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Life changes
11 years ago
Well to say the least things have been interesting. Lots of things that I want to change and lots of things that have changed. There has been a considerable amount of confusion going on in my head. Trying to work out exactly who I want to be and what I want to do with myself.
I have a general idea of what I want to be and where, but things take time and I am still trying to grasp that concept. Unfortunate as it may be I am usually the master of my own demise. Constantly not satisfied with where and who I am, which leads to drastic and usually foolhardy decisions. Time and time again it was my hastiness has put my own life in some situations in peril. That isn't to mention the countless times I have left good friends and welcoming homes, because I was too hasty or impatient to wait it out and get everything squared away.
There are countless friends who I could have not lost contact with, or was too stuborn with and now they are lost to me. People who are good and wonderful friends who would sooner have nothing to do with me ever again, let alone want to ever hear my name again. For that I feel horrible, but that is the past.
I feel that it is time for a new leaf to be turned in my life. To take myself down to my core and build upon it. Instead of falling back in the same vicious cycle of self hatred and self harmful actions. The start of that is going to be changing up my daily experiences. I have already started looking for good hiking and camping spots near Denver. Reasoning behind this being that I need to have something that is cheap after the first initial expenses, of getting the gear and kit.
I have been feeling a lot better recently, and it can only get better. Making sure to keep my spirits up and my energy clean is crutial. That is another thing, I am going to be delving back into my spirituality. I have let go of a lot that I held dear to please people I was living with. That is the next thing to change. I have 9 months left on my current lease. Near the end of that I am going to be looking for a new place to live. Be it in Colorado, or in another state that doesn't matter the move and living situations will change.
This is just beginning, my life will be moved to change for the better.
I have a general idea of what I want to be and where, but things take time and I am still trying to grasp that concept. Unfortunate as it may be I am usually the master of my own demise. Constantly not satisfied with where and who I am, which leads to drastic and usually foolhardy decisions. Time and time again it was my hastiness has put my own life in some situations in peril. That isn't to mention the countless times I have left good friends and welcoming homes, because I was too hasty or impatient to wait it out and get everything squared away.
There are countless friends who I could have not lost contact with, or was too stuborn with and now they are lost to me. People who are good and wonderful friends who would sooner have nothing to do with me ever again, let alone want to ever hear my name again. For that I feel horrible, but that is the past.
I feel that it is time for a new leaf to be turned in my life. To take myself down to my core and build upon it. Instead of falling back in the same vicious cycle of self hatred and self harmful actions. The start of that is going to be changing up my daily experiences. I have already started looking for good hiking and camping spots near Denver. Reasoning behind this being that I need to have something that is cheap after the first initial expenses, of getting the gear and kit.
I have been feeling a lot better recently, and it can only get better. Making sure to keep my spirits up and my energy clean is crutial. That is another thing, I am going to be delving back into my spirituality. I have let go of a lot that I held dear to please people I was living with. That is the next thing to change. I have 9 months left on my current lease. Near the end of that I am going to be looking for a new place to live. Be it in Colorado, or in another state that doesn't matter the move and living situations will change.
This is just beginning, my life will be moved to change for the better.
