While this won't come as much of a shock to those who view our lives from a pessimistic view point, we are moving again. Although this time there are several important reasons that it has to be done, most of which involve money and accessibility. As it currently stands we can't afford bare essentials like toilet paper, hygiene products, and the like, and since my seizures aren't under control my license is soon to be revoked. We are, figuratively speaking, up shit creek without a paddle regardless of what we do, but this at least puts us in a position to have a little money with which to buy hygiene related products in the interim, and in a place where we can access efficient and widely used mass transit, live on flat terrain where mobility will be somewhat less of an issue, and be within walking distance of every possible place we need to access to complete our daily errands.

We tried, as valiantly as we could, to accomplish several things. We wanted to keep our temporary room mate safe, but thankfully they decided, long before this, to move in with their partner. While timing is now becoming an issue due to unforeseen circumstances, we can only hope for the best. We also tried very hard to survive and make this work because we had a potential room mate for the future that was going to come, find a job, and help contribute. Unfortunately, for both us and them, waiting a moment longer just isn't conceivable or wise. While we've had a small handful of individuals give generously of themselves to help, our financial issues run very deep and will for some time.

So with all of that said we found a cheap place in downtown Portland. The downside is that it is a studio (less than 300 sq. ft. in size), which while fine for Lucca and I, makes it impossible to get a room mate or keep aforementioned future room mate. As a result we are giving away greater than nine tenths of our possessions in an earnest hope to fit what we keep into the Subaru which we will then subsequently store after unloading. Ironically, the cost of storing it is significantly cheaper than using it, particularly when you live in the heart of a city with few affordable parking options. Besides that, Lucca isn't able to drive and with my license being revoked, well... that's life I suppose.

At any rate, we will have a Japanese style floor futon at move in; tons of boxes and things to just sit in the corner and look pretty. We won't have anywhere to sit, per say, but I guess the wheelchair I got can now serve a dual purpose. I just sincerely hope that, at some juncture, something breaks and we're able to afford some much needed cheap storage and maybe a reclining love seat if we're lucky.

So yeah, that's about it. This move is definitely bittersweet. I've wanted to return to Portland for many years but never expected to do so in this physical condition. I also hoped, sincerely, that when we moved here we had found a place/town that we could reside in for quite some time. I guess that there are some battles best lost, and all you can do at the end of the day is hope for the best.

This news is going to upset several people, and I wish it didn't have to. For those people, all I can really say is that it's hard to explain what it's like to be 28 and falling apart. It's hard to be a "man" who, society tells you, is supposed to take care of his partner. I've failed in almost every regard, and that failure seems to perpetuate itself on a daily basis. All I ask is, please, out of respect for how much this hurts and how little I want to be moving under these exact circumstances, that you not say anything negative. That would truly be a blessing.

At this point I just ask that you all wish me luck at my doctor's appointment tomorrow. If she isn't willing to sign off on the form for me to become an "Honored Citizen" for Portland's Trimet program, or if she isn't willing to write a note to our present apartment complex about why moving would be beneficial in accomplishing several aims, then we're not going to be able to ever afford to take a bus or pay off our lease break fee which is rather exorbitant. If those two things can just go okay, maybe I can just treat this like an adventure and go on with my life.

Love you all,
Libby

P.S. We won't be online from May 30th until later in the day on June 1st.