The past little while has been hard, and I've, unfortunately, made little progress in not complaining about it. While I know in my mind that breaking habits is difficult for anyone, I also know that inevitably you have to. Habits aren't always bad of course, but anything that ends up harmful to yourself or others isn't a habit you want to have.

I've tried a lot of different ideas and strategies. I decided at one point that happiness was just a state of mind, that I could embrace that, but sadly that's a little beyond my reach at this point. I decided that my problems weren't any worse or better than anyone else's, which while true, still doesn't break the habit of anger and brooding. But I think that what I've discovered through all this, from all these attempts, from all these failures, from all the depression, from the PTSD, from the paranoia, etc., etc., is that anger may very well be the worst habit of all, and the root cause of so many others.

Anger is a rather simple emotion. It's something that so many of us have, focus on, or brood on. People are angry at me, and I've been angry at a lot of people. But really, at the end of the day, what does it accomplish? What worth is there in anger?

I can be angry all day that I can't walk, or that I'm not getting more donations, or that Furry A got a free commission and I didn't. It doesn't matter how big or small the issue is, what matters it that it's... rather senseless.

Are there dietary and exercise decisions I could have made earlier on that could have helped mitigate these conditions? Probably.

Is the guy who raped me at nine, the boyfriend that raped/abused me in college, the way I was treated there, and so many other unfortunate incidents the reason I have night terrors? Almost definitely.

Are the people that I've wronged in the past and who are ignoring me to this day, so much so that apologizing seems inappropriate at this juncture, in the right? Yes, but I can't change their mind about me and what I've learned.

Is every troll or person who has spoke ill of me or down to me worthy of my ire? Some would say so.

Is it unfair that some people can get money at the snap of a finger and fix all their problems, not having to worry about the consequences, while so many others suffer? Yes.

But I can't fix the past.

I can't fix any of that.

And at the end of the day, why should I be angry about any of it? No one is totally morally reprehensible, and no one is totally good. The same applies to situations, experiences, realities, favoritism, popularity, or anything else.

What really matters, what REALLY and truly matters, is that we forgive everything. We forgive ourselves, first, for being angry. We forgive others who are angry. We forgive an unfair world that feels awfully angry. We forget anger, we move on, we forge forward.

Your mind, your heart, and your soul aren't worth the energy and pain that anger can cause, no matter how legitimately founded it may be. So this is me, releasing my anger, and moving on.

If I have wronged you, I'm sorry.
If you have wronged me, I forgive you.
If you don't care, I still love you because you're human and you deserve to be loved.
If you don't like me that's fine, because not everyone has to like me.
If you love me and have stayed with me, then I'm eternally grateful and will always cherish you, even if I always don't know how to show it properly.

Farewell, anger. You have no place in my life anymore.