FA+
Shop
Personal Revelations
11 years ago
General
After a lot of introspection, I've come to a conclusion. I am a better friend to the people I know than they are back. I know this sounds like I'm a little full of myself, and I guess I sorta am. Let me explain:
Every morning, I get up and check my email/messengers to see if someone left me any messages overnight. If they did, I respond right away. Then, to a select few (you likely know who you are), I send general messages of greeting to, so that they feel appreciated. Throughout the day, depending on what I have going on in my life, I make an effort to contact several of my friends at least once each. I have been following this routine more or less constantly for the last three years. If someone asks me for a favor, I try to oblige them, and I rarely ask for any compensation. I virtually NEVER call in the favors accrued this way. If someone has a complaint about something I've done, or some way I've acted, I apologize and ask how I can change (even if I meant exactly what I said or did). I genuinely care about those I communicate with, I show interest in their lives, want to know their thoughts on various topics. I try to be an integral part of their lives, even if just a small part.
I'm tired of it.
I have realized that, in my entire ten year online life, I can think of only a single person who messaged me without my first contacting them. I end up offering my thoughts and opinions without being asked, often to deaf ears, or non-answers (aww *pets* is NOT an answer, it's a way to pawn me off without seeming like you don't care). I'm convinced that nobody would notice if I suddenly vanished from the internet without a trace. The way people act to me, I've found out that I need my friends far, far more than they need me.
I don't want to be the nice guy that everybody knows, but never stop to get to REALLY know. I'm learning the hard way that nice guys really DO finish last. I want someone to care about me the same way that I care about everyone. Someone who would notice if I missed a day talking to them, who would go out of their way to find a way to contact me. Someone who would make me feel like more than a chatbot.
I'm not leaving the internet. My whole life is here, and I don't think I could start again. Just . . . don't expect me to be all that cheerful for awhile.
TL;DR: Canadian patience and forgiveness has a limit, and I'm approaching it fast.
Every morning, I get up and check my email/messengers to see if someone left me any messages overnight. If they did, I respond right away. Then, to a select few (you likely know who you are), I send general messages of greeting to, so that they feel appreciated. Throughout the day, depending on what I have going on in my life, I make an effort to contact several of my friends at least once each. I have been following this routine more or less constantly for the last three years. If someone asks me for a favor, I try to oblige them, and I rarely ask for any compensation. I virtually NEVER call in the favors accrued this way. If someone has a complaint about something I've done, or some way I've acted, I apologize and ask how I can change (even if I meant exactly what I said or did). I genuinely care about those I communicate with, I show interest in their lives, want to know their thoughts on various topics. I try to be an integral part of their lives, even if just a small part.
I'm tired of it.
I have realized that, in my entire ten year online life, I can think of only a single person who messaged me without my first contacting them. I end up offering my thoughts and opinions without being asked, often to deaf ears, or non-answers (aww *pets* is NOT an answer, it's a way to pawn me off without seeming like you don't care). I'm convinced that nobody would notice if I suddenly vanished from the internet without a trace. The way people act to me, I've found out that I need my friends far, far more than they need me.
I don't want to be the nice guy that everybody knows, but never stop to get to REALLY know. I'm learning the hard way that nice guys really DO finish last. I want someone to care about me the same way that I care about everyone. Someone who would notice if I missed a day talking to them, who would go out of their way to find a way to contact me. Someone who would make me feel like more than a chatbot.
I'm not leaving the internet. My whole life is here, and I don't think I could start again. Just . . . don't expect me to be all that cheerful for awhile.
TL;DR: Canadian patience and forgiveness has a limit, and I'm approaching it fast.
My advice, dont change for the world. you are one of the nicest persons i have met in our peer circle. and one with the most honest personality. but look around you. consider the words many people say, and who it benifets, your make a point to say hi and hang out to make them feel good. but when you need that reinforcement. its gone. pawned off as something then what it really is. no one likes honesty. no one likes to come face to face with some one who actually wants to help people who dont want or know how to help themselves inspite of there opinions or actions. which in all likely are self serving and doesnt include anyone else outside there bubble.
hugs. im always around if you want to bounce these thoughts around.