FA+
Shop
Epic Fail
11 years ago
If you want context, you should read my "Life Update" journal that I wrote two months ago. For a time, things did pick up. I got a few interviews and even landed a temporary contract. Three week contract to hire.
I was happy because I finally had income. There was a lot of stress, of course, because I would have had to move, and during the assignment, I was living in a hotel. Still, things were looking great. No one had any negative feedback for me, and I thought I was well-liked.
Because of that, I went ahead and gave my 30-day notice on my apartment lease.
Well.... Things didn't work out, and now I'm homeless. I'm not on the streets by any means, but I did move all my stuff into storage Saturday and moved completely out on Sunday. I have a couch at my friend's to sleep at, but I'm limited there to just a month. If things don't work out by then, I'm probably moving back home to my parents.
To make matters worse, my friend's landlords won't allow me to keep my dog.... I'm writing this from my parents' house, because they thankfully agreed to watch him while I'm gone.
But still..... I've lost my independence. I've lost my own place, and I've even lost my pet.
All of this because I dared to think optimistically about the job. I didn't get the job because they said that I "had a negative attitude about assigned tasks." I...still don't get how I did when I enjoyed the work given, and the only thing I can think of is that what I said was misunderstood or misconstrued or something. But at the end of the day, my personality was deemed so hostile that they did not want to hire me after investing 3 weeks worth of training. I wasn't even worth talking to about it, and I wish they had, because I certainly didn't intend to present a negative perception of the work. I fucking enjoyed it.... I was happy there.
I'm tired. Mentally and emotionally. I've lost the thing I valued most, my independence, and now I'm not sure I have the confidence to pick myself back up. In the past few months, I've been told that I wasn't structured enough for one company (despite being self-disciplined enough to work forty hours a week remotely without anyone twisting my arm), completely naive and untalented (due to my background not including "authentic" OOP languages), and now that I'm not liked enough.....
I just don't know.
I was happy because I finally had income. There was a lot of stress, of course, because I would have had to move, and during the assignment, I was living in a hotel. Still, things were looking great. No one had any negative feedback for me, and I thought I was well-liked.
Because of that, I went ahead and gave my 30-day notice on my apartment lease.
Well.... Things didn't work out, and now I'm homeless. I'm not on the streets by any means, but I did move all my stuff into storage Saturday and moved completely out on Sunday. I have a couch at my friend's to sleep at, but I'm limited there to just a month. If things don't work out by then, I'm probably moving back home to my parents.
To make matters worse, my friend's landlords won't allow me to keep my dog.... I'm writing this from my parents' house, because they thankfully agreed to watch him while I'm gone.
But still..... I've lost my independence. I've lost my own place, and I've even lost my pet.
All of this because I dared to think optimistically about the job. I didn't get the job because they said that I "had a negative attitude about assigned tasks." I...still don't get how I did when I enjoyed the work given, and the only thing I can think of is that what I said was misunderstood or misconstrued or something. But at the end of the day, my personality was deemed so hostile that they did not want to hire me after investing 3 weeks worth of training. I wasn't even worth talking to about it, and I wish they had, because I certainly didn't intend to present a negative perception of the work. I fucking enjoyed it.... I was happy there.
I'm tired. Mentally and emotionally. I've lost the thing I valued most, my independence, and now I'm not sure I have the confidence to pick myself back up. In the past few months, I've been told that I wasn't structured enough for one company (despite being self-disciplined enough to work forty hours a week remotely without anyone twisting my arm), completely naive and untalented (due to my background not including "authentic" OOP languages), and now that I'm not liked enough.....
I just don't know.
I know you're able to pick yourself back up~ <3
We all have our moments where things don't go the way we planned, but sometimes these things are only temporary and they don't last forever. It's never set in stone on certain things lasting forever. We make/write our own life and sometimes we're not proud when we look back at the, but we just keep on writing. I still live with my folks too because the economy has got bad itself, but I am starting out with a new job and hopefully, it will pick me back up. So, staying at my folks place it's only temporary.
Just remember, we're never alone in tight situations because there are other people out there that have the same situations as we do. Stand strong and know that friends and family will be there for you despite any situation and distance.
You have to believe in yourself no matter what other people think of you. I know its hard and I know it sucks cause you know I've been there. I was stuck in depression for a year and unable to do anything because of the shit that happened to me. I don't have any awesome career prospects I know, but I know that I'm secure and that I should at least start taking care of myself and increasing my quality of life in the faith that it can't suck forever. You helped me do that Master, and I know you can be positive about yourself.
The hard truth is that in this economy even a very slightly perceived failing is an excuse to trash you or shoot you down and you have to compete with dozens or hundreds of people all out for the same position you are (that only one will get). Don't take it too hard on yourself. There are tons of people out there these days in the same position.