I have a very destructive and dangerous fury. Unless I actively control myself, I generally completely skip standard anger and jump straight to a Black Rage, which in turn becomes physically dangerous for myself and anyone close to me when that happens. Thus I have taken the last 18 years of my life to learn how to control my anger and have, successfully, managed to suppress the majority of it. This is not to say I do not get angry, but more that I've learned to keep it within the bounds of irritation and possibly a little moodiness at times.

I am male and while I believe that getting angry is a way of expression and hold nothing against the emotion, I've come to the conclusion that anger is not something that I can allow myself to explore.

*nods* Why I couldn't help but mention the "individual variance" thing and how well people handle emotions (or conversely, how strongly emotions affect them), because of things like this. I wonder why, though, you have such a violent temper? My fiance actually also has a pretty notable temper (not violent, but... hair-trigger), but I think I know the reasons for it, to do with his family dynamics and such growing up.

Me? It makes sense that I'm passive/submissive and avoidant and don't deal well with anger/conflict, I was totally pampered/spoiled and sort of encouraged to be a "mamma's girl" for a long, long time. In fact, when I eventually tried to get away from my mom, she got hostile quick :b >_O But yeah, anger was only ever expressed in, like, furious rants and rages :S So I guess maybe it scared me and taught anger is to be suppressed.... UNTIL IT'S TOO MUCH D:

Obviously a having furious temper or over-bottling anger are both kinda bad :( Glad to hear it's not so much a problem for you, though! The scariest is when you come across someone who finds those black parts of themselves, and do all they can to bring it OUT :S

I've never been terribly 'popular' in my life and my school career was one of fear and violence (Bullies) as is the story for many of the people anymore. My anger surfaced in Elementary school and was instant fire and brimstone from the start. It was, I think, a defensive mechanism against the people that were tormenting me. "If they are going to try and hurt me, I'll hurt them first and bad enough that they will never think about hurting me again."

This went on until about 14 years old when I nearly killed a kid for launching a rock at the back of my head. Therapy, Medications, and a great deal of soul searching began my journey to what I am today at 32. I have since removed myself from all medications and therapy (As they were just a catalyst to the beginning of change) and continue to 'meditate' on my life and my goals toward keeping that darkness from ever making me lose control again.

*nods* That definitely makes sense then. Sort of a "If I make a terrifying enough threat display by getting angry at the slightest danger, things will be better for me" response.

Heh, I actually think there's a good deal of merit in the "Well, if we're going to fight and I can't avoid it... I'm going to hit first, and hit hard, and really, really make it count." If you can't avoid conflict, may as well do it as quickly and cleanly as possible. If you can finish it in one, fell swoop? Better than like a 15 minute ordeal.

I can see how that gets out of hand, though, and how it could have led to bad places if you weren't challenged to stop and consider what you were doing. It's awesome to think that, yeah, maybe shitty people did some damage to me when I was younger that I have to now deal with, but that you can actually FIX that damage over time :) And it's trite, but what doesn't kill you really can make you stronger - all other things being equal, you would now have an edge over someone who never had to learn that kind of emotional self-control because they never got that angry.

For me, these days, it's sheer intimidation factor. I'm 6'3" 280lbs (190.5cm 127kg) It's not intentional... I'm just a BIG guy... So it serves as a deterrent anymore. So it's become easier to control and only let little snippets of this anger out. There have been times in recent memory that I've allowed myself to get angry and had the ability to keep myself under control. So things have gotten considerably better over nearly two decades of "practice".

For anyone suffering uncontrollable anger, it just takes force of will and presence of mind to overcome it. You have to believe, wholeheartedly, that your anger is bringing nothing but pain and you have to completely give yourself over to expunging your mind and soul of that taint. It's not easy, nor is it fast... But it is possible.

"I'm just a BIG guy... So it serves as a deterrent"

It really, really does. Coming from a 5'1" female, this can have a huge subconscious effect on how people approach you. Someone is MUCH more willing to come up to my face and say they have a problem with me - they are far LESS likely to do that to you. Just straight out. The only exception is if you're a really big guy who absolutely screams "I'm insecure and not confident!", which also has a huge subconscious effect on other people.

"it just takes force of will and presence of mind to overcome it. . You have to believe, wholeheartedly,"

:) That applies to a lot of things, actually! There's a ton to be said for the power of mind, and not just in a wishy-washy self-help book sort of way; there's a good deal of studies showing that a person's mindset, optimism and beliefs have huge effects on their ability to actualize things in a positive way.

I'm ftm/genderfluid and identify as mostly male. As to your question on personal views of whether anger is a negative, neutral, or otherwise emotion - I see anger differently depending on WHY I am angry! If I'm angry at something that I have the power to change, I'm going to use that anger as fuel. If I'm angry because of something I can't change, or something that I don't have control over it is a very negative and disheartening experience.

Another thing to think about is culture plays a lot into how one expresses emotions. I'm Hispanic, and that definitely plays into how I view emotions and what is a 'masculine' or 'feminine' thing, and what is and is not acceptable culturally to display.

"If I'm angry at something that I have the power to change, I'm going to use that anger as fuel. If I'm angry because of something I can't change, or something that I don't have control over it is a very negative and disheartening experience."

That's actually really similar to how my fiance sees it. Anger is constructive, a driving force for change that will benefit you (necessity the mother of invention, and sometimes anger :V haha), but if it's not something you can change or control? Then it's just a bad, useless feeling. He kind of sees anger as the constructive side of depression/sadness - one side results in doing nothing, while the other can actually motivate positive change.

Like, it obviously makes total sense to me. Just, still? Anger = bad for me XD I don't seem to really know how to use it constructively :b I just sort of turn into an angry bitch that makes other people angry and inevitably make myself feel worse :b XD So I do my best to NOT get angry if I can help it :b

"culture plays a lot into how one expresses emotions."

I totally forgot about that! Something I knew, too :b But yeah, it's true. Some cultures are very repressed, polite, formal on the outside/in general public. Others are taught to be very expressive and forward.

Anger disturbs the equanimity of the mind as intense emotions tend to do. Acting on anger or speaking in anger will reflect that loss of clarity and reason. It is possible to hold to one's reason when anger is present, but keeping away the thought patterns that lead to anger is easier. Acting from a grounded, centered place will get much better results in dealing with anything or anyone, as far as I've observed in myself and others.

That's about all I've got!

Heh, wow. Very, very "earth" of you :)

As far as the four elements go, I've always sort of "aspired" to be more "earth"like, it's so zen and, well, "grounded", haha. The stability and soundness appeals to me. And for a long time, I identified with it most out of the four elements until I met my fiance, who is WAY more "earth" than me and makes me look like fire in comparison, haha. ((I've been told that "water" suits me better.))

"It is possible to hold to one's reason when anger is present, but keeping away the thought patterns that lead to anger is easier."

Agreed, unless a person is very, very practiced at using anger reasonably AND would like to benefit still from the emotional fuel and the social influences it can have. Sort of a difficult "have your cake and eat it too" sort of situation for a lot of people, though, I'd imagine. So still would opt for "avoiding" getting angry than "letting yourself get angry" - ideally, you can identify that you're angry and have something to get angry about, analyze what and what needs to be done, verify that it does indeed warrant a corrective effort, and then do it. You benefit from the motivation of anger without dealing with the far less rational temper/fury of anger, and as you said, makes it easier to get better results.

I'm definitely an earth-element sort of person; more Taoist than Zen, but more Hindu than Taoist. That aside, I agree with your point, I have seen people wield anger properly, but I personally have a history of raging out and I find it completely draining. I personally use the mantra "RAM (or Rama)" as a trigger to keep centered when intense emotions are present and I've found it extremely helpful.

That's cool :) (The mantra, not the exhausting outbursts!)

Hm, interesting. I had a conversation about something related to this just yesterday... First off, I'm female, and I don't get angry very often. But when I do, I don't try to avoid but work or think through it. I don't think it's a useless or destructive emotion (though it may depend on why or at what you're angry). I never break stuff out of anger, I usually just sit there quietly seething, or at the worst snap at some unfortunate soul that came near. So for me, anger has never been a problem.
Of course I don't like being angry and that's why I think through or talk about it... It provides me with insight on my own character and personality development.

*nods* I agree, it's always useful to reflect on one's emotions and figure out why it's really there, and if it's important or sensible or not. However, for whatever reason, anger doesn't work well for me :S I'm great at self-control and self-awareness in every other aspect for the most part, but anger is like a blindspot in my control/rationality. If I had emotional superpowers, it'd be my kryptonite XD Not that it destroys me or anything, but I just can't control or think through it nearly as easily as any other for some reason o_O

I'm genderfluid with a preference toward female, which is what I was born and raised as. I find anger to be a completely negative emotion for myself. It holds me back from properly communicating and often results in destructive behavior. However, I feel that anger can certainly be a useful tool. For example, if someone does something absolutely horrible and illegal and a video is posted online, people will be outraged and demand justice. This can lead to the arrest of the perpetrator. No one is outraged when you download a song, so no one tattles. I would certainly report something illegal that really made me angry, but generally, I do not wish to feel anger. It deteriorates my friendships, and makes it harder for me to maintain civil contact with those I am not friends with, but am angry at.

People are talking about their type of anger, so I'll mention mine. I'm generally easy going, but very quick to anger about certain topics. Once you find what makes me angry, it's incredibly easy to do so. I act irrationally when angry, often getting into a heated argument over a misunderstanding, or completely avoiding the issue and running away. I'm not very good at dissipating my anger, either. Once the conflict has been resolved, there's still a rift that could ruin my day, or even that friendship. I really, really, really dislike being angry. It has lasting effects on me.

"I'm generally easy going, but... I act irrationally when angry, often getting into a heated argument over a misunderstanding, or completely avoiding the issue and running away. I'm not very good at dissipating my anger, either. I really, really, really dislike being angry. "

This is pretty much me, exactly >_> Haha, so I know how you feel! I'm sure it's impacted us both in different ways, but it certainly sounds familiar :b

But yes, anger is definitely useful, I (or we, perhaps, in this case) just sometimes find it difficult to keep it constructive >_>

Yes, exactly! Maybe i should've said that it can be useful for everyone who knows how to utilize it. I, personally, am horribly crippled by my anger. It only does me harm. Maybe one day I can learn to use it for good!

*chuckles* I knew this one person, once. She'd go to these fairly impressive lengths to seek revenge on people she felt had wronged her, even though this sometimes turned into her just being an outrageous crazy bitch to people who didn't necessarily deserve it - I always sort of lamented, "If only she used her powers for good instead of evil!" She put a lot of time and creative effort into it :b It just strikes me as a shame it was for something like stalking exes with elaborate fake personas instead of writing a cool story or something :b

I am female, but like you, far from feminine. I still identify as female though. Well, to an extent. I use that term to describe myself in a way most others would understand, but I wouldn't be bothered if someone mistook me for something else. I think you could reflect on my answer on your last journal as to why. =P It is what it is. Chill.

I often display my anger and vent it openly, but I wouldn't say I embrace it. I do not hold onto it to use it to motivate me. I feel that's an awful way to be motivated. I'd rather be motivated by love and desire, not a bitterness. Although, there are times when it's a good motivator, as in "I hate where I am in life right now, so let's use this fed up-ness to get myself a better job/through school/search for a new apartment."

I do have some sadist in me, and in the past, if I got angry, that side would come out with no remorse or conscious afterwards. Now, I'm much more laid back. I get irritated far less, and when I'm angry, I more often focus on why I'm angry. I recognize anger is a secondary emotion, so I'm more focused to find out what the primary emotion is and if it's rational. My personality type is INTP which I believe plays a big part in this.

"I wouldn't say I embrace it. I do not hold onto it"

I really think that's for the best, especially if that study is any indication. It's good to get it out, and not hold onto it. Grudges and the resultant leak-out of passive aggressive tendencies (especially to those who are "innocent" or undeserving) are just bad :b It's different if you're actually trying to use it to problem-solve, in the case of "I hate where I'm in life right now so let's use anger to fix it."

I've never been one to hold a judge. The anger would just flare up and then dissipate. And when I say I display it & vent, I mean in a healthy way to someone I trust. Just to be clear. No lashing out or the like.

I find a lot of people are bad with confrontation. Like, super bad. I'm not one of those people so if someone is irritating me, I can often address it. My view is we'd be better off with you unknowingly irritating me and me being upset about it, or vice versa, which is why I tend to just be upfront on how I feel about things with people. Beating around the bush to something is the absolute worst pet peeve of mine, I think. Hehe. So no passiveness here, unless it's with someone who I've tried to express things to in the past but gave up on doing it again.

"I find a lot of people are bad with confrontation. Like, super bad."

That's me :x

"Beating around the bush to something is the absolute worst pet peeve of mine, I think."

Haha, and for good reason, I think! Why I tend to prefer the "male" approach to a lot of things - if possible, be upfront and direct. I just fail in the confrontation department :b If we're just having a calm discussion, I'm fine with giving my opinion or disagreeing with people, but if I sense any anger or hostility or defensiveness, it can really throw me off. I'll either get really pussy-footed, or prickly, or unintentionally passive aggressive (trying to remain calm but hostility at being attacked still coming through)

I am a male, I have a serious cyclothymia so Im angry really often. I was born, raised and still feel like a male, I'm really not LGBT-friendly. Personally anger gives me energy, motivation to do something so it means that anger helps me to start doing something. I see anger as an useful emotion because you can use it too when you have to kick some asshole in the head

*nods* Anger was sort of designed exactly that, for overcoming problems aggressively.

Im all about that silent rage. i get mad, i get quiet and i throw myself into an art project. everyone in my family knows not to come near me if I'm quiet and crafty. but if my craft fails i fly into a full red blooded fury and i have to go for at least a mile long walk usually in the dark of hopefully in the snow. I'm female born and raised and i know im not SUPPOSED to get so mad but letting it out feels good. soooo much better than being a lady.

Oh dear, sounds like quite the ordeal :b Although I wish getting angry felt as good and therapeutic for me! I just... can't o_O

As a side note, with regards to the gender thing...

I am female. I am not trans-gendered. But I typically possess/identify a lot more with masculine traits than feminine ones. Styles of socializing, problem-solving, that sort of thing. Plus I'm missing a lot of "girly" traits like being into makeup, shopping, fashion, and celebrity/pop culture stuff. But anger? I DEFINITELY am on the "feminine" side of things.

... on the other hand, I have a male friend who is sort of the mirror image of me. Male, not-transgendered, but typically possesses/identifies with a lot more female traits than male ones. He, however, definitely has a female take on anger, as opposed to male, which I find interesting.

For my family, anger is VERY destructive and anti-productive. It makes people irrational, violent, unproductive and has been the cause of many problems. I avoid it like the plague, whenever I get angry I try to shut myself away and do something to abate it. At work this showed its head more times than I liked and ultimately I left because they pushed me that far. Anger is a highly dangerous emotion, though it ultimately is the result of something upsetting you and even though you try to deal with it, there's only so much one can take before they break. When you realize you're near that breaking point you need to cast the source of it aside.

I am a black male, those two words alone conjure up a lot of images of anger and violence. Thus I try my hardest to avoid that stereotype.

" It makes people irrational, violent, unproductive and has been the cause of many problems."

It certainly can, and definitely applies to me (okay, not so much the violent part, at least, not in the normal sense of the word), and similarly drives me to want to avoid it (besides the fact that it just feels extremely unpleasant for me). As for the "black male" comment, anger and violence is actually not something I would associate with that group! Maybe because I'm not American? :b The most common targets of racism around here (west coast of Canada, just north of Seattle) would probably be Asians (who are practically the majority), East Indians, and Native Americans. Black people are actually a bit rarer, and I admittedly will sometimes find myself staring at them >_>; Like, the reeeeaaally black-skinned ones, but mostly just 'cause I think they look kinda cool/exotic :b >_>

That likely is because you're in Canada; the U.S. prison population, the largest in the world, also has a disproportionate amount of minorities of black and latino descent. It doesn't help that a lot of them grew up in rough neighborhoods that had an equally rough history. If you listened to the lyrics of a lot of popular rap songs (freaking hate rap, hip hop's another genre and often good) they have 3 things in common; sex, drugs and violence, often in overblown proportions.

*nods* I know. African and Latino Americans have it pretty hard in the States, even now.

As for rap, I don't actually directly associate it with any race (even though I know the common stereotype is black, given the historical roots of rap) but... yeah. It's a shame - rap can be actually quite impressive, lyrically, and message-wise. Just isn't done as often anymore.

I am a male, I typically avoid anger unless they promote me to do so, and I hate it when my family does it first. My mom finds a way to get me mad, like she does it intentionally, I avoid her drama, and not talk to her. Not even acknowleding her, she then flips a lid saying, "Why are you not talking to me?"

Thats when I get mad, like they are completely oblivious on why I dont talk to others when they are so into themselves. I guess Im a humble person..I try to teach that to my family but they dont seem to understand how it works. It irritates me on why they have to be like that. So yes.

Though if its problematic I actually address it in a civilized more tolerant manner. If they cant respect my opinion; then why even bother to confront a closed minded person? Dunno.

" I hate it when my family does it first."

I find family tends to be one of the biggest triggers for people - me and my fiance are the same :b Maybe is there someway to convey "I don't want to talk to you right now" more clearly without being drawn into a huge debate? Like, with my fiance, we have a standing understanding that if we say "nothing" when asked if something's bothering us when we CLEARLY are upset by something, it means we don't want to talk about it right now for whatever reason, and to please don't press the issue at the moment. :b Try again later!

"If they cant respect my opinion; then why even bother to confront a closed minded person?"

Why closed-minded people will ask for opinions seems to be they just want to hear agreement or praise. But yes, typically a closed-minded person is like that because they choose to be, not because they're actually stupid or never been exposed to other ideas before, so often there's little point in getting into a discussion with them.

Male, when I fail to see why something is not working or fail to understand a problem I get angry. Then I get sad for becoming angry. Then I get angrier for becoming sad. Which starts a vicious circle, that ends with me breaking something (when alone and out of ear shot). Nothing valuable to me or anyone else but I may snap a pencil or throw a book at a wall. Then since I have released all my anger I am left feeling depressed.

Luckily for me I only get angry at things I have done/failed to do/allowed to have happen to me. I just get upset at things people do to me and it just stops there.

Wow, sounds pretty similar to my anger. I don't get angry very often, but when I do, it becomes a really similar cycle, so it's something I try to avoid since I seem unable to cope with it rationally :b

And yeah, like you, I usually just get annoyed or frustrated or upset. Not quite the same as real anger.

I am male and I view anger negatively because I feel it clouds my ability to think rationally and make good decisions. I actually explored and established my views based on my experience with video games. Anger and frustration when I'm playing a difficult game results in a negative spiral where I perform worse because my thinking is clouded which, in turn, makes me more frustrated which causes me to perform even worse.

Because of that kind of experience, I view anger negatively and instead of continuing to play or interact with whatever I'm angry with, I take a break or get some space to let my head cool before trying again.

"Anger and frustration when I'm playing a difficult game results in a negative spiral where I perform worse because my thinking is clouded which, in turn, makes me more frustrated which causes me to perform even worse."

Haha, I know what you mean. Was playing Dark Souls a while back, and there's a fine line between "good frustrated" and "bad frustrated" - as SOON as I cross it, I have to stop, otherwise I'll just get pissed off XD

But yeah, taking a break from whatever is aggravating you is almost always good :b

Unfortunately, taking a break only really works for inanimate objects. Taking breaks from people is much more difficult to do XD

*chuckles* I was actually just reading the other day a tip for couples - if you go for a walk when you find yourself getting angry, and go for the walk together, it should defuse the angry energy, refresh you, and help you relax, but because you do it together, it also helps keep your connection strong.

And I suppose you can always just walk out on friends XD We've done it before :b Have a friend who can get a bit over-the-top when he gets into arguments, and sometimes in the past we've had to just be like, "Uh... We're leaving now. See ya." Hasn't happened for a long while, though, so maybe it's helped XD

Now first of all, thank you for posting something that is interesting as opposed to the typical boring small talk journals people post about pointless things.

I think this is a very relevant topic, because primarily from a male point of view, emotions are seen as an obstacle to attain certain goals in life. A problem, or a defect. In extension of this, many are raised to hide their sorrows and concerns away, to maintain a strong image. However the emotions don't go away for that reason. They are expressed in a different way, and most commonly as anger.

I'm a guy, raised as a guy by a straight couple. I'm bisexual with a preference of female. My attitude is male and so on and so forth, so all in all, male. I am perfectly open minded towards any sexuality.

I see anger as a negative and very destructive emotion, both for your environment and the people in it, but primarily for yourself. Anger requires a vast amount of emotional energy and wears your sources out much faster than many other emotions. If you are able to divert your anger into a positive, constructive energy, then that is good, but then I won't call it anger anymore.

The definition of anger is the emotion of rage, when you feel very very...well angry about a given thing, the hairs in your neck rises, your blood is pumping etc. Anger is, in a way, to involve yourself with the conflict and as it is a negative emotion, it will only worsen the conflict. Anger can not be constructive, only destructive, because when you are angry, you are not able to think rational.

When you are able to turn that anger into a motivation, it is because you have an understanding that anger does not help anything. It is when you have come to realize, that anger won't do any good that you are able to let the anger down and turn to more constructive means, such as taking action in any way you can. That is not taking the energy from the anger, but to use your disagreement (in lack of a better word) with the subject of the conflict, along with an inspiration that you can benefit the creation of a potential solution to the problem. At this point, you have reached a deeper insight, both in how you work and in terms of the general means it takes to solve a conflict. Therefore you have moved beyond anger.

I don't think anyone should be ashamed of their anger, because it's an emotion we all get from time to time. What triggers it is different between us. This also depends on your interpretation of the factors that are involved in the situation, and what reason you have to interpret them the way you do.

example. If someone mentions me in a context that illustrates me as a submissive bottom (I know not best example in the world) I become quite angry. Other people may not become angry. This is because I have reason to see it as an assertion, because I relate the concept of a submissive bottom to maybe an old, bad memory from a situation in which I was involved, or because I have seen it used as an insult in another context and therefore feel it to be very degrading.
Others may like it because they have other associations with the concept of a submissive bottom.

Anger is a kind of primitive defense mechanism. In fact a state of stress that is supposed to prepare you for battle because you are threatened. I believe it is obvious to assume that anger is the state of defense that you enter when you are dealing with a threat that you can handle, and fear is the automated response you produce with a threat you can't handle, and need to escape.

So bottom line: Anger is a negative emotion and is purely destructive, and if you are capable of "turning it into a motivation" it is no longer anger. Then you have moved beyond anger, into constructive consideration and thereof follows action towards finding a solution.

I hope this makes sense despite lingual barriers. Of course these are just my observations and are not meant to harm anyone or work against their opinions. Because when your opinions are met by opposing ones, your initial response is anger in defense of your own opinions. :)

No, no, your English is quite good! I wish I were multiilingual, so I can hardly complain when others aren't good at my ONE language I know :b

I think maybe it's a bit unfair to call any positively channeled form of anger to be not-anger, but I know what you mean. In my personal experience, anger just doesn't have a constructive form for me, really, but I know some other people are very good at using their anger (or "anger"/not-anger, as it were) constructively. Just requires someone who can feel the emotion, but still think and act rationally at the same time :) I can usually do this for other negative emotions, just not anger for some reason o_O

"I believe it is obvious to assume that anger is the state of defense that you enter when you are dealing with a threat that you can handle, and fear is the automated response you produce with a threat you can't handle, and need to escape. "

Heh, "fight or flight" basically.

" Of course these are just my observations and are not meant to harm anyone or work against their opinions. Because when your opinions are met by opposing ones, your initial response is anger in defense of your own opinions. :)"

Hehe, of course! I like hearing other people's opinions, so long as they are stated politely :) Although I don't always feel angry if other people say something I disagree with, only if they do it "aggressively". Just out of curiosity, what would you call anger when you are able to use it constructively? Maybe there is a word you use that we don't have in English...?

You may be quite right about anger being constructive with the right control.

It reminded me of what the old french philosopher René Descartes once said: "I think, therefore I am" But the conscious dimension that is capable of observing the process of thinking, needs to be greater than the thinking itself. Therefore: "to be is more than thinking".

Another perspective on conscious dimensions is the search for something, say happiness. If you say "I want to be happy or find happiness" You automatically acknowledge that you aren't currently happy, and therefore create a space between your current state of mind, and the state of happiness. So as long as you're searching for happiness, you won't find it. "Seek and you shall not find". :p

As with Descartes: In the same way I think that you need to reach a higher conscious dimension in order to be able to observe your anger. You need to move above the anger to where you can get an overview and turn it into more than just the emotion, hence why I think it is no longer anger because it has moved past anger, so to speak. :)

However it may not be applicable in this relation, so it doesn't exclude the possibility that it is the energy from the anger that can be used constructively. If a person is still capable of thinking rationally and be constructive while being in the angry emotion, is it then the anger that provides the energy to the motivation, or is it merely anger management, that allows you to push it aside?

If you use the reasons that makes you angry to act upon. Say someone shot an animal so it was bleeding to death, and that really made you angry. Why? Because it's poor to the animal. And because it affects you with such intense emotion, it must be because you involve yourself greatly with the situation. It means a lot to you, and therefore you want to help the situation. In this scenario, the motivation to interfere, springs from the same source as your anger. However, anger and action still aren't quite the same, and I don't think they can be, because emotions are separate from cognitive processes as it is these, that triggers the emotion. In this case you could say that you are diverting the energy that goes into your anger and instead use it wisely.

But it is so with psychology that it's a huge and very dynamic part of our being, so all the options we have been through here, are likely to be plausible. :)

As for whether we have another term for anger when it's used constructively, I don't think we do. We also use the phrase to use anger in a constructive way. All I do is speculate, which is something I love to do. :D

Again thank you for bringing up an interesting topic that can be discussed. :)

Oh that actually became a bit confusing.

Let me sum it up. :)

Why do you become angry? Because you experience, see, hear or witness something that you think is wrong. Why is it wrong? Because you have been taught so (parents, environment, social convention etc). In other words, it's your moral that determines whether you should become angry or not.

So first you experience - interpret - evaluate on the basis of your moral - conclude. All these are cognitive processes meaning thinking, interpreting, memory etc. These all happen before any emotion arises whether it's conscious or subconscious, because otherwise, how could your anger be triggered? Spontaneously? This should prove (With all do respect, I may be wrong) that the cognitive processes are different from emotions, and therefore anger can't be constructive, as constructiveness is a process, not a value like an emotion. You become angry because the idea (element, situation, or what you wish to call it) has great moral value to you and because it has this high value, it also make you involve yourself much more, which is then the motivation.

How does this sound? Let me know what you think! :D

Am male and avoid anger at all costs. Anger only brings stress, and stress never really seems to have a positive effect on anyone. That said, I tend to get more frustrated than angry, and when I'm angry, it's best not to be on my bad side. I'm pretty much a pro at keeping my stress and frustration from making me angry. My coworkers, for example, piss me off royally, are lazy, and I have to clean up after them and get shat on by my supervisors because they know I will do it because I am "mature and dependable". But I only manage to hold a great dislike for them and people of their calibur.

If I were to legitimately get ANGRY "which has only ever happened once, toward my own brother (and it was something so petty), I go into a rage and won't stop until someone removes me. That said, once, and only once, has that happened.

That said, never have I performed better when stressed or frustrated, and probably wouldn't function in a work environment at all if angry.

Sure, anger can be a motivator for some, but it's never "positive", there will always be a negative side to it. Motivation at what cost? Stress? Raised blood pressure? Harm to others? Death?

Heh, I'm like you - I tend to get more frustrated or annoyed than angry most of the time. Maybe I'm using semantics unfairly, but I only really get angry about serious things or specific things I'm touchy about.

Your work situation sounds frustrating >_> Basically you're the safety net for your coworkers' crappy behaviour, and get basically that extra responsibility thrust upon you. Do you get in trouble if you don't "babysit"/clean up after them properly? That would be BS :b Probably enough to make me quit, if it happened enough.

" Motivation at what cost?"

I suppose anger is "more affordable" for some than others. I don't handle anger well, but my fiance, for instance, does. People who can remain calm, and keep their thoughts/actions rational, anger can be a pretty strong motivator at a seemingly negligible cost.

Stressful and useless. I like to analyze why something made me angry and what triggered it, though there are always going to be those things that will make me angry no matter how I analyze it cause it's usually caused by stupidity and greed of others.

*nods* It's definitely stressful, and in my personal experience pretty useless, too XD My fiance seems to disagree, however, hehe.

I'm a duuuuude!
Hmmm, anger. Depending on the cause, it could be positive or negative. For instance, if I don't get something right, I sometimes get angry. I use this anger as a type of encouragement to eventually get it right. But then there's a point where the anger would negatively impact that drive, and have the completely opposite, destructive effect.
As for anger in other aspects of life, generally negative. Especially when it involves relationships and people and so on. Nothing feels more horrible than being angry at someone you're fond of, then you get angry at yourself for and then the cycle starts, sending you down a terrible depressing spiral.

*nods* Even though typically it's pretty negative for me, really mild anger I find useful, almost fun. Like, ah, "Hahah, screw that, I'll show you!" spurred on to do better. But very quickly (especially if this is followed by repeated or particularly spectacular failure) this can go from fun to, as you said, having the completely opposite, destructive effect, where it's simply impossible to make a controlled, reasonable, rational effort again.

"Especially when it involves relationships and people and so on."

*nods* I find the only fair way to express anger is to NOT say anything, think it over really carefully, figure out what exactly you're mad at, then as calmly and fairly as possible, bring it up. If you just go around kneejerk yelling at your friends and loved ones... well, I think we know how that tends not to go well.

As for that terrible downward spiral? I get that with anger, too ;b I used to have it with the other negative emotions more, too, like depression and anxiety when I was younger, but now it's still just anger that foils me :b

(Male) I value calm above everything else. Anger is for me a negative emotion - one that can help you express your frustrations, but which is in essence something that will harm you and possibly the people around you. When angered, you say things you wish you didn't say, you do things you wish you didn't do - you're generally less effective at anything you're doing. I try to suppress anger whenever it comes; if I have the occasion, I'll usually let things cool off a bit before reacting to something that angered me (especially if it's someone else).

As opposed to stress, which I see as a neutral emotion. It's a double-edged sword; a source of energy that can be destructive if not harnessed properly - and doing so is far from easy.

Regarding gender-identity, I honestly have no clue what it's like to be female since I've been male since the day I was born ( :P ), so I can just say "I'm me". I view studies that say "Males think that way, females think that way" as nice indicators, but everyone is different; you can highlight a trend, but it doesn't mean everybody follows it. It can help understanding why someone reacted the way they did because it might make you consider a point of view you didn't see, but in general I'm against labelling people "you're male/female so you should behave like X". Just be yourself, let others be be themselves and don't step on anyone's feet.

"When angered, you say things you wish you didn't say, you do things you wish you didn't do - you're generally less effective at anything you're doing."

*nods* One might argue that "saying those things you didn't want to say" can be useful. Someone might beat around the bush or avoid/ignore a problematic issue, but if they get angry, it spurs them to actually say something about it (although maybe not in the most ideal manner).

But yes, I think unless someone is particularly good at thinking/acting rationally through anger, anger's going to be, just by nature, a kneejerk potentially dangerous emotion that can get out of control pretty easily.

As for the "being less effective" thing, I was thinking about it last night (after trying to gradually work my way through all these comments XD), and I think anger -can- be useful and helpful up to a point. In my head, I was calling this "early/mild" anger something else in my head, not counting it as anger, but I think that's unfair. I -can- get angry to a slight degree (annoyance) and be spurred on positively to focus even harder to overcome the problem. This seems to only apply to me to external, nonsocial problems that are fairly simple in nature, but still! Maybe I was being a bit unfair to anger, heh.

"I view studies that say "Males think that way, females think that way" as nice indicators, but everyone is different; you can highlight a trend, but it doesn't mean everybody follows it"

Definitely. Times a hundred. I love knowing psychological and sociological trends, but mostly as a way of understanding observed behaviour (or potentially trying to guess what I should most likely expect from people I don't know), not assuming people will behave a certain way. I was first introduced to this by reading the infamous "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", and if you know better than to read it as "All males are this, all females are this" and instead more like, "There are two main "styles" of behaviour, X and Y, and this is often why X is like X, and Y is like Y, and they also tend to correlate with sex or gender for varying reasons," I'd actually highly recommend it to, well, pretty much every young person as something to teach them about how differently and subtly people can work from each other. We're all TOLD other people are different, and most people understand this, but it can affect things in a way we don't always appreciate or understand until it's explained to us.

"in general I'm against labelling people "you're male/female so you should behave like X". Just be yourself, let others be be themselves and don't step on anyone's feet. "

Awesome rules for life. Goes back to the previous topic of group identity not defining you, but you defining group identities.

"Luckily, I only stay angry for a day or two, then I shrug it off."

Still seems like a long time to me :( Heck, being angry for an hour or two seems way too long to me! XD

"I suffer from PMDD"

Uuughh, that sucks. It makes me kind of angry (haha, although not the in the way we're talking about here) that, once a month for a few days, it's just outright harder to be in emotional control. It's inevitable - for a few days, hormones will try to fuck with you, and you've got to work harder to not be an immature bitch. Blah. Thankfully, I've always seemed pretty good at it, but... still!

I guess the tradeoff is that males need to deal with regular erections and powerful libidos (which is pretty similar to how PMS screws with women, just more specific) and how to handle them in social situations without coming off as a retarded pervert :V

"I'm just as protective when it comes to my friends. I'm more lax when it's hate directed at me; I don't tend to stand up for myself."

While it's not GOOD that one doesn't stand up for one's self, I can't help but think this personality trait to be cool. "Whatever, I can handle myself, bullies can try what they want, but, by god, no one fucks with my friends >8E"

"It's good to have a little anger, provided that it is constructive and justified when necessary."

For sure, although I find it difficult to say which one is more important! I suppose if it's not involving other people, then so long as its constructive then you benefit, even if your anger was maybe misdirected or more extreme than the situation called for. But if it involves other people in any way, then it's more important that the anger is justified - no one likes being treated unfairly or confronted with hostility when they don't deserve it. ((Okay, people don't like it when they DO deserve it, either, but that's not the point XD))

I find myself only truly being angry over injustices . things that I can't help from happening or little bad things during the day never tick me off as badly as being misunderstood or being told who I am by someone else. Other than that, just people being wronged or hurt make me angry. although I am impatient, it is very hard to get me legitimately angry. once I go there, although it is a negative feeling...it's also a very strong & righteous feeling, as I know my motivations for being upset are not bad/wrong. I view anger as a meter to tell me when something needs to change & or motivation. I am/was born female, but consider myself as sort of a balance of male/female traits, & or gender fluid.

*nods* I think I'm with you - I tend not to get so angry at people as much. It's more a temporary sense of being offended, annoyed, or frustrated, whereas something that will really IRK me that I can't get over as quickly is when something is outright "wrong." Someone is a horrible abusive dick but everyone thinks he's awesome and praises/loves that person - yeah, people being dicks is always bad and worth getting angry about, but the extra injustice is what will really bother me. I know better than to think people actually get what they deserve in life, but regardless, whenever it's broken, it still makes me angry.

Sort of a silly example: my fiance was doing an interactive story (kind of Choose Your Own Adventure) on an online forum and hosting the art using my deviantArt Stash. It was a part of a several year long tradition, had been done every year, and a lot of people enjoyed it. But someone discovered that the person hosting his images did furry art by commission, so therefore HE'S A FURRY YIFF YIFF LOL U RAEP ANIMALS even though people clearly understood that he and I were different people. It was simply an outright excuse to shit all over the fun people were having, and the story had to be abandoned in the middle of it.

It's one thing if people legitimately hated the story, that's fine. It's another thing if he were actually a furry (I'm actually not, either - it was clear the art they were looking at was commissioned). And it's another thing if there was reason to believe we were actually zoophiles/fursuiters, which we're not. But they KNEW none of those were the case, and ruined the entire tradition for absolutely everyone. I don't care that they made fun of my furry art - I care that they were being stupid fucks that ruined a good thing for everyone just because they could, based on untrue information that was clearly untrue. I didn't get outright ANGRY, but it still bothers me on principal, even today :b

"it's also a very strong & righteous feeling, as I know my motivations for being upset are not bad/wrong."

That's good :) I wish my anger were that directed! I'm usually good at staying "good angry" at conceptual things, like injustice or whatever, but I often can't DO anything about them - I can get angry all I want, but I won't be able to solve the fact that the UAE does some fucked up shit, or that there's world hunger, for instance. But if I'm angry for an interpersonal/a personal sort of thing, and it's more serious than being really annoyed, I find it always ends up with me feeling completely terrible - I can't keep the angry healthy and focused; it just turns inward into anxiety or depression. Fortunately, though, it doesn't happen too often!

"I am/was born female, but consider myself as sort of a balance of male/female traits, & or gender fluid."

Sounds like you have a pretty healthy take on anger to me :)

Hmm, very thought provoking journal.

This is from the perspective of a born male, raised male, identifies male person :)

I see pros and cons to anger, though mostly cons. I've found that when I'm angry, like you, I just make everyone around me feel horrible and that leads to me feeling like garbage when I finally do calm down. Unfortunately I have a very quick, sharp temper and an acid tongue, it seems (trying to work on that better). Minor pro's, for me, are usually a bit stronger of a focus, but it almost becomes obsessive, to the point I won't give up on a task, even if I'm doing worse at it because I'm upset.

Overall ... not really worth getting really angry >.< Though I guess I let off some steam when I can vent about something a bit.

*nods* I find that the only way anger is constructive is if you can keep it under control. As soon as it starts controlling you instead, it becomes more of a liability than an aid :b

"it almost becomes obsessive, to the point I won't give up on a task, even if I'm doing worse at it because I'm upset."

That definitely sounds "male-typical" to me! Almost all my guy friends (except one I have who very much identifies instead with females) will obsessively work at a problem no matter how angry or trivial it is until it's solved :b "What's that quiet rattling sound in the car door?" *shrugs* "Does it matter?" "YES >8E" Haha.

HAHA. Yes, that does sound like something I'd do. Too much sweating the small stuff when it comes to things that are non-person related.

Not sure if you've noticed this trend, but I think that males tend to not ask questions (I.E. How are you? When's the baby due? Where were you going today?)) but will tear something apart and put it back together again just to figure out how it should work. The details they care about are not person related.

*chuckles* Somewhat. Speaking in general terms, males are physiologically less inclined to value social interactions for any inherent good, whereas women's brains actually tend to show activity in pleasure centres, just by talking. Doesn't have to be important, or what they're saying true - it just has to be social interaction, and it's much more likely to inherently "feel good" more for women than it does for men, physiologically/neurologically speaking. Guys instead seem more interested in problem-solving and achieving goals (I suppose a theoretically remnant of needing to provide for families/villages in prehistoric times, hunting prey, fighting off opponents, finding/building shelter, etc., whereas women were more about taking care of/raising young and ensuring homes ran smoothly in a general sense), so unless the talking is ACHIEVING something, they are often less interested :b

Really interesting convo here!!

I'm female, although I sometimes lean towards masculine traits, I identify as female

For me, anger has always been a negative. From my past and my family, it has always been seen as a negative, and for me, always will be somewhat of a negative! In our family, it can be VERY destructive also, so I actively try to suppress it whenever I am angry (which isn't often!)
I am angry very rarely as it really upsets my mate, and when I was younger it was very violent (towards walls/doors, not to her!!) and it would often lead to broken fingers or toes
But yeah... I can see some benefit, if you're working out or something, but overall I suppress it as much as I can

Oh dear, sorry to hear about the broken digits! Heh, my fiance used to have a habit of punching literal holes in things, but never broke anything. Then one day he got mad, punched a pillow (y'know, which is normally better than punching a wall or something) but one of our freeweights had fallen behind it, so he broke his hand on it XD Felt sort of bad, almost kind of punished for trying to be better about not punching stuff :b

I find anger to be very dangerous and destructive an I am female, I have learned it from personal experience from my dad, when he gets angry, you better stay out of his way and the worse problem is as he gets angry to quickly, the littlest thing can set him off. so no, I don't see anger as a very good thing.
I suppose anger could a good motive if you control it, focus it on what needs to be done or the person or something you are really angry at, but when it's out of control it can become a very dangerous thing that hurts everyone around you, even the ones you don't want to hurt.

"I have learned it from personal experience from my dad, when he gets angry, you better stay out of his way and the worse problem is as he gets angry to quickly, the littlest thing can set him off. so no, I don't see anger as a very good thing."

Strangely enough, my fiance's experience with his dad is similar, but nevertheless grew up seeing anger as a positive thing. I've always thought it neat/interesting how the same stimulus in people can have opposite effects.

"I suppose anger could a good motive if you control it, focus it on what needs to be done"

Yup, that's critical, really o_o If you don't... then anger kind of literally functions like a loose cannon :b More of a liability than a help!

yeah, I don't see anger as a positive thing because it can rub off into other family members as well, once my dad gets angry, my mom get angry and then i get really angry or depressed, so his ill-tempter is starting to show in me.
yeah, I know for personal experience what a loose cannon can be like too, so yeah, controlling it is very important.

Male, and I think it's very destructive.

However, the best way I can describe it is by giving an example: In one of my university seminars, a girl who was well known for getting angry sat down and cockily informed everyone that she had read an article recently, and angry people apparently live 2 years longer. I didn't respond at the time, but on reflection I am certain that, if there is any truth to that, it's in comparison with people who hold in their anger. I certainly do not think that repressing anger is healthy. I believe, instead, that we should try to work out why we get angry and avoid or resolve that situation, or find another way of resolving it.

Getting angry is natural, and repressing it is dangerous, but that doesn't mean that anger is good. Passion is good, and passion is a motivator, but anger... sorry to sound like a discount-Jedi here, but anger just blinds your judgement and makes you do stupid and irrational things.

Male:

I tend to embrace my anger, it's part of what saved me from a decade of depression, suddenly being able to "this far, and no further" was empowering beyond words. I'm not stupid about it, I avoid getting angry without a good reason, but I am very, very glad it is there to fall back on if I need it. For me anger is less "axeweilding barbarians" and more "me, just temporarily with ethical dilemmas suspended to acquire results"

"me, just temporarily with ethical dilemmas suspended to acquire results"

I love this statement.

Male, and for me it's definitely a negative thing.

My family on my dad's side comes from old Scottish berserker stock, so our anger tends to run hot. I had classes on learning to control it early on, and these days I tend to be easygoing unless I get frustrated... apaprent from that it takes a lot to set me off, but when it start boiling I feel like I want to smash stuff, claw it apart, rrip it's head off and roar out. I cna usually keep it at the frustration level though, but it's definitely not a positive for me, cause when I get angry, thigns nad people -know-.

What an awesome question!

Depending on the circumstances, I believe anger can either be helpful or hurtful, and one should always take great care in dealing with it.
I always try not to be angry. I don't like being angry because I get addicted to it. However, if I'm very focused on a task, and angry
because the task isn't playing out the way I'd like it to, my anger level rises, and fuels my desire to beat the obstacles and try harder
to achieve desired results.

On the other hand, if my anger level reaches a sort of 'breaking point', then my behavior would be typical of a person who is venting
some rage in a counter-productive, stupid manner.
I think a little anger might be good, but too much of it is very bad, and you should always allow yourself some time to cool off.
Unfortunately, I think that the more focused on a task you are, the harder it is to forget about for a while.
I am a male, and unfortunately, one of the things I get the most upset about are people, including myself. I try my hardest to do
everything right, and when I do something that I think is dumb or wrong, I get a little upset and remember not to do that next time.
I get upset at most other people because of things like rudeness, greed, ignorance, violence, etc., but there's not a whole lot I can
do to change that, so my cool-off time is just being alone. That is the one thing I wish I could change the most, but over the years
I have discovered that, as fate would have it, I cannot. In my opinion, it is a barbaric means of self-motivation at best.
Why can't I just be a cyborg with some cool furry features? I want solar panels in my butt so I can moon everyone to recharge.

Female who is female, that doesn't care about being female....

I am quite afraid of my anger. It is very dangerous to me and everyone around me.
It makes me feel sad. I can't just embrace my anger, it is a lot like fire. If I let it go,
then it spreads and destroys everything. I almost lost some very important people.
Art is one way that I keep myself in check, and now that I think about it, without
art, I would have had very little ways to keep myself calm, and I would have
probably acted upon it a lot more without such things to keep my mind at ease.

Though, when I was younger, I did let my anger steer me. It was power.
It was Power to keep away the A**holes who picked on me, who chased me,
who hated me. It became my shield and protection, and my best friend.
I was a lonely person because of it, but there were some who didn't mind that
I was so frightening. They were having people troubles too...
I only let my anger loose when need be, and these people needed friends like me.
We became great friends through out the years. (even though I knew they were kinda using me as a guard dog).
Like.. I even TRIED to deal with the bullies in several civil ways. It didn't frikken work.
So I punched them... in the face... and I didn't have a problem with that individual after that.

I don't need the use of my Anger's Power as much now that I have graduated Highschool.
The people who were A**holes to me are sitting somewhere after getting kicked out
of their parents houses, while I'm actually climbing the art latter making my dream a reality.
*And they all laughed at me back then. They laughed when I said I was going to
become a great artist. But where are they? Out on the streets? In Jail? (because I know one of them is.)
I don't need my anger as much anymore for Power and protection because I am no
longer trapped in an enclosed box of a school filled with idiots who think mentally torturing someone is fun.
And, I'm here making my dreams happen. I'm working my way to becoming a great artist
who can eat dinner every night! I CAN EAT DINNER EVERY NIGHT!!!
The real world is a different place. It's a lot bigger than a small high school.
There are lots of people, and not just any people, but people with the same
interests as me, people with the same opinions, and people with the same dreams.

Overall I say Anger is Negative.
In a lot of cases I've dealt with with angry people... over something stupid like a napkin...
There's just a lot of irrational thinking involved, Dangerous actions taken, and words that should not have been said.
Things that break a part a relationship, a family.... trust. It's sad, and Sad is an ugly emotion....

Firstly, I'm not someone, you want to make angry. I have a problem where if I manage to get mad enough I literally black out, and it's usually the other person that ends up bruised or severely scared of me. I don't know -why- I black out but yer. I've taken some self-discipline classes and joined karate in the past to help me learn how to control it, but yer, you don't want to make me angry. It's just very very difficult to do now which is a good thing.

As for me, anger is really not a good emotion. It makes me destructive clearly, and I don't find it productive. I mean everyone gets mad, but for me I'm very careful to try veryyy hard not to get angry because I can risk hurting someone, or myself.

i hate getting angry. it takes me away from everything i enjoy. what i've found though, is sometimes i have to allow myself to do so to be taken seriously.
i think we live in a culture that is messed up for that to be the case.

I'm female, and I was an extremely angry child. From a very young age I would go into these horrible bouts of rage and become very hurtful and violent. I was put in therapy around the age of seven or so, and while I don't remember much of it it seems to have helped, as I've had more control over it since then. Now, at 18, I still am very angry, that never changed. But I can manage it much better now, most of the time. I do so by trying to deflect and ignore it, and I try to avoid conflict at all costs. One thing that makes it much worse for me is that I have a really hard time dealing with my emotions, I believe I have some sort of borderline personality disorder or something of the like that makes it so that emotions hit me much harder than most people. Which is probably partly why I was so angry as a child. And, I dealt with that anger through violence... But once I learned that violence was not okay... I kind of lost any way to really deal with those negative emotions. So now, I have this really weird and annoying thing where if I get angry or frustrated, I'll start crying, and I think it's because those emotions need to release somehow. And then, I get really mad that I'm crying, because crying doesn't usually mean you're angry, and people try to comfort me or ask what's wrong with me, and I just don't like being emotional in the first place... so it tends to turn into this cycle of frustration, embarrassment and more frustration, which sends me into a rage. Soo yeah, it's a pretty negative thing for me XD

I absolutely feel for you. :c I also find myself in this predicament far more often than I should.

I read through some of these and am ready for my two cents.

I'm female, and physically straight, as in, I'm attracted physically to guys, but I'm fairly certain I'm polyamorous (gender/sex isn't a factor if I love a person). I don't really feel like I associate with a certain gender. I have long hair and more power tools than any guy I've ever known. I prefer gender neutrality. I associate myself with both, and neither, because I don't think it's 'fluid' thing so much as that there is one gender, and from there it's just a sliding scale of aspects and preferences.

As for anger. It depends so heavily on the circumstances, the people involved, what needs to be accomplished and by whom.
Sometimes it's a huge motivator, if only because you feel the need to physically DO something, and have the capacity to NOT satisfy that urge by punching things.
And sometimes it's the worst thing ever, preventing logical thought, understanding, acceptance, concentration, communication, etc.

Me personally dealing with anger? I should probably include just about every emotion for me. I feel it's far better to get something out of your system than to keep it in, preferably attempting to focus it into a productive action, even if that just means you let yourself go on a ten minute rant of unsuppressed rage. Lets you express it, and move past it. MY problem, is that I can't always do that. It bothers people around me, and I grew up in a household where you just weren't allowed to have any real thoughts/emotions/whatever of your own that didn't coincide with the parents(read, mother). So my coping mechanism became to glare hate since I couldn't say anything. And I think this, along with not receiving direct positive attention*, led me to wear my emotions on my sleeve, which is to say that if I feel something, but either don't/can't express it, or am rebuked for expressing it, I may be quiet, but there is a palpable aura of emotion oozing from my very pores that people in my vicinity can't help but be effected by. I can't, for the life of me, find a clip of Howl's (Howl's Moving Castle) ooze tantrum after his hair gets ruined, but it's something like that.

*The version of 'positive' I grew up with was not, 'Good job getting an A on that first assignment!'
It was 'Well you sure started the bar high, now you have to live up to it.'

D: I just got a brick upside the head! Looked up Pansexual, to clarify it for me, and was all like 'huh, that sounds like polyamorous to me', so I looked THAT up, and BOY WAS THAT DEFINITION INCORRECT IN MY SKULL.

So, edit the above if/as you read.. Totally Pansexual, completely monogamous. XD

to me i have all-ways saw it as a resource that most be use in some way be it ill or good. tho i think it is mostly used in a bad way

I am unquestionably male. I hate being angry. It is pretty much a constant for me. I despise nearly everyone in power, be it government, business, religious leaders, or whatever. I think every government that has ever existed has been fundamentally unjust. I don't see how anyone can hold such beliefs without being angry. (Though I know of one professor at the University of Virginia who is a philosophical anarchist but apparently without any of the anger that view generally entails; he simply thinks the common justifications for government are invalid.) I think anger is very destructive, and I do my best to keep it in check. Somehow, posting about my political views, and sharing the stories mainstream media will not, makes me feel better, and I try to channel it into something productive. I am almost entirely a pacifist, which may seem at odds with my emotional state, but I can't just will away my anger. (And my own country's foreign policy is one of the things I am most angry about.) The masculine approach to anger, from what I can see, is to let it out violently, and I find that dangerous and offensive. I try to let other people know how I feel, but the ones I am most angry at either will not listen, or cannot understand. I have a roommate who believes that he has an infallible source of wisdom about the world (a conspiracy theorist who rejects science and has a worldview that reminds me of the Matrix), and he simply cannot understand why I do not accept him. He criticizes me for not being open-minded, even though I can barely have intelligent conversations with him because he will not entertain a thought he does not agree with long enough. We have had several confrontations, some of which approached violence. This is one aspect of masculinity our society would do well to rein in. I strongly suspect that our society would be better governed if there were more women in government, even though some of the women in my government are just plain scary.

I find anger itself to be an unproductive emotion, but the fact that something makes me angry to be an indicator of something, if that makes sense? If something makes me angry, I will do my best to remove myself from the situation and diffuse my anger ASAP because I find it to be a dreadful feeling and feel that decisions made/words said in anger can cause more harm than good. However, once I've calmed down and am able to see things with a clear head, I try and think about WHY exactly something caused me to be angry and what I can do about situations like these in the future (Was my anger logical? Was my anger caused by misunderstanding? If the anger was logical, what can I do to prevent similar situations in the future? etc...).
I think it's important to pay attention to the fact that something makes you angry, but I find the anger itself to be unproductive, and at its worst, highly destructive. Using anger as a motivator to do something tends to be a risky business in my eyes, especially when a different emotion can be used as a motivator (ex: when dealing with social justice issues, I do my best to be motivated by compassion, not anger).

As for gender stuffs, I'm a transsexual male (albeit a somewhat feminine one, haha), so I was raised socially female. I only started to realize something was up with my gender a little before I turned 20, and finally came out as a trans man a little before I turned 21. Ironically, I think I'm overall a more docile person now that I'm living as a man, haha. I guess now that I'm not so controlled by my depression and anxiety (at least the bit caused by gender dysphoria) I'm more able to embrace the "feminine" way in which I was raised to view anger? Dunno. It's a very interesting topic. Gender roles (and gender itself, really) is always a fascinating topic!

Born male, though personality-wise I don't really see myself as any particular gender. The only thing that makes me feel "male" is the fact that I'm predominantly attracted to women, which isn't really the best identifier considering there's more than two sexualities. I'm fairly close to neutral: on a scale of -10 to +10 (female being -10 HAHALMAO! XD) I'd be a 1 or 2. :P

I think anger is a really good motivator/healer (most notably during a breakup, it kills those unwanted negative emotions), it gets results where fear and uncertainty cause you to stagnate. It provides a good temporary sense of purpose and drive (if someone I care about is being threatened, I'll probably get really angry and then help them).

I don't get angry very often, but the views of those who admonish anger, and those who simply refuse to resort to violence under any circumstance (usually at detriment to self) I find to be absolutely pathetic. I can admire their resolve, but struggle to respect them as people; in my mind, "complete pacifism" opposes nature which under the majority of circumstances would dictate their destruction. That kind of diverges from anger to violence, so not entirely relevant... but whatever! XD

Like all emotions, anger is beneficial if used in the right way (e.g. fear could get you killed or keep you very much alive, love could bring you immeasurable happiness or push your face into the dirt repeatedly). If I don't perceive the anger to be beneficial to me in some way, then I'll repress it in the same way that I'd repress love, sadness, etc.

First off: Straight out(trying to make a pun of my sexuality): I'mma guy.

When I get angry, does it depend what I get angry AT. Before were I destructive. My father tld me to stop that, and I MUST express my anger somehow. Sooo.. let's just say that I have some hardened skin on both my hands. No bruses though.

Well, I have to say it ENTIRELY depends on what the cause of it was, and how the reaction of it is. For me it can be pretty much a motivation or a frustration and anything in between. But I generally have a bad anger management, so I tend to try and "solve" whatever caused it anyhow. With more or less grace, depending on mood.

And I'm female. And was tried to be raised relatively female. I was a tad bit too autistic to be "raised" though per se.

Well, i suppose it depends, if i'm angry with someone i care about.. i try to avoid it, i don't like to take out my anger on others. But if i'm angry about a situation or not getting something right, it can be a motivator, partly because i'm stubborn, and it can push me to work on something until i get it right. i personally just don't like being angry usually, but when i do get really angry i can be violent, but like i said, i don't like taking it out on other people so i'll usually take it out on inanimate objects and throw things or punch my pillow.. stuff like that.
and if i'm angry and talking to the person i'm angry with.. like what i'm angry with them about, i can be.. argumentative, like trying to pound my point into their head.

Female, and i was raised female, but neither very "feminine" nor "masculine", when i was really young i hung around my brother and his friends, and acted more "boy-ish", and got a little more "girl-ish" as i got older, so i'm neither really "tomboyish" nor "girly".

It can be a help and a pain. Although for myself, I find it more pointless than motivating. You end up getting yourself obsessively stressed for something that could easily be solved. I always prefer to try to understand anger so I could see if there really is any reason to have it, and I was doing this back when I was 7 (Which is also when I came to terms and began purging the emotion since I was a real threat when I did get angry in my youth).

However, I am a true believer that anger can be managed in a positive, beneficial way. Like everything, Anger comes in 3 forms: Mental, Physical & Verbal. Mental is more managed by thought on the matter, meditation, or creating (Drawing, sculpting, etc). Verbal is best if discussed or take time to be very vocal about it to yourself (AKA talking to yourself to better understand yourself or just going full-fledged Tourette's somewhere that would not offend or be heard by others just so you can hear your own words and have the negativity released). The most common form of Anger being Physical, the best medicine would be to have something that you can physically interact with that would allow you to disperse your anger on without actually harming another or yourself.

I am male. I view anger as a negative emotion and I don't like being angry, trying to avoid it whenever possible. Anger makes it harder to think rationally or communicate with those around us, and if left unchecked, can cause us to do things that would hurt ourselves or those around us. I've always thought that getting angry just makes a situation that much worse and makes you feel bad in the process.

However, anger can be used to get positive results if you focus it in the right place. I use this at my job sometimes. When I get really angry, I focus it into my work and end up going much faster that i normally would. the downside is that I'm usually the happy one that keeps everyone else from losing their cool, so when I get angry and stop making people smile everyone starts to get upset and that makes the day that much worse.

so overall I don't like anger one bit, but it is an emotion that everyone has to deal with at some point, and when it rears its ugly head it's best to put it to work for you and try to get it under control as soon as possible.

cookies and smiles are more up my ally anyway *wags tail* ^_^

I'm male.

I don't like the way anger makes me feel. To me, it's a negative feeling. I don't like pain, or sadness, or nausea, either.

But emotions, to me, are sensations - they're feelings and sensations, just like taste, or touch, or pain, or pleasure.

They're a way that our bodies and minds react and respond to things in our lives.

So I don't see anger as necessarily _bad_ in and of itself. To me, it's a signal that something's going on that I might need to address - sort of like pain tells you to get your hand off the stove.

The feeling itself isn't bad or good. It's how you act, how you deal with it that matters.