Ok, a few people are getting a little concerned with the amount of caffeine I consume through energy drinks such as Monster or Red Bull, I've also been told that i get too wired to them and I can understand that. Truth is guys I drink them to keep me in that hyper state or else I'd become the REAL me.

The hyper, fun loving Maxi you all know is just an act in order to hide what I really am, a self loathing outcast who blames himself for anything and everything. Six years ago I visited my Grandfather in hospital who was dying from lung cancer, back then I was foolish and denied that he would die. I went home that night and I prayed to God (something I don't usually do) and asked for his pain to end and for him to die. The next morning my mother received a phone call and rushed to the hospital, later that day she returned home and told me that he had passed away and I went cold. I asked for his death and it was answered.

The next few days were hell, knowing that in a sense that I had killed him I could hear his voice in my head calling my name and asking "why?", all I could do was cry, scream and grip my head to try and make it stop. I looked for support from my friends but did I get any? Did I fuck! all they did was laugh as they always did.

Like I said earlier this happened six years ago and I've blamed myself for it for every day that I've lived, this self loathing and depression drove me to the point of attempting suicide on more than one occasion that I required counselling which helped for a short amount of time however caffeine seemed to put me in a positive state of mind for a long amount of time.

So that's the real reason I drink loads of energy drinks, not too keep a reputation. not to be hardcore but just to protect myself from myself.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means alot to me.