I find that some days, salvation is damnation, and life is just flipping off the reaper out of spite.

Out of it all though, I just can't seem to shake the curiosity that keeps my poking my nose around for the joy in life. I wish for you all the boundless joy of wonder, waiting to be found at the jagged edge of your last heartbreak.

Very poetic, but by definition no.

awww, if you need an ear and a shoulder you know where i am my dear. *hugs and comforts*

Your character grows from following your highest sense of right and from trusting ideals without being sure they'll work. Even though you feel like your heart has been broken too many times, I think you don't need to pity yourself or feel bad about it unless you really want to.

In all things, love, friendships, hatreds, fears... people give something of themselves to that emotion. In order to grant it weight and depth, they put more or less into them, so that they can in turn feel more of that emotion as they go through their lives.

When the situation that created that emotion fades though, one has to learn to retrieve those parts of themselves from that emotion, so they can be whole again, and move on. It tends to be hard, and is sometimes a slow, difficult process; it's why some people are never fully committed in anything that requires their emotions to be strong... they fear losing what they put into it.

I don't think you are dead inside. I think you have simply put too much of yourself into those loves you have had and lost, and now are spread out too thin to feel alive like you used to. You haven't given yourself time to regather that which makes you *you*, and so you feel as if there's nothing there *of* you.

Give yourself time to regain all of what makes you the person you remember being. Not the person who was connected to this or that person, but the person you have always been, even before you ever had anyone to share yourself with. i find it's always best to remember that person, so you have something to reshape yourself into if things go badly for you. *hugs gently* Good luck in your efforts, and take care.