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Doubting myself.
11 years ago
I really don't think I was meant to be anything near an artist.
Honestly, I look back at what I've done and now I feel like I'm nowhere close to what I've wanted to do. I'm not even part of an artistic career and yet I just try too hard to look like I know what I'm doing. Yet the truth is that I really don't.
I don't know anything about anatomy, colors, or anything. I don't have an artistic eye, nor am I even capable of making anything that's worth buying. I usually pass the time to draw, but now it just makes me depressed seeing how lately I haven't advanced on anything and I've just been drawing in the same style. The main problem is that I really feel like quitting in being an "artist" and just move on with the other little things I like to do. I'm a bad artist and a bad writer and I'm glad I never actually engaged in a real commission because that would have made me feel more like a fraud. I'm not creative, and I'm not artistic, all I know is how to draw foxes, and a few other animals while real artists know beyond that. I used to draw to express the little world I created, but now I'm just either dry of ideas, or I simply can't do it. It's something that's always tormenting me and will never leave me alone, that desire to have something that you had an idea of, but that you can't even do. I want to do everything myself, but I really just can't. I'm not saying that I'm sick of this fandom, I just feel like I'm a fake and that all that I've wanted to do this whole time was to belong somewhere. I;m just going to end it here because I feel like crying.
P.S. I'm scrapping the Silhouettes project. There's no way I can ever do it.
Honestly, I look back at what I've done and now I feel like I'm nowhere close to what I've wanted to do. I'm not even part of an artistic career and yet I just try too hard to look like I know what I'm doing. Yet the truth is that I really don't.
I don't know anything about anatomy, colors, or anything. I don't have an artistic eye, nor am I even capable of making anything that's worth buying. I usually pass the time to draw, but now it just makes me depressed seeing how lately I haven't advanced on anything and I've just been drawing in the same style. The main problem is that I really feel like quitting in being an "artist" and just move on with the other little things I like to do. I'm a bad artist and a bad writer and I'm glad I never actually engaged in a real commission because that would have made me feel more like a fraud. I'm not creative, and I'm not artistic, all I know is how to draw foxes, and a few other animals while real artists know beyond that. I used to draw to express the little world I created, but now I'm just either dry of ideas, or I simply can't do it. It's something that's always tormenting me and will never leave me alone, that desire to have something that you had an idea of, but that you can't even do. I want to do everything myself, but I really just can't. I'm not saying that I'm sick of this fandom, I just feel like I'm a fake and that all that I've wanted to do this whole time was to belong somewhere. I;m just going to end it here because I feel like crying.
P.S. I'm scrapping the Silhouettes project. There's no way I can ever do it.
You're talking also about "that desire to have something that you had an idea of," and I think learning how to let go of that is also important to growing as an artist. I have definitely had those feelings--knowing that my art will never look like how I see it in my head. But if we just accept that as a true thing, but not a bad thing, then we can be more patient with ourselves. We can let go of those ideas we fell in love with, and make room for new ones to be born.
Anyway, just wanted to say I know what you're going through, and I hope it turns out all right, and that you find what you're looking for. Good luck!!
haha you do awesome ferals! Do you need me to bite you so you realize it? I will!