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Vent - My absence... hasn't been for positive reasons
12 years ago
General
So, I'm sitting here at home, playing hookie from my own Werewolf event, feeling angry at just about everything. Why? Where to begin...
Some of you probably caught a recent picture I uploaded, one I was quite happy in. Well, for reasons I won't get into (but will share with those closer to me should they ask) the results of that ended up to be a complete disaster. One that's shaken me to my core, despite it not being a blow to my self-confidence for once.
So I'm back to looking for someone to share my excessive amounts of love with, and browsing Pounced. I casually reply to a few women who are both attractive and interesting, trying to strike up conversation and see what happens. Two of them actually bother to reply, so I give them another reply in return. And then that was it. For both of them. Nothing further.
Prior to Furry Fiesta, I was updating my Pounced ad, and even posted something on a furry Reddit involving myself. I actually got a reply from a gal on there. I attempted to reply positively, struck up some pleasant conversation, and... also heard nothing back. When I politely confronted her about this, the reply said that she had been busy and wanted to give me a proper reply to my nice notes, and shared the picture of herself promised from the start. Well, I remained in contact throughout all of the recent stuff, and at this point she's yet to reply to anything and gone as far as to leave my most recent note unread.
*sigh* I'm sick of this crap. I want to actually be involved with someone. I want to share my life and share theirs. Relationships aren't trophies to sit on the damn shelf. I was so happy to finally be involved with someone again, to share that side of myself with, and it was taken away from me in only a day.
Additionally, I've been dealing with my fair share of Werewolf related drama recently as well!
The main of the two monthly meets has been going for so long, that people have stopped carrying through with their own personal obligations. By which I mean signing up on the "Meetup" group in the first place. Where it is advertised, it takes three RSVPs, with individual accounts, in order to pull a meet from the "Suggested" page (which apparently NO ONE bothers to actually fucking check) to the "Upcoming" events page. I posted the event (happening today) almost TWO MONTHS ago. Up until a week ago, it only had one other RSVP. At that point, combined with current drama, I decided I wasn't going this month. Shortly after, a second person finally signed up. But it wasn't until YESTERDAY that the third person finally noticed and pulled it forward.
I should add that I have three people I talk to about Werewolf semi-regularly. I've expressed this issue with them multiple times. None of the three have bothered to make a damned meetup account and sign up for the events. Additionally, yes, I could make duplicate accounts and do it myself, but I don't want to run into issues with management of the Meetup group for such behavior.
Beyond that, I have been subject to noise complaints from the other group that meets on Thursdays at the same location. We have been there for longer than them, and only are there one week out of the month. But they are miniatures gamers. They spend MAJOR money at the store. My group barely spends anything by comparison. Well, the noise complaints have finally reached a level that we are being forced to change what day it meets on. Not that I didn't see it coming, but it doesn't make things less stressful and annoying for me. It's hard enough to get people there under normal situations but now we have to restructure when we meet.
I haven't even secured the space for the North Austin event later this month. That's how much frustration I've been feeling lately. It's not a good thing, in any sense.
I have been beating up monsters in Diablo 3, drowning myself in games and selfishness. Simply put, I'm not in a good place right now. I don't want to continue being alone, but such things can't be magically solved. I know none of you can help me in finding someone, and I know being negative and angry doesn't help draw people in either. I really don't like feeling this way, and can't even say I've felt this generically angry for, like, ever. I don't know. I just can't move past things right now and it has my insides in a bit of a knot.
Eventually I'll push past, but I figure I should let everyone know what's going on. And if someone actually CAN help on the topic of being single, I'm still at least able to speak positively to new people. Heck, that's where almost all of my positivity has gone lately, is putting forward a warm smile to foreign faces. ^_^;
Some of you probably caught a recent picture I uploaded, one I was quite happy in. Well, for reasons I won't get into (but will share with those closer to me should they ask) the results of that ended up to be a complete disaster. One that's shaken me to my core, despite it not being a blow to my self-confidence for once.
So I'm back to looking for someone to share my excessive amounts of love with, and browsing Pounced. I casually reply to a few women who are both attractive and interesting, trying to strike up conversation and see what happens. Two of them actually bother to reply, so I give them another reply in return. And then that was it. For both of them. Nothing further.
Prior to Furry Fiesta, I was updating my Pounced ad, and even posted something on a furry Reddit involving myself. I actually got a reply from a gal on there. I attempted to reply positively, struck up some pleasant conversation, and... also heard nothing back. When I politely confronted her about this, the reply said that she had been busy and wanted to give me a proper reply to my nice notes, and shared the picture of herself promised from the start. Well, I remained in contact throughout all of the recent stuff, and at this point she's yet to reply to anything and gone as far as to leave my most recent note unread.
*sigh* I'm sick of this crap. I want to actually be involved with someone. I want to share my life and share theirs. Relationships aren't trophies to sit on the damn shelf. I was so happy to finally be involved with someone again, to share that side of myself with, and it was taken away from me in only a day.
Additionally, I've been dealing with my fair share of Werewolf related drama recently as well!
The main of the two monthly meets has been going for so long, that people have stopped carrying through with their own personal obligations. By which I mean signing up on the "Meetup" group in the first place. Where it is advertised, it takes three RSVPs, with individual accounts, in order to pull a meet from the "Suggested" page (which apparently NO ONE bothers to actually fucking check) to the "Upcoming" events page. I posted the event (happening today) almost TWO MONTHS ago. Up until a week ago, it only had one other RSVP. At that point, combined with current drama, I decided I wasn't going this month. Shortly after, a second person finally signed up. But it wasn't until YESTERDAY that the third person finally noticed and pulled it forward.
I should add that I have three people I talk to about Werewolf semi-regularly. I've expressed this issue with them multiple times. None of the three have bothered to make a damned meetup account and sign up for the events. Additionally, yes, I could make duplicate accounts and do it myself, but I don't want to run into issues with management of the Meetup group for such behavior.
Beyond that, I have been subject to noise complaints from the other group that meets on Thursdays at the same location. We have been there for longer than them, and only are there one week out of the month. But they are miniatures gamers. They spend MAJOR money at the store. My group barely spends anything by comparison. Well, the noise complaints have finally reached a level that we are being forced to change what day it meets on. Not that I didn't see it coming, but it doesn't make things less stressful and annoying for me. It's hard enough to get people there under normal situations but now we have to restructure when we meet.
I haven't even secured the space for the North Austin event later this month. That's how much frustration I've been feeling lately. It's not a good thing, in any sense.
I have been beating up monsters in Diablo 3, drowning myself in games and selfishness. Simply put, I'm not in a good place right now. I don't want to continue being alone, but such things can't be magically solved. I know none of you can help me in finding someone, and I know being negative and angry doesn't help draw people in either. I really don't like feeling this way, and can't even say I've felt this generically angry for, like, ever. I don't know. I just can't move past things right now and it has my insides in a bit of a knot.
Eventually I'll push past, but I figure I should let everyone know what's going on. And if someone actually CAN help on the topic of being single, I'm still at least able to speak positively to new people. Heck, that's where almost all of my positivity has gone lately, is putting forward a warm smile to foreign faces. ^_^;
Let it go :D
I do wish there was something I could say that would make things better, but all I can say is stay strong, I hope for the best for you.
Things like that are real events, and they're just not worth 'hurrying' to find someone - it's why you wait for someone worth waiting for. That said, don't do what I've done and give up - you really won't ever magically find the person you're not actually looking for. And being alone does get old after 10 years or so...
K Fox (it's official - I'm a hermit, apparently)
Don't look for partners in the fandom.
I don't say this jokingly, or to be a jerk or mean-spirited. I say this out of simple practicality.
The fandom is a very male-dominated place. ~85% male, in fact. This means that from the start, you're searching for a partner who constitutes a pretty significant minority in your group. But it gets worse.
Most women in the fandom are in relationships. Again, this isn't just idle speculation or venting. It's a fact backed by data. The majority of females in the fandom are either in long-term relationships, engaged, or married.
So, of the already small pool that you're searching, you can now more than halve your prospects because they're already in committed relationships. Knock off another significant chunk of the single women who are also homosexual, and you see where I'm going with this.
Not a huge availability pool. Not saying it's impossible to find a female partner in the fandom. But what I am saying is that if a straight male furry wanted to maximize their odds of finding a female relationship partner, they're better off searching elsewhere.
Now, I know what you may be thinking: But furry is important to me, and I would like to date someone who is also a furry.
One mustn't forget that it's possible to meet a partner and introduce them to the furry fandom. In fact, if you find someone in a related fandom, it likely wouldn't be difficult at all to strike up their interest in furry. For example: the anime fandom, as I understand it, has a FAR higher proportion of women in it than the furry fandom does, and there is considerable overlap in interest between the two. If you're wanting to find a partner with similar interests, you may have more success if you start attending an anime club, or going to anime conventions, or participating in online anime forums.
I guess what I'm saying is that if a person wants to find a relationship partner, they're going to have the best odds where there is the biggest number of viable prospects. By limiting oneself to "straight, single women currently in the fandom", you may be unnecessarily limiting yourself and finding yourself frustrated. By branching out a bit, you not only get to expand and develop your own interests a bit, but you may greatly improve your chances of meeting a potential partner along the way =)
Oh. Yeah, I've pretty much always known that. And the ones that are in that pool of availability have other issues that just don't work for me.
I get what you're saying on the anime con thing. Y'know, maybe I'll see about arranging my Werewolf event again at some sort of local anime con. But the problem with anime cons? They uhh, don't actually use minor badges. >_> So. You can see where I'm going with this I think. Dangerous field.
What I really need to do is crack down and figure out how to properly advertise myself on OKCupid. I tried once a long time ago and totally screwed myself with the questions I decided to answer. If I make it back on there, I'm going to avoid any-and-all sexual questions and religion questions. These things are superfluous to finding someone to first talk to. I've at least gotten a little better at marketing myself, so I think I'll have better luck, but just wow that site is a ton of work, and then you have to look through other people as well. I mean, I do that easy enough on Pounced but there's only one or two new women that show up each day and most of them are not to my tastes for some reason or another.
But yeah, furry is important for part of the mindset that comes along with it. But I might do better to find a simple outdoorsy intellectual.
Thanks for writing a big reply, Nuka. (Assuming it wasn't ~all~ copypasta. *bite*) If you have any OKC advice, feel free to share it.
The collary of what Nuca says is that a lot of those relationships will end. If you're around when this happens, and they know and like you, you're higher on the list. Worked for Tylenn, he's now engaged to a wonderful lady that he met at an Austin furmeet before she broke up with her then boyfriend.
(not to imply that's all there is to it, they're also compatable and really nice people, but it sure helped that he was around when the breakup happened)
Also: Women network WAY better than guys. Female friends (or queer friends who hang out with women--it happens, we're nonthreatening and have a lot in common with them) may not want to date you, but if they aren't the isolated-in-a-basement type they know lots of other women, and might mention you as an option when breakups happen to THEM.
Women also hang out with women because that way they don't constantly get hit up with proposals from men...ah, the classic catch-22, if you're actively looking they avoid you. :J
The one thing I would disagree with is the idea of "sticking around until someone breaks up with their partner" - that's not fair to either you or to the other person, who may want you around as a friend, only to discover that you were really looking for a partner. Not fun =/
No, from a purely pragmatic point of view, you're ideally looking to meet as large a pool of prospective partners as possible who are likely to have interests in common with you. That's why I suggest related fandoms =) Meet people while doing the things you like. If you like anime, go to anime cons, and meet people who like anime (or who, at very least, are amenable to furry!)
Another point Whines raised that I also agree with VERY strongly: if you meet a really awesome person, and it turns out they have a partner, don't think of it as "oh, darn, they're taken". Think of them as a female friend. Friends are great, for SO many reasons, and not just in a "friends are good to have in general" sort of way. Pragmatically speaking, females likely have female friends. If you meet a nice woman who has an interest in anime / furry, chances are she has female friends, one of which may be single. In other words, you may be better off not seeing every woman on a "partner / not plausible partner" basis, but instead just making friends with women and, hey, who knows, maybe down the line she'll introduce you to a friend she knows who's also looking. The only thing better than one person (you) looking for a potential partner for you is having several people! =)
And I also completely agree that it's probably NOT a good idea to hit up / proposition women in the fandom... Not only does it objectify them, but they put up with a LOT of it in this fandom - it's hard to be female in this fandom and have male friends without feeling like they're all just waiting in line for the chance to date you (especially when all you really want is to be friends =/
At any rate, hmm, OKC advice. Well, I used OKC at one point, and I guess I see OKC as casting a REALLY big net. Yes, you VASTLY improve your odds of meeting people by putting yourself out there on OKC... the problem is, you also run a huge risk of a LOT of false negatives and potential incompatibilities.
Your BEST bet is really to find a person while doing things you like doing. Plain and simple. If you want someone who has the same interests/ hobbies as you, go to places where people do the things you like to do. If you like gaming, find places where lots of people game, or where you might find a high concentration of people who would be interested in gaming. If you like outdoorsy / nature-y stuff, find groups / clubs / organizations full of people who do that stuff.
The reason is this: your goal here isn't to have a lot of "first dates" which is what you're going to get with OKC. You'll meet a lot of people you go on a first date with and go "hmm... not quite what I had in mind." What you want is to meet a LOT of people, but a lot of people who like stuff you do. Fewer "first dates", but much higher chances of a "second date" and so on.
Honestly - anime conventions, gaming conventions: these are probably the way to go. But keep in mind, you really don't want to go there with the mindset of "I want to meet a potential wife here". Go to meet people first... Meet friends, be part of a social group of like-minded others. That's when you'll have a friend go "hey, you know what, I know a friend of a friend who's single and who would be PERFECT for you!