Baby:
http://www.darkatlas.com/writing-rabbit.php
I started looking for artwork he did -- but I really don't want to relive it. Plus, it's more powerful when you read the book. It's the single most creepiest moment of my reading experiences thus far. Read it if you can. It's a great book. And it's fairly short. It's very dark horror -- but it's hard to put down.
Do you feel all warm and motherly now? Aren't these babies just the thing you need to jumpstart your reproductive organs? No? Then I think someone dropped the ball. Well, except in The Bloodstained Rabbit -- That's supposed to fuck with your head.
Do you have your own creepy baby list? Or am I the only one?
Because of this lack of normal mothering hormones or whatever it is that makes women want babies, whenever I come across something that normally makes girls feel all squidgy and happy about their future white-picket-fence life. I curl my lip and choke back the barf.
Here is my list of really creepy babies that freak me out.
The Old Spice Claw Game Baby:
So athropomorphic hair crawling off a cute guys head and manipulating things is creepy enough. What's worse is to suggest that Good hair promises babies creeps me out to no end. It's not the baby itself that's creepy, but the situation. And the reaction of the woman who is just so overjoyed that a baby popped out of this claw game is just too much.
The Mr Clean Baby:
So this thing looks like the albino version of the twilight baby -- which is equally disturbing. As this sucker grows the creepiness factor increases -- but the initial shock remains the same. All childhood forms of Mr. Clean are super creepy. Really whenever CGI is done wrong, the uncanny valley is the result.
The Twilight Baby:
http://tinyurl.com/ljdflle
Don't watch the movie -- unless it's a riff trax. Creepy baby is creepy, and of course the relationship with her mother's ex-lover layers that creep on super thick. Also I count the creepy anamatronic Chuckeesseme in this category. Here you go for some extra terror:
http://tinyurl.com/l98n2aj
Founding Myths Book Cover Baby:
http://tinyurl.com/lvrdcos
So many things wrong with this creepy picture. Really it's the combination of the creepy George Washington face, the pissed off eagle head and the baby ass. All the wrong things. What's worse is some genius commissioned an artist for this and put it on a mainstream book cover. You can buy this book! I hear it's pretty good. But do you really want that cover staring back at you? Maybe the hardcover version has a removable slip cover.
The Bloodstained Rabbit Baby:
http://www.darkatlas.com/writing-rabbit.php
I started looking for artwork he did -- but I really don't want to relive it. Plus, it's more powerful when you read the book. It's the single most creepiest moment of my reading experiences thus far. Read it if you can. It's a great book. And it's fairly short. It's very dark horror -- but it's hard to put down.
Do you feel all warm and motherly now? Aren't these babies just the thing you need to jumpstart your reproductive organs? No? Then I think someone dropped the ball. Well, except in The Bloodstained Rabbit -- That's supposed to fuck with your head.
Do you have your own creepy baby list? Or am I the only one?
I like babies, but I like my freedom more. I admit I have pretty strong mothering instincts, but I'd rather use those instincts towards my pets than a small human.